Am I paying too much

[stacym86]

Hi there, me and my partner have been living together for around 3 months now. He has 2 children (7 & 2) whereas I don’t have any children.

As he owned his property, it made sense for me to let go of my rented house and move in with him.

We have has his children 3, and sometimes 4 nights Per week.

I pay 50% towards the bills and mortgage (£500 is my share) and we then have a joint account that we both pay into for food shopping, house stuff and meals out etc.

All he pays extra Is into our joint acct that’s £40 - £20 per child per month for their food, and the smaller child nappies and wipes, which he’s meant to pay separate for but doesn’t sometimes.

I often buy the kids clothes and footwear here and there out of my pocket because I want.

I am writing this as I’m getting increasingly annoyed at the situation and feel I‘m being done over a bit here... I pay 50% into the home which covers just me, and he pays the same to cover him + 2 children... and it’s his house.

His ex when they were together didn’t work and when she did she just paid for good shopping.

So I’m living there now, paying 50%.

I know when you take someone on when they have kids you accept them all which isn’t the issue for me here, I just need some clarity on if I am thinking I am not getting a good end to the deal here, and how other people work a similar situation?

I guess it just depends on what your reasons are for moving in with him?

Why DID you move in with him? Is it a kind a trial marriage to see if you are compatible before you actually get married - or is it because you both wanted to have more disposable income and so from that point of view it makes sense to combine your finances?

Why are you buying clothes for his children?
Stop being a mug.
And think twice about a man who lets you.
I’m a stepmother btw, and I do buy for my adult stepsons - I earn more than their dad though. So I’m not anti stepparent involvement!

Are you sure he hasn't just moved you in so you can help to:
Pay the bills
Look after the kids
Do the housework and cooking
?

Taking on someone’s kids doesn’t mean paying for them.
My daughter has a stepdad.
He pays nothing toward her - she’s MY child, and I earn more. He’s not “taking her on”. She has two parents already. All he has to do it be kind to her, make space for her, and absolutely understand that she will always come before him when necessary.

Interesting that he forgets that he’s paying nappies and wipes.

I’d love to know whether you’ve been expected to* care for these kids to.
*yes, you’re going to tell me you wanted to take them out to bond, that you didn’t mind cooking for them, etc, it was your choice - he never asked. You don’t have to detail it here, but be honest with yourself about how much you’re doing instead of him. There is just no reason, in 3 months, that you should have been involved in buying their shoes.

Are you named as joint owner of the property? You should not be contributing anything to the mortgage if not. If you separate, he will leave you high and dry; he's taking you for a ride.

Have you been named on the property?

That’s too much. You could pay 50% of the interest on the mortgage but not capital payments unless you’ve been added to it. Half the bills or a little less.

I started typing a longer reply but, in a nutshell:

Yes, you are paying FAR too much.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to pay towards capital repayment and not get an interest, as long as you’re clear that’s what’s happening.

If OP’s 50% is £500 but she was previously in rented paying £1000, it’s a good deal.
They both end up better off.

Personally I’d work it so that they were equally better off. Made up example:
He was paying £1000
She was paying £800
She now pays £400, leaving them both £400 better off them they were, but him paying £600 to her £400.

There are many ways to skin a cat.

What isn’t on his him paying half when he has 2 kids, him conveniently forgetting to pay for nappies, and him letting her buy his kids’ shoes. Pisstake.

Potentially I'll be in a similar situation but the other way round.

My DP and I both have our own homes and pay similar monthly mortgages.

In the future he is likely to move in with me. I have two children (they will both be at or leaving uni by the time he does move in).

I would not expect a contribution to my mortgage. I would however expect to share living costs. I would probably suggest I cover 60% of these to cover when kids home.

The reason I'd not expect or want him to pay towards my mortgage is because he will not be added to the deeds or mortgage anytime soon. So it wouldn't be fair to expect him to contribute.

However, if we purchased a property together in the future then I expect that would be 50/50 split on everything.

We've been together almost 18 months, I've been around the kids for almost a year, and we decided to live together as it was kind of the 'next step' for us, and what we both wanted.

I buy the kids clothing items and footwear as I like to, if I ask him to pay for them, he does.

I'm not planning on going on the mortgage any time soon, and as I was paying our rent on a house + bills on my own, I'm happy contributing MY SHARE.

It's pretty obvious I'm not getting a good end to the deal here on the basis he has 2 kids and contributing pretty much the same as me!

Thanks for everyone's input - appreciated.

Depends on your relative earnings and whether he has lost any benefits due to you moving in.

If a single parent on benefits has a partner move in they lose some or all their income related benefits the 'step parent' is expected to cover these or is this only when the parent is a woman.

If this is not the situation, then your share would be half the non mortgage bills and adult food, but not DC costs, and then you pay your own travel, mobile etc costs.