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Original poster

Wills - how much do your parents tell you about it?

28 replies

pixelchick · 28/09/2007 12:36

Mum's 79, Dad's 77 and ill. They have instructed a bloke down the road to be their executor. He knows very little about us and we have been told nothing about the intention of their will. We are 5 siblings. Is this normal?

OP posts:
codswallop · 28/09/2007 12:37

not at all imo
have JUST got fomr my mum a form so i can get to be oh god hwats it called if they go mental or have as toke i can have their money
that
also db has will - we are executors

NotAnOtter · 28/09/2007 12:37

power of attorney

oooggs · 28/09/2007 12:43

in my parents will everything is just split 50/50 between me a brother. He has no kids and I have 3 which is why they have split no further. They are also signing the house over in 5 years time when mortgage paid into our joint names. They are open about it.

ladymuck · 28/09/2007 12:47

Oooggs, I thought that the signing over of houses early was a no-no these days? They have to pay you a commercial rent for it to be a valid gift for tax purposes, and they they get stuck when they can no longer afford to pay that level of rent?

EmsMum · 28/09/2007 12:48

Its probably within the range of normal behaviours. It sounds quite sensible if theres 5 siblings IMO - leastwise if any of them are likely to squabble or try to change anything or that sort of shennanigins.

Being an executor is a boring thankless task. be grateful you've not been saddled with it unless you really want the Inland Revenue as penpals.

ladymuck · 28/09/2007 12:49

Oh, in answer to OP, I've helped to draft the wills of my parents amd I'm fairly sure of how the ILs have theirs arranged. But in each case there are only 2 siblings involved.

Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 12:49

I suspected this was not normal. They have a fair bit (two houses bought for a song 50 years ago and worth a fortune now). Also one brother is disabled. I was executor along with eldest bro, but Dad changed his mind when neighbour / solicitor also, got involved.

Power of attorney is where you make decisions in case of someone else's incapacity?

Executor is someone who makes sure the money is dished out according to the Will?

OP posts:
Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 12:55

I suppose all I'm concerned about is that I just don't know what's going to happen and they just won't tell me.

OP posts:
LadyMacbeth · 28/09/2007 12:59

My parents have given me power of attorney on their will.

I think if I wanted I could ak them anything, not that I particularly want to as they're still (relatively) young. I also know what's happening on my granny's will. My parents are quite open about all that.

But I don't know if that's normal.

peskipixie · 28/09/2007 13:04

how well do they know the bloke? i know my uncle was tricked into something power of attorney-esque by a woman down the road as he didnt know how to do stuff and she was nice to him. the police got involved in the end but i dont know the full story. cant a solicitor be an executor? probably the best option if there are lots of siblings, my nan didnt talk to her sister for about 20 years after her mother died, they never made up. wills bring out the worst in lots of people

hanaflower · 28/09/2007 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:06

It worries me more because they are starting to shift money around for tax purposes.

OP posts:
Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:08

The bloke is a solicitor as it happens so maybe that was the right decision. It's just the not knowing that bugs me.

OP posts:
Lilymaid · 28/09/2007 13:12

We have seen neither of our respective parents wills. It is not considered to be our business until they die.
NB Power of Attorney rules change from Monday (1st October) and it has become more complicated and costlier to register - this does not affect those already set up.

Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:19

I suppose you're right, it is not my business but I think it'll save arguments afterwards. I've already been accused by a jealous db that I'm siding with them to get their money.

OP posts:
bookwormtailmum · 28/09/2007 13:22

I have no idea what my parents have done about wills which does concern me a bit. Not for myself (honest guv!) but I don't think that my Dad's given too much thought to how my Mum will get on when he goes. Luckily their house is paid-up so she's got that to fall back on . But I don't know what sort of financial provision she's got in place bar her small state pension (which is calculated on my Dad's contributions anyway).

Cheerful thought - it's my Dad's 76th birthday today!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 28/09/2007 13:27

My Mum and Dad made wills a few years ago, they told us what they were leaving us in terms of pieces of jewellery, cufflinks etc.,. We promptly forgot all about it.

My Dad has sworn that as God is his witness they is not leaving a penny to any of us.

We can have the bricks and mortar divided three ways, but as for cash forget it. He intends spending the lot.

Original poster
pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:30

Too right. I believe they should spend it. The run about in battered second hand cars, don't dare to buy a new one. Then hand over cash to my dbs for "tax purposes" who then spend it on themselves.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 28/09/2007 15:04

Mum has told me where the will is in the filing cabinet and that everything gets divided 4 ways, equally.

barnstaple · 28/09/2007 15:09

When my parents came home from having their wills done they left them on the kitchen table, told us to read them and comment as necessary. No comments were necessary. We all knew exactly what was happening and when dad died about 10 years later there were no shocks or anything. I don't think any of us even turned up for the reading of the will (do they still do that?). Perhaps my bro did as he was executor. It left us to get on with what was important ie mourning the old man.

Wisteria · 28/09/2007 15:09

Pixelchick I know exactly where you're coming from with this. I am in same boat with my Dad and the situation with him is far more worrying as he is living with a new (ahem) partner.
I think it's a very old fashioned view not to discuss it with your dcs as we were very confused when our Mum died and didn't really know what we were doing/ what she really wanted us to do, long story but I think it is important. My dcs already know what they're getting but that's because they ask and I tell!

pagwatch · 28/09/2007 15:20

Well DH's father has written to him explainingthat he intends to leave him nothing at all " unless we wish to make a case for any sentimental items".
That was a nice touch don't you think?

admylin · 28/09/2007 15:27

pixelchick, do all 5 siblings get on alright? Maybe your parents think if they have this executor then you won't go falling out with each other? A friend of mine had that problem when her dad died and there were 10 of them - they didn't agree on things and in the end split into two 'camps' that don't speak to each other anymore.

Flibbertyjibbet · 28/09/2007 15:56

Pixelchick,
your parents have just taken the very reasonable step of having an impartial professional be executor for their will. That is quite normal when there are several 'interested parties' and 'potential for conflict' in a will.
Why are you so bothered about what is going to happen? Have you written your father off or something - even if (hope not) he is not around much longer, your mother will automatically inherit everything and could be around for another 20 years. Which is a long time for you to get worked up about it.
Perhaps they don't want to discuss 'what will happen' with you while your father is ill as they will have more important things on their minds??

BetsyBoop · 28/09/2007 18:42

surely it is up to your parents to decide whether or not they want to discuss it?

It is after all, THEIR money. (Do they poke their nose into your financial affairs?)

My parents gave both me & DB a copy of their wills, but I would never have dreamt of asking about it, and TBH I wish they had spent the lot on themselves, they'd earned it. I didn't want or expect anything from them, they'd done their "bit" raising me & DB as far as I was concerned.

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