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Advice on property if separating from partner

6 replies

Pumba85 · 14/07/2020 10:26

Ill try to keep this short and to the point.

Been with my partner for 13 years, we are not married. We have one child and another on the way. Things are not good, and haven't been for a while.

We have lived together in this property since 2017. It is owned by me. His name is not on the mortgage, nor the deeds. I paid the deposit for the property myself. Due to our financial set up all the bills i.e Council tax, gas, etc come out of my bank and out of my wage. The weekly food shop is the only household expense that comes out of his. We use the remainder of his wage as savings. So basically all savings are in his name.

If we were to split where do I stand in regards to the house? Is it mine? Is he entitled to anything? Would I need to sell it and give him half?

Just to add a bit of back story - I dont want to split, I love him, I adore him. However he pays me zero attention, the only time we actually have had any sort of physical relationship in the past few years is when we decided to try for a baby again. I realised recently that I've been blind to the fact hes clearly not attracted to me. I've recently discovered that he frequently uses porn sites, however he turns down my invites for any physical activity with me and says he's tired etc. I walked in the living room the other morning early around 2am (after again trying to initiate sex previously the night before) and he was well, pleasuring himself quite happily with whatever was on his screen. I have zero issue with porn, I have an issue with the fact he won't even hug or kiss me.

Any help greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Happydinosaur53 · 14/07/2020 16:29

I don't really know the answer to your question about the house.

I'd say that although you don't have a problem with porn, he certainly does. How does he feel about the relationship ending? Would he get help?

Pumba85 · 14/07/2020 16:43

Hi, I might need to seek legal advice.

He won't really talk to me about it. I haven't officially came out and said I want to end things because, I know this sounds HORRIBLE but with two kids to think about I need make sure I won't lose my home because if walks away I've no other savings as they are in his name. Which, is really stupid of me but I never thought my life would come to this. Just such a mess now.

I dont think he would get help, he doesnt seem to think he's done anything wrong. He didn't apologise, and doesnt seem to realise why I'm upset.

OP posts:
Happydinosaur53 · 14/07/2020 16:49

It's not horrible. You're being sensible. You are absolutely right. You need to get your ducks in a row as they say.

When you're ready you need to tell him everything. Write it down if that's easier for you. Then you can decide how you plan to move forward.

Starlight39 · 14/07/2020 16:56

I'm not a legal person so would get solicitor advice but I'd be very very surprised if you lose your home. You can prove in your bank statements that he paid zero towards the mortgage or even the bills apart from food! It's a bit shit that you don't get any of the savings but worth it to walk away with a clean break. Has he paid towards any house renovations/maintenance etc? I'm pretty sure it's only when there's a proven contribution to the house that they may be entitled to a share.

He sounds horrendous, good luck with everything. I'd definitely get advice from a solicitor before you say anything just so you know 100% in case he starts saying he is entitled to some of it.

Happydinosaur53 · 14/07/2020 16:57

If I was you I would be seeking legal advice, squirreling money away in account which he can't access and trying to prepare myself for what may come.

I've been in a similar relationship and it's miserable. The best thing I did was walk away. I'm now with the most amazing man who adores me. Remember you don't have to be miserable for your kids to be happy. You can be good parents even though you're seperated.

flirtygirl · 15/07/2020 19:36

He is not entitled to your house. The only way would be, if he could prove he had paid towards it and if he took you to court. He hasn't paid towards it therefore he can't prove that.

See if you can secure some of the savings from him then ask him to leave. Some of those savings are yours as you have been paying for everything and him only food. Nowhere does the cost of food equal all bills.

You can Google the info about if he has a claim on your house for peace of mind.

But like another pp said, start saving and asking him for money before he goes as you will be left with one child soon to be two, maternity leave, housing costs and you may never see a penny in maintenance.

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