Is my fiancé using me financially?

[ElroyJetson]

Me and my girl have been together a few years.

When we met she was paying all her own bills after her divorce. She worked full time and made enough to BARELY pay the rent, utilities, car payment, etc. After about 5 months of sorta living with her (we spent a lot of time together) she started saying I should move from my place and just split bills with her...so I started giving her half of rent and half of utilities. I was still trying to be a gentleman so of course I was paying for things like food when we went out.

Anyway...about 6 months later I ended up buying a house for us to live in, we talked about budgeting for it and she agreed to pay $700 on the mortgage. That’s way better than the $1100 she was previously paying for rent alone. I thought GREAT - we are buying a home and we’ve both reduced our expenses tremendously!

Wrong.

Her mother ended up having some serious health problems for a month and she quit her job, but went back to work PART TIME. After not attempting to pay “her part” of the mortgage for a few months I said hey...don’t worry about it and just start buying all the groceries. I thought hey if we eat at home she buys the groceries — that’s as good as handing me money.

Wrong again.

That lasted a few weeks. Then we were right back to eating out almost every meal with me paying EVERY time. I mean I can afford it as I make a little more than she did working full time, but it does cut down my savings/retirement money (I already have a good bit as she knows). I always get everything paid with a little to spare, but not really enough to grow my money as I did before we met.

I want us to get further ahead in life but it seems she’s just fine where we are financially....with her working part time and me paying for about everything.

So now I’ve pretty much been paying the mortgage, ALL FOOD EATING OUT, property tax, home insurance, maintenance, etc. She only pays the power bill which totals about $200/month — everything was already in her name so we just kept it and started service at the new home.

It’s frustrating. If she would work full time as she did before and contribute just 50% of her prior living expenses to bettering our lot in life — we could make sure everything like healthcare, retirement, credit card debt, etc is easily taken care of. I mean should an able bodied 28 year old not be expected to work full time?

Anyways....do you guys think I’m being used?

Sometimes I feel like she just wants to work as little as possible and being with me allows her to do that.

Could this all be a red flag when it comes to having a child?

I sorta wish I didn’t even feel this way, but I just don’t see why it’s so difficult to find a middle ground where we are BOTH in a better financial position than before we met.

Any advice?

I would think anyone in a relationship aimed toward the future would OFFER to help financially in some way...especially when money is often the root of any arguments.

How do you offer to buy groceries instead of paying on the mortgage yet buy little to nothing month after month while asking to go out to eat several times a day?

I can understand not having the money, but to not have the money because you willingly work far less than people of the same age???

Obviously she has some idea of fairness since she asked me to pay half of the rent/utilities at one point.

And get this...when I brought up all I pay for including the house, she gets defensive...one time bringing up what was years ago when I first moved in and didn’t pay any rent for a few months.

And yes I can pay the mortgage, taxes, property insurance, several utilities, go buy the groceries and even cook the food.

But at that point I feel like I’m caring for a teenager who has a part time job to pay for their gasoline.

To be honest it really doesn't matter if anyone on here thinks she's using you or if everyone thinks you're the one in the wrong, it's pretty clear you're not happy in the relationship and that's all that matters. You have a home and money, you're not dependant in her, she has a job and money and the ability to earn more and parents so you're not 'stuck with each other'. Tell her how you feel and give her until the end of the month to move out.

What do you mean blow up?

I paid my partners rent for a couple month when he’d had a job move and couldn’t afford it without using a loan, and he was so grateful that he got upset and still brings it up a year later saying how much it helped him get his debt back to being manageable. That’s gratitude. What your partner is doing is not even grateful. I would get rid before she gets herself pregnant & until then use protection! Sounds like the baby trapping type.

Get out now. It’s going to end badly anyway, but you may have a child by then and then you are tied to a lazy gold digger for the rest of your life

You’d feel like a “little bitch”?
WTF is that supposed to mean?