Inheritance

[butterfly359]

What would you do?
I became a stay at home parent when I was pregnant with my second child 18 years ago, my husband has always worked hard and paid for 90% of bills etc, over the years I have worked as holiday cover for a cleaner and I've used the money I've earned on decorating and buying things we need for the family and house.
My nan died last year 😞 and I'm due to receive some money from the sale of her house, my husband says I should put it into his savings account (with his inheritance money) and he will add my name to the account. My worry is that, I've not got a pension or any savings of my own and I would like to save this money for when we are older to make life a bit easier. Husband is getting the arse with me when we talk about it we just don't agree. We have joint bank accounts except his savings account and I think our inheritance money should stay our own but husband says I'm being selfish and we should share it all, he has always made all our financial decisions with him being the main earner and over the years when my nan has given me money, telling me it's part of my inheritance I've always shared it and it's been spent on what ever we've needed carpets all through the house, porch built, new furniture etc.
But now I'm torn part of me thinks I should share it with him as he's paid for everything, but I know there will be nothing left within a few years, & I just want some financial security for when I'm older
Thank you

If you've not worked for 18 odd years and he's paid for ore or less everything I can see his point.

If you are married you own half the houses anyway. Why is all the disposable income his for cars and bikes? It makes no sense. Read up on financial abuse.

Keep it in your name, whatever you decide to put it in.

[Why should his only be in his name?]

Op, you've left yourself wide open to being screwed having chosen not to work for so long. You'll have no private pension and possibly a limited state pension too. If you're married it doesn't matter if the house isn't in your name, you still have rights to it. As your children are over 18 there won't be any consideration of who should stay in the home in the event of a divorce.
You can choose to do as your husband says, like some little stepford wife, or you can make your own decisions. However, be prepared for your DH to stop 'giving' you any of his earnings if you choose not to work.
You could also choose to put both inheritances into a joint account that needs both signatures in order to do anything with the money. That way, he will be unable to do anything with it without your say so and vice versa.
FWIW, I think the whole 'you've looked after his children all these years saving a load of money in childcare' is absolutely nonsense in this day and age. The OP decided to be a SAHM, her DH agreed. The loss of her earnings over those years far outweigh any childcare costs, her DH HAS been supporting her financially. She could have got a job once the dc were at school, certainly when they started secondary school, but chose not to.
OP, do you have a pension at all? If not, that's your priority. Don't waste this inheritance on the dream of a tea room, think of your future. Get yourself a job now, start saving.

,I don't mind him spending his money on them but not mine
Oh, so you were ok spending his money for 18 years as surely, you've enjoyed some treats, got to go on holidays etc... but now that you've got money, you want it to be called yours?

How convenient! Why did you want 18 years to consider earning a reasonable income to contribute in supporting your family.

I don't blame your oh for being piss off. I would be too if that was my oh view after being the sole (or just about) earner for almost 2 decades.

But she has contributed by raising the children and looking after the home (which by the sounds of it he will say is his anyway, as it's in his name). Shes sacrificed her career to enable his. I'd says she given alot up and put alot into the marriage for free.

OP I dont think you are being unreasonable. He sounds controlling. No name on the houses, his savings is in his name only, he gets to make all the financial decisions. People above have spoken about being a team but he hasnt really been part of a team dictating to you because he is the earner. It shouldnt really matter if the money is in your name. I dont understand why he is arsy about it. You intend to save it for the future. It all sounds very controlling to me and you are already in a vulnerable position with nearly nothing being in your name.

Be sensible

Sorry but this whole situation sounds very unhealthy.

I'm a SAHM who has had a small inheritance a few years back. It went into my account and I've used it for things for the family and a couple of bits for me. My DH is a high earner. He absolutely never ever refers to the money he brings in as his. Not once. And therein lies your problem.

My DH understands he'd never be able to work long stressful hours in the city without me at home picking up all the slack. So what he earns he considers family money. If I want to go back to work he is also fully supportive.

I'm on the mortgage/deeds of all houses we've owned.

You've allowed your 'D'H to make financial decisions and he sees everything as his. Not a nice place to be especially if things go tits up and you do end up separating.

I think you need a long hard look at this relationship really. You need to be in a better place and he needs to rethink his attitude.

Do not put your inheritance money into his account. Absolutely no way.

Then work out your finances together moving forward.

But she has contributed by raising the children and looking after the home (which by the sounds of it he will say is his anyway, as it's in his name). Shes sacrificed her career to enable his
Oh please, that old chestnut of the woman sacrifying her career! She could have worked PT and then ft once the children were at secondary school like so many others do.

If she was happy to make his income joint for years, then it's only fair he does now too.

It doesn't matter about the earnings and who earned what because families make decisions all the time for one parent to work, one to not work, both to work part time, both to work full time, one to work full time and the other part time etc.

The main thing to focus on is when HE got inhertience, he put it in HIS account. He never put it in a joint account. It doesn't even matter if he's spent some of it on family things either, he has kept it in his own account so you need to follow suit OP and do the same. No you don't plan to spend it on yourself but he wanted control of his inhertience so you should have control of yours. Would be an entirely different story if your DH put his inhertience into a joint account, I'd advise you to do the same but he never

I have worked as holiday cover for a cleaner and I've used the money I've earned on decorating and buying things we need for the family and house.

he has always made all our financial decisions

I've not got a pension or any savings of my own

I should put it into his savings account

he loves buying cars and sports motorbikes

Oops. was going to say something here.

But just read these sentences back to yourself...

Does this sound like a man who has your best interests at heart?

You have "kept house" for 18 years, Has he made sure you will be taken care of in old age?

I can't answer that for you.

There’s a lot of bad advice on mn.

Don’t put it in a pension if you are not a taxpayer. There’s no benefit to that. Better to put it in an Isa.

Also the house isn’t yours too just because you’re married. Yes you could claim on it on a divorce but he could leave it or sell it to someone else. Get your name on it as joint tenants- it’s not the 50s

Although it is a bit interesting the attitude of pps that what’s his is yours and what’s yours is yours.

Caryol, you are not correct. Even non taxpayers get automatic tax relief (20%) on the first £2,880. Even if you earn nothing, i.e. the government tops it up to £3,600.

So if the OP has no pension, she should consider doing this (and do so every year!)

OP, you say your husband has always made all the financial decisions... but if he is spending inheritance on depreciating items such as cars and motorbikes, rather than appreciating assets like investments/pensions, I think now would be a very good time to suggest that perhaps you should start making all the financial decisions?! Good luck!

@dontdisturbmenow have you just come here to troll peoples comments? You are entitled to your opinion as is everyone else.

How do you know she was happy to make his income hers? For all we know her husband could have encouraged her to stay at home and let him bring the money in. I know alot of men who prefer to be the breadwinner and dont wont anyone else looking after their children other than there other halves. Childcare is a huge expense and a lot of the time it is pointless both parents working as the childcare takes up the additional salary anyway. You talk like she has had an easy ride being a stay at home mom. Even the best behaved kids are hard work and demanding and its 24 hours a day. She cant just shut off from it. I bet she would have loved a break and to feel more than just a Mom and a Wife.

And I do think alot of women DO sacrifice their careers. I am on my own and earn a third of what I used to. I have to work around my son. When I tried to work more the childcare I was paying was leaving me with less money than when I worked around his school. so tell me what is the point? Working more to end up with less and less time with my child! And this is for a single income household. I imagine being a two parent household would he harder as you get virtually no help with childcare costs. I have friends who have had to have one parent stay home because childcare made it pointless for them both to work.

Anyway the real point here is the control. Everything is in the husbands name. When he received his inheritance it went into an account in his name. So why should she not be allowed to have an account open in her own name? It sounds like his taken away alot of her independence and its finally catching up on her now the kids are growing up. It really shouldn't bother him if she wishes to be abit more responsible with her inheritance and save it away for the future. He doesnt ask her permission to do anything financially so why should she bow down and ask him? And I too would feel the same if he is spending money like he is on items that are for him, and him only! Why the hell would she want to put her inheritance in a pot for him to abuse the way he does his own? He has no consideration for his family when his making purchases like that.

Bottom line OP just open your own account. Let him protest. If it's really that much of a problem then there are bigger problems to address.

Good luck

Sorry OP, I've just reread your post. You have worked and put your earning back into the household and family. So you've contributed where you can