Paying back

[Hovverry]

I inherited some money just as my Dd lost her job. It took a long time for her to find another so I was glad to be able to help her out, giving her most of my windfall. She told me that she’d never be able to repay me. and I accepted that.
Now her partner is being made redundant and in this economic crisis he too may be out of work for a long time. I’d like back the money I “lent” to do work on my house, which I can’t afford otherwise.
They have young children and I wouldn’t ask if they really need all of his redundancy pay but am I justified in dropping a hint?

He might not get a lot of redundancy pay or the company might go bust before they pay him. Do you need to do up your house?

But you accepted it when she said she couldn't pay you back? Why go back on it now when he has just been made redundant? Sounds unlikely to happen and is likely just to cause friction if you ask?

You accepted thar she'd never give it back, so why ask for it now? It's a mean trick to move the goal posts now.

Her husband may be out of work for a long time with small children but you want the money back that you told DD she didn't have to repay so you can get a new kitchen?

The fuck?

How kind of you to wait till they are even worse off to renege on your kindness

No you would not be justified. Is this a reverse? If not - you gave her a gift essentially, you did not 'lend' her anything, as she made it very clear she couldn't pay you back. If you weren't happy with that you shouldn't have agreed.

So you didn’t want the money back when he was in work but now he TOO is out of a job you want the money back...that makes sense

Do you mean your partner or hers? Why would you be asking for money back that you gave without expectation of it being repaid at this time?

They'll likely need that money to live on while he finds another job.

Depending on what industry he's in, that could take a very long time, and sadly if he's currently in a well paid job in aerospace etc, he may never earn at the same level again.

They may choose to offer you some of the money as repayment or if he finds work again before his redundancy runs out, they may repay you then, but otherwise, it's likely that they're just going to have to concentrate on keeping their own heads above water in the short to medium term.

i'd like back the money I “lent”

But you didn't lend it. You gave it. So YABU but I suspect this is a reverse

Why wait until both lose their jobs?
Would have taken it if she knew you would want it back?

I don't get this. She clearly said she wouldn't be able to pay it back and you accepted it. Now you want it back. Is this a reverse? Also you want the money back to do up your house when they don't have the money and are in the middle of a redundancy?? You're nice aren you!

Do you understand that redundancy means he won't have an income??

It was a gift. I mean, you could demand it back, but I wouldn't expect to see much of her or your grandchildren if you do...

When her partner has been made redundant you are thinking of asking for them money to be paid back so you can do your house up. I mean, just read that back to yourself. 😳😳😱

How would you even go about asking your daughter? 'I know you've had some bad news with the redundancy but I really want a new kitchen so can you pay back the money I gave you years ago'? I don't think that is acceptable at all? You have her the money, you'll never see it again- it was a gift. Don't ask her to repay it, in fact - she might be gearing up to ask you for another loan if her husband is now without income?!

Unless he's on an amazing contract his redundancy pay will be lucky to cover a couple of months pay. If he's only entitled to statutory that's 1 week for each year he's worked. Fuck all in the real world.

Are you honestly expecting someone who may not get a job anytime soon to give up a couple of months of keeping the roof over their head so you can do a home improvement? Really?

If you even hint this your daughter will never see you the same way again because you either lied to her when you said it was fine she couldn't pay you back...or you expect her partner to pay for your home improvement!

You can't turn a gift into a loan retrospectively.
You offered. She said she wouldn't be able to pay you back. At that point it was a gift.

YABU. It wasn't a loan so you can't ask for it back!

No, you're not justified in dropping a bloody PA hint wanting money back that you gave her. You didn't lend her anything, you gave it; she told you she could not repay it and you gave it to her. Don't be one of those unbearable passive aggressive gits who hint. If you ever wanted the money back you should have made it clear it was a loan and signed documents accordingly.

Yabu. You gave it to her knowing she can’t pay it back.

Is this a reverse?

Are you for real?

I think the poster is for real or a reverse, possibly doesn't speak English as a first language and cheeky AF for even considering doing this.

This must be a reverse, or you're quite frankly deplorable.