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Original poster

In debt, no job

23 replies

bigfatmamma · 18/01/2020 07:39

So as it says, in debt.

Got about 24k in total on credit cards over the years between me and hubby.

Bank account now 1200 overdrawn.

Hubby brings home 1800 a month, outgoings are 1900 a month and I've just lost someone I cared for full-time and need to search in real world for a job again after 10 years of being at home.

I'm sad, I'm depressed, I don't think I can claim any benefits as I was self-employed and hubby 'earns too much'.

If I don't do something soon then never going to make ends meet never mind trying to clear the debt.

I don't want to default or declare bankruptcy as then I'll be screwed for years and years and can't 'afford' (excuse the pun) to do that.

I just don't know what to do... I'm not sleeping properly at night either.

Advice, words from you lovely people, anything. Help please.

Love
A sad, depressed mamma

OP posts:

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/01/2020 07:43

Review all your outgoings. Are there any subscriptions you don't need/could live without?

Can you consolidate all your debt into one place to reduce any payments you need to make?

Is your house mortgaged? Speak to the bank about pausing payments until you can at least get a job.

Sorry for your loss x

JustMyName · 18/01/2020 07:43

Sorry to hear that

Could you write to the companies and explain you're struggling and ask them to freeze the debt so it doesn't incur interest and agree a smaller monthly repayment amount? You may have to submit monthly income and outgoings for them to agree to it.

Daisylemonade · 18/01/2020 07:45

Well, the priority is finding work I would think.

Lipperfromchipper · 18/01/2020 07:47

I think you have two priorities OP. Finding work and reducing your outgoings ASAP. List them out and cut out/down what is necessary!!

LittleDragonGirl · 18/01/2020 07:48

If you have experience as a carer look at going into care work, it's not amazing paid, but you can make good money, and they are always hiring.
I would definitely look at outgoings at 1900 is ridiculously high, are you london based?
You definitely need to consider what cut backs are possible, and get a job. Make a plan of how much your going to repay and try to consolidate your debts into a few places to make it easier to keep track of. Your out goings should not be more then income, at that type of income level. If you cant afford it sacrifices will need to be made to get it manageable.

LilyPinkNoah · 18/01/2020 07:49

Sorry for your loss OP. Finding hard it work even when you’re in a positive state of mind.

There is a charity called Smart Works that can give clothes for interviews etc to help you - basically women donate their clothes and it’s to help women be smart for smartworks.org.uk/

Also I think you probably need someone to talk to so maybe try a Samaritans just to talk through how you are feeling.

You also need to go through your outgoings and break them down.

If you’ve been a carer then you would quite easily get a job with a care company caring for others. Good luck.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/01/2020 07:51

Well, the priority is finding work I would think.

Really helpful input. The OP already said she needs to look for a job.

Original poster

bigfatmamma · 18/01/2020 07:51

I'm looking for work, but it's not easy in the world out there as things have changed drastically over the years whilst raising the DC that I've got now. I'm still so sad over losing the little one and DH health is not great so worried for him too.

It's all getting too much for me at mo.

OP posts:

Caramel78 · 18/01/2020 07:55

I used Stepchange when I had a similar amount of debt to you. They wrote to all my creditors and had the interest frozen. They also agreed a repayment plan with them all which was affordable to me (£20 to each one every month sort of thing). It took 4 years to clear my debts but I’m now debt free and it’s the best thing I ever did.
Your credit rating will be really bad for 6 years but then it all gets wiped and I now have perfect credit rating 7 years on.

QueenOfTheFae · 18/01/2020 07:55

You have done caring, so you have that in your favour. You have also been busy while not in paid work, again in your favour.

Listen to the advice above, theres some good stuff. Look online for roles, dont give up, you can do this

Sorry for your loss. Have you dealt with that in your mind yet (sorry that is a bad way to phrase a question, hopefully you know what I mean) are you getting any help? Do you want to talk about them?

Daisylemonade · 18/01/2020 07:56

Sorry, I was agreeing with her

Daisylemonade · 18/01/2020 07:57

There’s always demand for care workers, OP, and a few months at that may well lead the way into something better.

Original poster

bigfatmamma · 18/01/2020 08:04

I can't do care work anymore... my heart and head can't take it...

I used to be a PA so am looking back into
that field, it's just brushing up on my skills as things have changed.

It's also working round the DC.

Thank you all so far for your help and advice.

OP posts:

3luckystars · 18/01/2020 08:15

Have you anyone you can talk to?

You cannot climb this mountain alone after such a loss. You need help for yourself before you can take on a job.

Can you go to your gp and ask for help, counselling ? I just wanted to send you my best wishes and I'm so sorry for your loss.

If you can get to a library, find a book by Scott Pape, he is an Australian man who has turned many people in far worse positions lives around. His book is fantastic and will help you get a plan with the money. It will take time to get out of the debt but you can do it if you get help and have a good plan. Good luck x

GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/01/2020 08:16

OP how about evening cleaning jobs while you're looking for something more suited? Lots of agencies look for evening cleaners and then DH can look after DC while you're working.

kmammamalto · 18/01/2020 08:20

Sorry for your situation OP but I think maybe we need a little more detail to help properly! Like how many DC there are and what ages they are?
What outgoings are as that makes it sound very high! And are you a member of any agencies for temping work?
It sounds as if you have had a bereavement, if that is the case I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself some time and contact GP if you need access to free counselling etc

BammBamm · 18/01/2020 10:33

I would definitely recommend getting advice from a debt charity. Stepchange or Christians Against Poverty (you don't have to be Christian or have any religion).
Hope things improve for you OP.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/01/2020 11:03

Do you own or rent?

Definitely get formal advice from a free service that looks at your entire situation.

I know you don't want to go bankrupt or otherwise ruin your credit rating but unless you get well paid work soon, the alternative is probably years of struggle without getting anywhere as most of what you pay will be swallowed up in interest. It is often better to bite the bullet and get it over and done with and be on the way to getting on with a debt free life.

Isleepinahedgefund · 18/01/2020 11:09

Debt problems add so much stress, and it sounds like you already have huge stressors. If you can sort out the debt somehow you will have a weight lifted.

How are you paying the £100 per month not covered by your husband’s income?

Does the £1900 outgoings include debt payments? Once you start using credit to pay credit you are screwed really and you should seek a formal debt solution. Yes it will ruin your credit for a few years, but frankly you will end up there anyway whether voluntarily now or forced to later on, so why struggle? If you are using credit to stay afloat eventually your min payments will creep up and you won’t have access to any more credit, so you will default. I used to do bankruptcy work and it’s a very common pattern.

Your priority should be either to increase your income (which you’ve said you’re trying to do) or reduce your debt payments (debt management plan if you can). Please contact step change for some advice.

NoSquirrels · 18/01/2020 11:55

I'm sorry for your loss.

Have you got a proper budget that includes everything? There's a good template on the MoneySavingExpert site, and lots of detailed help over there.

There isn't a magic solution that doesn't involve cutting costs or upping income, alas. I think you might find that StepChange and getting the debt sorted officially, via a DMP, is your realistic and best option. It's a lot of debt to carry on a small-ish income.

MNHQ

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 18/01/2020 13:23

Hello everyone
We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. In the meantime, you might find some useful information on our guide for dealing with financial difficulty

Original poster

bigfatmamma · 19/01/2020 22:03

Thank you all and thank you MNHQ.

I am genuine and would never ever expect or want any suggestion of money from anyone on here and have not PM'd anyone either. I really really do appreciate all the advice given - it's helped me. I will make an appointment to speak to my GP too.

Sorry I didn't post again after some of the questions. Oven of heard of half of these companies so your advice is great and will look into them.

My DC are 14 and 11. DH is 47 and I'm 46. We own our house with a mortgage and luckily have never fallen behind or missed a payment. Our outgoing each month do include all our repayments. Apart from 5k, the other credit cards are currently on 0% interest so still have 10 months left on that rate.

With regards to the outgoings of £100 more than incoming, the last month I've had to put my grocery shopping on the credit card, which I know doesn't help, but I need this next month to see me have extra cash for travel to interviews hopefully.

I've looked over my finances and can see a couple of reductions I think I can make. One big outgoing, which we've had for years has been our private medical cover and I think that is going to have to stop, or at least reduce it down to just me and the hubby. We've both had some problems and have used it, so to remove the kids for a year or two would reduce the payments. That alone is £300 a month (I know, but over last 3 years we've had over £25k treatment between us)... so if we were to stop that completely then we couldn't get covered again for our problems.

I dread the idea of bankruptcy. I could and will look into the debt programmes - it will be our only way to move forward I think.

Thank you all again.

OP posts:

frugalkitty · 20/01/2020 15:31

If you pay your council tax over ten months, see if you can change it to over twelve. We did this when my DH lost his job a few years ago. It saved enough to cover the car insurance direct debit (we used to pay this upfront).

Go through all your direct debits and get rid of things like Netflix etc if you have them, you can always get them again once finances have improved.

Meal plan, write a list and stick to it. Before you go to the checkout in the supermarket, make yourself walk back round and put back anything that's crept into the trolley, or you can actually do with for another week.

Make sure you keep talking to your husband, I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach so well, I couldn't eat or sleep. Focus on paying the mortgage and council tax, those are your absolutes, but also have a good look at the cards, can your DH do a balance transfer? Or get a new card with a 0% balance transfer rate and move as much debt onto it as possible? It will get better, I'm sure, but do try and take control of the situation as it is now (however bad it seems) so that it doesn't get worse

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