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Original poster

Considering leaving our money only to grandchildren

119 replies

parsagadae · 10/05/2020 07:55

Hello,

Just wanted some quick advice from people on here. My husband and I have been retired for some time. We are fortunate to have lived financially secure lives due to buying at the right time, inheritances, etc. My husband headed up his 3rd generation family business, which he sold on for a pension pot (it was no longer really profitable by the end)

We have two children, both put through private schools, university etc. DD1 lives abroad and is a house wife due to ill health/ husband's (very lucrative) demanding job.
DD2 lives nearby and opted for the simple life.. modest house, old cars, nothing flashy etc but lots of time for her allotment! She's going to retire early.

We have four grandchildren, two from each daughter (they are approaching 50 so no more coming!)

We are considering leaving all our money to our grandkids. If we did this, it wouldn't be gazillions but probably about £300k each. They have it so much harder than we did (no really!). House prices anywhere decent are ludicrous, and they will be leaving university with huge student loans.

Has anyone else's family had this set up?

OP posts:
Solasum · 10/05/2020 07:58

If my parents did this I would be absolutely gutted. Rightly or wrongly, I would assume they felt I was financially incompetent. At the very least I would expect them to have discussed doing so with me before I found out posthumously.

Vanannabananna · 10/05/2020 07:59

DH Nan has only two GC - him being one of the two and her inheritance will go to just GC. Nan figures her daughter is good financially so wants to give straight to GC. Hope to have her for a long long time yet but it will enable us to pay off our mortgage when the time comes.

Vanannabananna · 10/05/2020 07:59

Oh and DH mum is fully onboard with this. They discussed at length.

popcorndiva · 10/05/2020 08:00

My parents are doing similar. Though they have my 2 sister's and I gifts of around 400k each in our twenties to set us up. We don't need any more. All done with our consent. They have 7 grandchildren currently.

CurlyEndive · 10/05/2020 08:02

I think this is a very good idea OP. It sounds like your grandchildren need the money a lot more than your children, and as they have an equal number of children there's no worry about fairness etc.

However, perhaps best to explain your reasoning clearly to try and avoid bad feeling.

Chasingsquirrels · 10/05/2020 08:02

My ex husbands nana had 2 children each with 1 child.
She left her estate split equally between the 2 children and 2 grandchildren.
IIRC they got just over £100k each, about 15 years ago.

Is this something you would consider. Instead of 4 x £300k you'd have 6 x £200k. Still a very significant sum for your grandchildren but also recognition of your children.

Disinheritance has implications beyond the actual finances and your children may be very upset, with no way to clear this up with you once you are dead. If you do go down that route make sure you have talked to them both first.

Weenurse · 10/05/2020 08:03

My DM has said her house is to be split between a he 4 of us, but I also have money in a separate bank account in case she needs to go into care.
She has told me, if she does not need it for care, I am to split it amongst her GC.

popcorndiva · 10/05/2020 08:04

Oh and our GP did the same. My parents believe in skipping in a generation to give the most benefit. Once our children are settled with houses no doubt we will do the same. Inheriting when you are stuck renting, starting a family is better than when you are comfortable in your forties/ fifties with hardly any mortgage or none.

Northernsoullover · 10/05/2020 08:07

Its fine but please talk to them first. Don't let them wonder when you are unable to talk to them (dead) what they did wrong.
Just a side note, you say your daughter is in ill health. If her marriage broke down would she be ok financially? Something to consider. Unless you don't like her very much.

drspouse · 10/05/2020 08:07

My DM is leaving half to me and half to my DNs precisely because she thinks my sibling is financially incompetent.

ILoveAnOwl · 10/05/2020 08:08

I'd talk to them about it first. Nothing more horrible and destructive than this sort of thing being discovered after the death when there's no way to talk it through.

Dyrne · 10/05/2020 08:09

It’s up to you, it’s your money, but I think you definitely need to discuss it with your children; as it would be a massive kick in the teeth to discover it only after you’ve gone.

Are you sure you’re aware of the ins and outs of your daughter’s finances to be absolutely certain they don’t need it? For example one daughter appears to be in a very wobbly financial position with no financial security or pension of her own - what if something happened to her DH or they split? And what if your grandchildren secure themselves lucrative jobs and houses etc? I’d make sure you kept an eye on everything for any changes in their financial situation so you could adjust things accordingly.

To be honest I do find it weird that you’d leave your daughters with absolutely nothing, as presumably they would have all the responsibility to sort your affairs, organise funerals etc. But maybe that’s just my family - my surviving grandparent is leaving everything to her children, and nothing to grandchildren, even though arguably the grandchildren ‘need’ it more.

Mistigri · 10/05/2020 08:16

My dad has done this, I expect it is for tax reasons. He has a younger wife so was not expecting anything from him anyway, but I do find it quite an odd thing to do.

So I assume it's all about not paying some tax and that it's a scheme sold to him by a tax adviser lining their own pockets.

Mistigri · 10/05/2020 08:18

I'd add that in the situation, I won't feel any obligation to organise a funeral or anything ... it's his money and his choice (I'm not bitter about it and in any case his younger wife makes it highly unlikely that anyone will inherit anything) - but choices have consequences.

dottiedodah · 10/05/2020 08:21

I see your point.But would be wary of doing this as your own daughters may feel put out .and that may cause a rift between them and their children .Your DD abroad seems well off now, but if she were to split from her partner for any reason she may need the money .Also your second DD may welcome some cash for travel .a better car and so on.Why not split 4 ways ? that would be fairer I think .

Standrewsschool · 10/05/2020 08:23

It’s up to you how you make your will.

However, maybe nice to leave some money to daughters as well, even if it’s only £25 000 each. That will allow them to get a new car, holiday, etc.

Freetodowhatiwant · 10/05/2020 08:25

Only if you speak to your daughters first and see what they think. Alarm bells rang for me about her life with husband with the demanding job. Unless of course you don’t like your daughters or don’t get on with them.

Why not also consider breaking it down a little? My Nan only had assets of around £100k to leave us but her two children got something and each grandchild was given £10k. With the money you have you could easily leave each grandchild enough for a hefty deposit on a house and not have to take away from the two daughters who, until you speak to them about it, you don’t actually know whether either of them are banking on this as a back up to help their situation.

billybagpuss · 10/05/2020 08:26

Why not divide it further, give £50k or £100k to each Dgc so they can access the property laddder then the rest to the dds so they have a good pension income, especially if dd is a sahm if anything happens to her marriage she could end up struggling financially which I’m sure is not what you want.

Ineedaduvetday · 10/05/2020 08:27

I'd talk to your dc first about it.

Ineedaduvetday · 10/05/2020 08:28

Dd2 might be assuming she's retiring early with your money!

00100001 · 10/05/2020 08:28

My parents are giving it to GC, because they've got another 20+ years to go yet. By which time, all kids will be nearing retirement, an GC will be around 30-40.

FLOrenze · 10/05/2020 08:29

If it was me, I would divide it by 6, so that the DDs and GCs all got the same amount. It would be a pity if, after you have gone, your DDs are hurt by your will.

I asked a similar question on MN some years ago. Mainly because of the different circumstances of my 3 children. The very good advice I received was to treat them equally, because nobody knows what the future holds.

This turned out to be very true. The child with the least received a large sum from an unexpected source. Now with the lay-offs and Furlough the one with the most has lost the most.

Longtalljosie · 10/05/2020 08:30

Don’t you think you should talk to your children? You could cause a lot of pain. Rightly or not, they will assume you “cut them out” and don’t love them.

turquoiseplates · 10/05/2020 08:30

Talk to your daughters first. My dad talked to me about wondering whether to do this.....I have a brother but he's greedy and untrustworthy.....so only I was spoken to. I gave my views after thinking about it and Dad agreed with me after much discussion.
He decided to leave the money to DB and me as DB has children with two different mothers, who have half siblings, and he isn't with either of the women now. Our concern was that the money could leave Dads family and end up with one of the GC's many siblings.
Hard decisions but Dads choice.

Snowdown24 · 10/05/2020 08:31

Discuss it with your children first, they may want a small bit to help them in their old age.

However I do think this is the reality of the situation, money is skipping a generation because people are living longer. When our parents go, hopefully long in the future, we won’t have a lot to pay off on the mortgage, and it will probably be given to the grandkids to set them up, and when we die our money will go to our children’s children probably- that’s how I can see things starting to go from now on.