Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Scared to spend.

12 replies

hunkyfunkymunky · 18/01/2020 12:40

Hi all, sorry I've not posted for a while, apart from not being well, I've had a lot of other issues and one of them, brings me here today.

3 years ago, I left my partner because of her stupidity with money and unwillingness to curb her spending, lack of affection towards me and her behaviour in general. I have enough money for a funeral put away, I have almost 4K in savings and run my normal bank account with around 2K in it.

Now I'm in a much better place, my finances are OK, not brilliant, but, OK, I'm a great deal happier, sleeping better and enjoying life, to a point. I'm scared to spend money, no matter how small a sum it may be, Lidl and Aldi are my shopping haunts and I buy the cheapest stuff I can get away with. I need a fresh cooker as the one I have is shot, only one ring and the bottom oven work, but I cannot convince myself to buy another, the watch I've had for over 8 years has packed in and even after fitting a new battery, it didn't work, so I've scrapped it, again, I cannot justify the expense to get another, even though watches are as cheap as chips these days.
I'm not a greedy, tight or miserly person, it's just I had so many years of living hand to mouth because of my ex, I'm worried that one day, I'll have no money and it's causing me a great deal of self doubt. I couldn't say when the last time a treat myself to something I could use or I needed.
It's got to the point where I only shave once a week, but keep myself and clothes clean and shower everyday.

I've had CBT but got nothing from it, can anyone suggest something I can do please, it's doing my head in.

OP posts:
BadEyeBri · 18/01/2020 12:43

What about making a separate savings account specifically for replacing broken things or repair bills? So you are still saving but can justify the spend because it's planned for?

roiseandjim · 18/01/2020 12:43

Do you have a monzo card? That could be handy for you?

BadEyeBri · 18/01/2020 12:44

I realise it sounds fatuous and won't address your underlying issues but might ease the day to day stuff a little

mummmy2017 · 18/01/2020 12:45

You need the cooker, can you see it as an investment, that will save you money and time for cooking.
Also give yourself pocket money.
Say £100 a month that you allow yourself to spend.

hunkyfunkymunky · 18/01/2020 16:37

Thank you for the suggestions, as regards the cooker, I've done some internet work this afternoon and found a Hotpoint HAE60K in black (to match the rest of my kitchen) for £349 on 6 months credit from AO, so I might just jump on that.

Cheers.

OP posts:
Bitofnamechanging · 18/01/2020 16:42

Could ynab give you some confidence?

mummmy2017 · 18/01/2020 16:43

You deserve to be happy, treat yourself sometimes.
Life is too short to have nothing for ever.

hunkyfunkymunky · 20/01/2020 11:12

Well, I've ordered the above cooker and it's coming on Thursday, I feel very happy with myself.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 20/01/2020 11:52

It’s a psychological issue rather than a financial issue.
Given your reaction here - quickly ordering the cooker - it sounds like you need “permission” to spend. You got that from this thread. Now you need to work on giving yourself permission to spend.

EnidBlyton · 20/01/2020 11:55

Perhaps you need to concentrate on something else?
new recipes?
i sometimes find myself completely focused on money it is draining and depressing.

mummmy2017 · 20/01/2020 12:11

Well done.
You simply replaced a broken item.
Treats don't need to cost a fortune, but you can set out rewards for good habits.
Maybe when you see that you will get balance.

Didactylos · 20/01/2020 15:28

I know how you feel in some ways
I spent a very long time with very limited money, budgeting til the pips squeaked. And I was confident that I could do that and not stressed about facing a week on a fiver (long time ago!)
But eventually all the scrimping and studying paid off, and I got the well paid job I had been aiming for, went from student loan only to several thousand a month - and it was good, but also a shock to the system.
The first 3-6 months I was completely floored by having money and options, really anxious if I had to make any choices about things, fearful of taking on a contract for a car etc. A complete lack of confidence with the new money situation, which felt really strange and made no objective sense
Part of it was the fear of fucking up - that if I ran into problems it would be my fault, because of my choices, not simply lack of money. And another part of me was so used to waiting, making do and doing without that I didnt really have anything I really wanted that I couldnt talk myself out of spending on.

Sadly I got over it.....

New posts on this thread. Refresh page