Advice on splitting with husband......options, maintenance etc..........

[ShockedAtHavingToAskThis]

Changed name for obvious reasons.

Don't want to go into the story as still in shock and upset. But, because of my son, I want to get things all sorted and know my options from the start.

I run my own childminding business and it's really successful now and I don't want to stop it all and go on benefits just because my husband is leaving (other childminder friends have had advice and then stopped childminding because it was the only way to keep their house).

Here are some questions (sorry if not all clear, I'm a bit messed up as still fresh ):

1. Mortgage is £201k (well, that's what we took out last Nov). I don't want to sell the house and split the money, what are my options? I've worked out I can scrape by for the rest of this year on my own (without maintenance) and then from Jan, my money goes up a lot and I can afford it even better. Problem is I worry about my husband coming off the mortgage and just my name being on as I'm self employed.

2. What legal rights do I have to maintenance? We have been very calm about things but last night dh said he wouldn't be able to afford maintenance. Where do I stand with this?

3. Am I entitled to any help as I'll struggle for a bit? I think I get discounted council tax if single? Anything else I may be able to get? (just little bits here and there to help me out this year)?

4. Anything else anyone can advise that I may not have thought of?

TIA

Would you have to get a new mortgage in order to 'get him off'?

Do you mean maintenance for you or your children?

I think he'll find that he HAS to pay maintanence for his children - this is not an option

Can;t really help woth the other stuff - speak to your mortgage provider and see what they say

Good luck

I'm not sure, I just know that when I met him years ago, the house we lived in was in his and very very ex gf due to that being the only option or he'd loose the house. It's all so new, I'm not sure of my options but I think when you end up being the only name on the mortgage, they look at all the revised income etc don't they?

Maintenance for ds. I've worked everything as if I'll get none but he's going to need new clothes/shoes and stuff from time to time and this I can't afford with what I've worked out.

Your husband is legally obliged to pay child maintenance at 15% for one child, 20% for two and 25% for 3 or more. That's based on his net pay after tax, ni and pension contributions.

You would normally expect to receive more than half of the capital assets (house, savings etc) if the children stay living with you. Therefore, if it's agreed that the house is transferred to you either outright or with your husband retaining a long term interest, you should either arrange for the mortgage also to be transferred into your name, or if the lender will not agree to that, a clause can be put into the consent order which will eventually be negotiated to the effect that you will indemnify (legally protect) your husband so far as the mortgage is concerned.

It's fairly complex and you need to get a solicitor on board asap.

Try www.resolution.org.uk to find a local family law specialist, and good luck.

Thanks, will speak to my mortgage provider when I've calmed down a bit - don't want to burst into tears on the phone but I'm ok hiding behind a laptop!

i dont know a great deal, but i dont think he has theluxury of saying he cant afford maitenace for his kids.
20% of net income i think it is.

mumblechum - that's GREAT, thanks. I sort of thought dh didn't get a choice as to whether or not he pays! I'm not trying to be greedy but why should ds suffer!!!

He has to pay maintenance, 15% according to the CSA for one child.

You'll get the council tax discount and family allowance. Not sure re tax credits as presuming your wages are high if you can afford the mortgage at 2k alone.

cylon - thanks, that's how I felt when he said it!!!

This is all so hard to take in as I still love him and he says he does too - his reasons for leaving are crazy but I'm trying to work things out and know where we stand - sort of helps me deal with it!

HappyMummyOfOne - thanks. The mortgage is £1130 a month (the whole mortgage is £201,000). Another thing I have to work out is how much tax to put aside for the business. So far I've not had to pay tax but reckon i will now as earning more.

If you don't mind me asking Shocked, but your mortgage payments seem very low for a £200k mortgage. Mine repayments are the same for a mortgage of just over half what you have. Is it repayment only, in which case you need to think urgently about how to repay the capital, not just the interest.

F"CK you've made a VERY good point there, I totally forgot and was just looking at the list of DD's and stuff. I admit this all happened last night, I'm still in shock and didn't get much sleep. Still glad I asked this though as that means I need to re-think everything

I just want to stand on my own 2 feet, don't want to be on benefits etc.

Is there any rough calculation I can do to roughly work out what a proper repayment mortgage would cost a month? I know I can't afford that, just want to see it in black and white.

There are various mortgage calculator websites. But as you know your interest payment, presumably the capital would be the amount outstanding (£200,000, divided by the term of your mortgage (e.g. 25 years) divied by 12 to give you the monthly amount, so an additional £667 a month.

you can continue childminding and still claim income support as a self employed person - there are special rukles for income for childminders. 'we' don't look at your expenditure, just your profit and take 1/3rd of that into account against your income support. As you bought your house after 1995 (?) you would need to wait 9 months for help with the interest on the first 100k of mortgage payments. If you don't want to claim income support, you'd (probably) be entitled to tax creditson top of your income as a childminder.

do not under any circumstances agree to sell the house and share the proceeds. it's very difficult to get adecent mortagge based on one income.

boo-hoo to your ex regarding maintenance, it's a legal obligation to maintain his child(ren) 15% of his income for one child 20% for two and 25% for three +.

25% off of your council tax for being a single person.

sit down and work out your income/expenditure, cut out the fripperies ( mine even goes as far as not buying shower gel, but buying four bars of soap for the same price, which will last four times as long)

clothes for dcs - i put £10 a month on a next card and go to the sale on boxing day - i buy enough clothes for the year with around £100 and top up with asda clothes throughout the year.

try money saving expert for more tips on saving cash.

hope this helps and that you're ok,

hi there

It seems that your priority is to remain in the house.

Whether this is achievable will depend upon how willing your ex is to forgo or to wait for his share of the equity.

You need to calculate the total sum of your capital assets-policies, savings, equity in the house, pensions available to you both etc. Can you offset his share of the house by giving him other capital assets.

If the house is the major asset-he will be entitled to a share but you can try and negotiate on the basis of a deferred charge-ie. he receives his share when the youngest child reaches 18 or ceases full time education whichvere is the latter.

His housing needs will be a factor-ie can he rehouse himself? you may find that securing his release from the mortgage is the only way he can obtain a mortgage of his own and so you must seriously look into this.

Is it possible for you to rehouse yourself in the area with your share of the equity and a smaller mortgage? all of these matters are ultimatley relevant.

You will need to consult a solicitor about this in due course.

As the others have said-child maintenance is not optional. Your maintenance is.

it's very early days for you-you must feel in a bit of a tail spin. All these things take ages to resolve. Try and take each day as it comes and try and reach agreements that get you through the next few months.

HTH

I should mention that i divided the equity in the house when we split up and then had to rent for three years. the only way i could get back on teh housing ladder was to buy an ex local authority mid terrace hous ein a pretty wild area. the local schools are awful and i hate every single second that i spend there. hang onto your house for dear life. it's not your dcs fault that you're splitting up and they shouldn't have to leave the family home for whatever reason mum and dad can't get along.

apologies for awful typing!

titchy - thanks. Very strange, just done an online thing and put £201,000 in over 30 yrs (can't remember the length as head all messy and can't get to paperwork as baby mindee in that room having a nap)......anyway...........put in rough % rates until I got it to come to the same figure as my monthly mortgage payments. The Repayment figure was only £200 a month more which can't be right Based on the extra you mentioned, I can no way afford all of that now but can from January (but obviously tighter than interest only payments).

persephonesnape - that's great to hear. I was so worried due to other childminders having to stop childminding as couldn't keep their houses. Bit surprised as my friend who went through this didn't have such a big mortgage but then again, I think she had less income. I've built this business up and now things are great and I have waiting lists, all vacancies filled for January when my ds goes to school, another space filled for next Easter - be such a shame to throw that away. Plus I used to build websites in my spare time but stopped as too busy. Can always start that again if needed. Thanks for all the other tips, I don't want to loose this house!!! We only fu*king moved here in November!!!

chipkid - yes, priority is keeping the house. We only bought it in November so doubt much equity and don't think dh would argue for that, he wants me to be able to keep it myself for ds's sake. I doubt he'd get a mortgage even if he'd free of this one. Is total takehome is only about £1200 and we're in the South East where ANYTHING costs a lot. We need to look into 1 bed places I suppose but with the bills etc. he'd have even less for a mortgage plus he's currently at risk of loosing his job to redundancy (would be 4th time) but wouldn't get much payout if ANY due to length of service being under 2 yrs. Also, he always finds it hard to get jobs due to his age and this is another worry. I could rehouse but I'd loose some business no doubt. Less room means either won't be allowed to childmind or would only be allowed certain number of children which would reduce income. Plus a lot of people love my setting with the playhouse etc. and maybe they'd go elsewhere (they tell me I'm great etc. but I just have no confidence and worry about this stuff).

Get your child benefit paid into your own account and not your joint account if you have one.

Maintencance has to be paid and as you have ds you will be entitled to 15% of salary.

Call gingerbread when they open at 10am i believe - if you call at any other time it is unlikely that you will get through. They are fantastic and they really helped me out when i became a single parent they are also single parent themselves.

Anything else i can think of i will post. Good luck and check out the lone parent board.
xx

Hi JellyJelly

Not sure if you guessed who this is??? (as you happen to have just called and left me a message - can't really chat as off to Wales in few hours so lots to sort)

Just an update....details are in Relationships section but basically, I think we're sorted but all this info really did help and may end up being needed one day but hopefully not.

xx