Mum can't manage money - advice?

[wanderingduckling]

I'd really appreciate some advice on how you'd approach a situation. My mum is 62 and lives with my step dad, 55. I've been concerned about their financial situation for a long time. They have no pension savings and their house has needed renovation since they moved into it 25 years ago. It needs tens of thousands of £ work to be a comfortable /safe place to retire to. They earn an average wage and have no savings.

My mum has mental health issues which she will not get help with. She buys incredible amounts of food which she hoards and ultimately bins, has 10 wardrobes stuffed full of cheap clothes she buys weekly etc etc. She's also vulnerable to financial scams - e.g. she paid £4k for a will storage service.

I've tried to intervene in the past by trying to get them to look at their finances and think about what they need to save for retirement. Maybe understandably this has been met with real anger.

The other week I helped mum buy a new pc. Her old one was on its knees and I found a new, high spec pc that met her needs for a good price. I called her last night to find she's spent £200 on a dodgy laptop from eBay to use as a webcam and outside. It's already so old and nackered it can't be used without mains power. Meanwhile, she's claiming poverty and that they can't afford to replace a tumbledryer that's broken. These kinds of odd purchases happen frequently and they're often hidden.

In theory, I know her finances aren't my business, the flip side is I can see that when their money runs out I am going to have to support them. I can easily see them ending up homeless in their old age.

For what it's worth, I'm the only child, in my mid 30s, my husband and I earn very well yet we're trapped in a one bed flat trying to save the ridiculous deposit we need for a house within commuting distance of London. I've never had or expected financial support from my mum. I'm just worried that having to fund her is going to stop me living my own life (e.g. to have children we would need IVF and surrogacy due to my health). Spending on ourselves, like having a weekly takeaway, is often met with snotty comments about how wealthy we are.

I appreciate the above is long but context felt important. Is there anything anyone thinks I can do now rather than waiting for things to reach crisis point?

OP.
There is nothing you can do to prevent this.
Please let that sink in.
They are adults and they are not listening. They are making unwise financial decisions.

You've offered advice and support and to help your DM with sensible purchases. Your mum deliberately does the opposite (laptop).

Why would you let their obstinacy and stupidity affect whether you have children (IVF) or ruin your life? Do you not love your DH??

Their financial messes are not under your control.Please step back. You must not feel responsible for helping them out/ feel you have to fund them at all. You don't and shouldn't as would be counter productive.
It would be like throwing good money into a fire as your mum would just spend more.

Coming to a crisis would help your parents Let it happen.
If the house is repossessed or starts to fall down, Local BC housing have a responsibility to rehouse.
If they are over 65 by then or disabled/ill, they'd jump up the list quite quickly and into a B&B to wait, then sheltered flat. But they won't be on the streets. Problem solved as they won't have to repair the house. It'll be your best shot also at DM maybe changing her behaviour. (less likely to happen if you rescue them from consequences) but don't hold your breath.

You've done your best and sound lovely, but there is nothing you can do. Nothing Adult social services can do. Nothing CMHT team can do (not their criteria)

You can ring local Trading Standards who could offer advice on reducing scammers but your mum would have to want to listen to benefit from it.

Please stop banging your head against this particular wall.