Spending addiction?

[Stopspendingmoney]

This sounds pathetic. I know it does and I haven't even started typing yet but here we go. Name changed obviously. Sorry if this doesn't make complete sense, it's probably a bit of a ramble. Hope it's in the right place?

I think I'm addicted to spending money and I don't know where to go. I have 2000 of overdraft debt, 2500 of credit card debt and I owe 7300 to my ex (and we have a legal contract written up so not like I can put it off or not pay him back, not that I'd ever steal from someone). I do have a plan to pay all of these back, and a spreadsheet to keep an eye on it - as long as I stick to my spreadsheet and listed outgoings it should be fine by the end of 2020, but the problem is I never do! I feel like I can't!

I think the reason is I didn't have much when I was a child. My Dad died when I was very young and my Mum pretty much had a mental breakdown leaving me to fend for myself a lot. She then remarried to someone who was physically and emotionally abusive to me and I wasn't allowed anything - didn't have birthday presents or a cake for years, slept on a mattress on the floor instead of getting a bed etc. It was awful. Now that I HAVE the ability to buy things for myself, I just want them. I feel like I have to have it there and then. I want to have nice things for my house and not let my child ever feel like I did where I couldn't ask for something I wanted etc. He isn't completely spoiled or a brat in any way but there is nothing he needs he doesn't have/get and he is treated regularly. I want to start saving and buy a car, a house, I want to plan for our future and not be worrying if I'm going to be over my limits all the time (which I never have been yet but it's at the point now where if I didn't have people to lend from I would be). Is spending addiction a real thing? Can I get help? From who? I see my GP every so often regarding my anti depressants, but I don't know how to broach this. I think I sound like a dick but I don't know how else to explain it. I keep buying stuff and just thinking oh it'll be fine, I'll work it out somehow. It's NOT fine, I'm having to lend 1k from family members to pay my rent for the next 2 months. I'm so stressed all the time - this should kick me into action and yet I'm still spending. Does anyone have any advice at all please? Feel free to ask questions if you need anymore info and I'll answer if I can

Shopping addiction is a real addiction. Speak to your GP. It is very understandable why you want to treat yourself and your child. You should have been treated well as a child. As i'm sure you already know on a factual level, you were treated badly because the people with responsibility for you were not worthy of having a child and not because you were not worth treating well. I hope you get it sorted. You and your child should have financial security.

@Forcryingoutloudwtf thank you for your kind reply and not mocking me. I feel so stupid. We on paper have more than enough money to get by (well originally) and yet I am in the red by so so much. Emotionally I thought I'd moved on from my childhood and my resentment for the people who like you say, should have cared for me, but I wonder if I'm just numb to the big feelings and it's coming out in my subconscious in other ways now. Obviously that isn't entirely a money matter but it's made me think about it as opposed to ignoring it. Again thank you for being so kind.

You aren't pathetic at all. It sounds like you have had to be incredibly strong.

Definitely speak to your GP, you have been through so much and I think you need and deserve some proper support.

I think the very first step you could take is to be kind to yourself. You really don't need to be ashamed .

there are debt repayment support groups - on mumsnet, as well as real ones you can go to that can become a weekly source of support. I expect your local citizen's advice can point you to these - some real life support from people that get it is a good idea. I know you have a plan but some people to support you on the journey is a good idea.

A lot of addictive behaviours are attempts to fix low self esteem and avoid bad feelings you haven't resolved, there are lots of people who've overspent like this - adverts play on that feeling that your life will be more perfect if you buy that product.

How do you shop mostly, is it online or in stores? Either way, unsubscribe from every company that emails discounts, offers, news, coupons etc related to purchase. They were a big trigger for me to buy. I still find myself shopping online when I'm feeling down but I manage to leave it now, and if you enforce a cooling off period quite often you lose interest or it helpfully goes out of stock.