Complete and utter financial mess

[Allcrimps]

As title, really! I've been engaging in extreme ostrich behaviour and my head has been firmly in the sand for MONTHS to be honest. Has come to the point where I absolutely have to face the hellmouth that is my finances and try to get to grips with it all. I'm owing money left right and centre. I don't even know why I'm posting really, as I have only got as far as gathering together my unopened mail, and sitting down with a notebook, so can't even ask for specific advice! Anyone else in a financial grave that fancies a gentle honesty/accountability thread? I need all the handholding I can get right now as I feel so ashamed and alone. I'm sick of laying in bed worrying and worrying. About to face the music so will report back with more details on the scary numbers later.

I just wanted to say op I was here a few years ago and it will get better face it head on right out a strict budget and chip away at it I know it's overwhelming but once you have faced up to it and have a plan it will feel so much better 💐

Handholding with you....dont feel ashamed, you've made the first difficult step...now open the post write everything down and come back here for help.....

The reality won’t be as bad as how you’re feeling now.

Take a deep breath, write everything down and good luck. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last.

We can help you sort it if you like.
Google statement of affairs, fill it in and we’ll have a look together.

I have been you more than once in the future..I'm just shite with money. It was only having a DC that turned my finances around. Still have debts but im not constantly reaching for the credit cards. I cut up some at the beginning of this month and left just one for emergencies.

Take it one step at a time. Just start with writing everything down. It's good that you are ready to start tackling your finances!

Thank you redred2429. It all feels very overwhelming and bleak atm so it's great to hear from someone on the other side of it. I wish there was an unjudgemental someone who could swoop in and help me sort it...but I have to be brave and be my own hero here. I'm scared to the point of palpitations right now. Having a 5 min breather to calm myself and then going to get stuck in. What a fool I am.

Thanks all. I'll come back and update with the ins and outs once I've taken this terrifying first step. All and any help would be so appreciated right now.

Well you’re facing it now and that’s a huge first step. It gets easier from here.

Open the envelopes and sort them into piles. One pile for each credit line. Don’t worry about reading them. Just sort them into piles first.

Once sorted pick one pile and sort the letters into date order. Most recent last. Read the last one to see what you owe. You could even call them to get a right up to date balance in case you’ve missed any letters. Write the creditor name, the balance, the interest rate and the minimum payment.

Move on to the next pile of letters and do the same.

At the end you’ll have a list of all your debts, who you owe and how much they will cost you every month.

Then you need to work out if that figure is manageable or not.

To do this you need to to an income and expenditure breakdown.

Two columns

Income:
Wages
Benefits
Child support
Etc

Outgoings:
Rent/mortgage
Energy bills
Groceries
Childcare
Transport
Direct debits
Clothes
Haircuts
Anything else you spend

See what’s left.

Can you reduce any of those? If not that’s what you have left to pay your debts. Can you do it? If not you may need to consolidate your debts into one smaller monthly payment.

Money saving expert website can advise you on this.

Hi, I've been there, it's horrible, but you will feel so much better when you tackle it. My advice is to be realistic. Set a budget which is manageable. Dont commit to anything which leaves you with nothing for disasters or emergencies. Work out how much you owe, and what your most expensive debts are in terms of interest. Pay those off first if you can. Move money onto interest free credit cards if you can. Speak to your creditors, tell them you want to pay and what you can afford. They will much rather you pay something than nothing.

If you like you could write a list of your incomings and outgoings and we could help you get started on budgeting. And if you have any debts we could then figure out the best and fastest way to pay them off?!!

Remember OP - how ever bad it is , it won't be as bad as burying your head in the sand. Once you confront it and know what you're dealing with then you can make steps to help rectify it and phone companies etc. You'll be surprised how much people will want to help if you're confronting your debts and offering what you can afford.
Well done for dealing with it now - it isn't easy and they'll be loads of great advice from helpful and knowledgeable posters so you're not alone.

This thread is so helpful. I can't thank you all enough. It's helping me keep some semblance of sanity in the panic knowing that some of you have been here and come out the other end, and that I have some hands to hold.

Try to remember this is one problem, in one area of your life, yes it's big but you're sorting it now and that's what counts.
Are you generally a nice person? You haven't killed anyone or stolen things take a deep breath and make a start. Once you know your incomings and outgoings it's a lot easier

I have opened the mail. I went from shaking like a leaf to a cold resigned feeling and managed to get through it. It's pretty full on though. Things are quite bad, but you're right in that the blind panic of not knowing isn't as bad as actually knowing the full extent. Going to do a breakdown of my finances / income / expenditure now, then I'm going to put on my big girl pants and pick up the phone. What a silly woman I have been. I haven't even been spending...just lots of mess caused by being made unemployed, starting business, switch to universal credits and costs that have arisen from ignoring things as they got worse and worse etc. I'm just starting the process of divorce too (although have been separated for years). My only ray of hope is that the money from the divorce (not much!) should cover what I owe, so at some point In the near/mid future I'll be able to be a 'reset' financial being. I'm determined to start being a grown up from now on and not ever letting it get this bad again. My mental health has taken a battering this year, and I'm sure most of it is caused by out of control finances.

Well done for making the first step to taking control of it all. I would strongly recommend getting in touch with an organisation like step change who can help you to look at your incoming and outgoings and can speak to creditors on your behalf, negotiate a payment plan that is affordable for you and freeze any interest. It will affect future borrowing for a period of time but it's definitely worth doing.

wirebrushanddettolmam your post was a godsend! Thank you!

What a silly woman I have been.

Maybe, but is it helpful to tell yourself that? Draw a line under it. You made some poor decisions. We all have at some point. It doesn’t definite us. Accept that you made mistakes, forgive yourself for it, then crack on with making some good decisions. You don’t benefit from beating yourself up about it. That doesn’t pay the bills. It’s done, it’s happened, we’re on a new page now.

Oh you’re very welcome! Glad to have helped. (Can you tell I’ve been exactly where you are? )

Well done on facing this op.
It sounds like your debt is more to do with circumstances rather than you going wild.
Good luck and I hope with the support on this thread you find a way to manage it.

You're all quite right. No more self hatred. Just onwards and upwards. I'm on the phone now...go me!

Let us know how you get on

I'm doing ok! Ploughing my way through things and it's nowhere near as bad as I imagined! I mean, it is...I do owe a small fortune, but at least it is mostly all in hand now and I have payment plans set up. I could honestly cry with relief from coming out of the dark (if that makes any sense). I will update with my actual situation later, and maybe beg for some advice on money management/budgeting etc. I swear once I get out of this hole I'm never going to dive back in it. New year, new financial me! Thank you all. It's been such a massive help just having someone to listen, as I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Well done on all your progress! One thing I found really helpful was working out my incoming/outgoing (incl extra debt repayments and savings to avoid getting in a pickle again) and then diving my food/petrol/fun money over 4/5 weeks depending upon how many until next payday. I’d then withdraw that in cash on one day, and that was it until the next week. So if it was £150 a week, that’s what I had. Anything I hadn't spent for that week out of my allowance for example £53.57, I’d sling the change in to a piggy bank, and the following week I’d take out £100, and use the £50 cash from the week before, and transfer the unspent £50 to a savings account to pay the debt down at the end of the month. Sometimes I’d transfer it straight to the debt if it was one I paid interest on.

I found that using cash really helped me curb my spending, because it was real, and I hated getting down to a few quid and having to wait!

Good luck 💐

That's great you sound so positive op, I'm sure this thread will inspire others too.

and it's nowhere near as bad as I imagined!

Brilliant! That’ll make it so much easier to tackle. You’ll probably sleep a better tonight having cut off such a big chunk of the problem.