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[Rachregan27]

Hi I am just looking for some advice has I don't know if I'm right or wrong.

Here goes I've been with my partner for 3 & half years now, we have a 17 month old baby. I've had to go back to work has he's complained about buying baby clothes stuff for the house etc he his on a low income which I get that, now I've started to receive a wage (only working 12.5 hours weekly.. but since we've lived together I pay the gas & electric monthly the rent, I pay my water weekly, phone bill, petrol in the car which he uses when he's off work. He buys the shopping which is mainly for him for work has I work in the evening and make him meals before I go work sometimes, I still buy food in from the Asda for me and baby has the Aldi where I am doesn't sell everything we need. I ask him see if he's going to help me out because I'm constantly skint and he says he pays for the shopping that should equal to the bills etc..
Any nice advice would be lovely

I know a lot of couples keep money separate but my partner and I (not married) just put our money together. His wages go into his account but we both use his card. Benefits go into mine and we both use this card. Which ever we pick up first. We don't worry about what I have or what he has. It's our family money. Makes it a lot simpler and fairer. He's happy and I am. We're both poor, but were poor together

Could you sit down together and look at all your expenses and then divide them fairly - taking into account that you provide more childcare then him and so work fewer hours. So I do not mean a 50/50 split. If he has no interest in making it fair Warning bells would be ringing.

I am not sure but in your post I think you say you pay all the rent? If yes how did that come about?

Does he genuinely 100% understand what it costs to run a home, does he live with you or stop with his Mam?
Write it all down and show him. If nothing changes get rid of him.

Worthing lass
I do agree with what your saying, nothing gets transferred into my account or we don't use his card I don't think I've used his card in weeks and moans if I do use for baby some stuff , I've just noticed when there's things to pay for lately everything's coming off my card. He says I should pay because I have more money than him! I say you get paid weekly and I get paid monthly which has to last me the whole month (universal credit & my wage)

He lives with him but I am genuinely thinking that he should live back with his mum, he used to give her £300 a month excluding his food.
I wouldn't mind even if he gave me £300 pound a month!!! I don't get nothing..

Rach, I don't want to sound harsh but I think you are better off without him. He sounds like a complete tool. Charge him rent if he lives with you and tell him to pay half (at least) of all baby costs. Good luck x

Go through the bills together. He’s taking the piss.

If he gave her that much what’s his excuse for not giving you that much? Is he still supporting his mum?

I’d understand if you were buying all expensive beauty products and trying to get him to pay or something but if it’s just general shopping it needs split. If he can’t give you a fair sum of money he can go live with his mum if it means you’ll be better off. Do your own sums about that one!

He sounds a bit of a mummy’s boy.

It's just made me feel better that people can see it from my point of view and agree with me because all his says to me that I want want want all the time which makes me feel bad and I then feel bad for asking for anything.I've even said to him if you go half's on the bills I'll go half's on the shopping with you, it's a win win, I don't ask for anything off him only to help me with my baby.
Thank you 😊
I am going to sit down with him and explain all of this if he don't start to contribute and he can go back to his mammys! I could easily do it on my own instead of feeling like I have 2 kids.
Xx

well, I think money shouldn't be shared based on whats spending what and who is paying what ...I think the money should be in a common pool like and be shared/spended equally based on the most important needs of each person or both as couple or baby first. when you are couple or have a baby you should do sacrifices.

he says he pays for the shopping that should equal to the bills etc..

Could you show him the bills so he can see how unfairly your income is being divided? There is no way that you could be spending the same on food shopping as you do on the other bills even if you bought nothing but ready meals from Waitrose and Marks and Spencer (which you obviously don’t). He should definitely be paying half towards the baby’s costs. Why does he think it ok to give you less than he gave his mum?

Show him how much child maintenance he will be expected to pay if he moves out, might give him the kick up the arse he needs when he realises he will have to pay that on top of what he pays his mum!

Are you claiming UC as a single parent or a couple?!

I don’t understand how you’ve let him get away with this for longer than a month!?? Do you really need people on the internet to tell you he’s being unfair?

Write down with him both of your ingoings and outgoings so you can directly compare what’s happening.

He sounds like a total cock lodger; I bet his mum was thrilled when he met you!

How on earth are you running a house on 12.5 hours per week?