Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

The Christmas Presents Bill ???

31 replies

dfliv · 04/12/2019 09:12

How does it work in your house ?

My partner and I have 2 children, joint account, mortgage and everything else that goes with being in fantastic relationship together so you could say we are very settled.

Every Christmas we have the same issue when it comes to buying presents for the wider family. Her take on things is we each use our own money to purchase gifts for our own side of the family. So she buys her Mum and Dad etc and I buy for my Mum and Dad etc.

The only slight issue is her family is made up of 4 others and mine 22 others.

So the question is how do you do it in your household and what do you feel is a fair split?
Buy all the presents for all friends and families and split the bill 50/50 or continue to spend individually on each associated family member ?
Looking forward to seeing what the general consensus is. Thanks.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 04/12/2019 09:24

Do you have to buy for 22 people?
We set a budget for presents and divide that by the amount of recipients.

FenceFuckery · 04/12/2019 09:32

Surely you can cull the 22? That’s insane unless they are all close immediates.

In our family, we only buy for parents, siblings (1 on each side), and kids. Outside of that it’s a family secret Santa for the great grand kids only. Small family, there are 9 of them.

I’d do all you can to reduce your number of presents to buy as a first fix.

Otherwise it should come from joint funds surely?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 04/12/2019 09:58

I think your problem is that your buying 22 presents. Can you cut down?

Original poster
dfliv · 04/12/2019 10:23

22 is the bare bones of the family. They are all brothers sisters nieces and nephews Confused This doesn't include any personal friends and neighbours etc....

OP posts:
ColdRainAgain · 04/12/2019 10:29

It all comes out of the joint account in this house.

I think it's time your family had a chat about cutting down on Chrustmas tho. 22 presents is a crazy amount. Could you do a secret Santa for, say, 5 people. Or cut the adults? Or each of you do 3 gifts for one named person?

Thenagainmaybenot · 04/12/2019 10:31

There is only a problem if the way you do it is causing a problem. By which I mean there would be lots of ways you could do it:

Have all resents come from a joint account and spend the same on each adult/child
Have all presents come from a joint account and spend different amounts on adults/children from different families
Have presents come from sole accounts and spend what you like
Have presents come from sole accounts and have a budget
Etc Etc

Each of these would be fine in some situations and not fine in others.

But I am not exactly sure what the problem is here. Does the amount you spend at Christmas on your family severely limit the amount you have to spend on yourself throughout the rest of the year?

If so - how about clubbing together with your siblings to buy joint presents for your nieces and nephews? They may prefer one bigger present to two smaller ones, especially as they get older? And club together with your siblings to buy jointly for your parents? Or so a Secret Santa for the adults?

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/12/2019 10:32

We don't do brothers and sisters any more. Adults can afford to buy what they want when they want it.

chamenanged · 04/12/2019 10:33

The solution to this is not that your partner should pay for presents on your side, imo. Absolutely no one should have a core list of 22 people to have to buy for. We do secret Santa in my partner's family with only six of us!

Stockingfiller1 · 04/12/2019 10:37

I would message all of your siblings now and state that this year you are only buying for the children or suggest a secret Santa between the grown ups!! That’s a ridiculous amount of ppl to buy for. We stopped buying for adults (except our parents) and this year we are only getting our nieces and nephews a selection box (and vice versa from my siblings to my dc)

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/12/2019 10:42

I would message all of your siblings now and state that this year you are only buying for the children or suggest a secret Santa between the grown ups!!

Surely it's too late for that this year, it's December! Although if your family are the type to go for it; it could be great for next year.

marymungoandminge · 04/12/2019 12:20

22 is totally absurd - do you get 22 presents in return and your wife just gets 4?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 04/12/2019 12:23

And why buy for friends and neighbours?????

With me and my friends, we don't buy each other anything but we do have a get together, a night out with a lovely meal and a catch up. that means more to us than gifts.

And as a PP said, don't buy for adults. Adults can buy themselves what they want when they want it.

PrincessWatermelon · 04/12/2019 13:20

We do all presents from the shared joint account. But then actually everything is shared from that! We have similar numbers of people on each side of the family, but his are "tidier" and have organised Secret Santa. Mine are more split up so it's impossible to do a sensible share of gifts, which means far more is spent on my side of the family.

However, in our situation we've been married 14 years and we've agreed that what's mine is his and his is mine. And that includes extended family! So they all belong to both of us, if you see what I mean.

mcmen05 · 04/12/2019 13:23

If it's a joint bank account what is the problem it's both your money in one account.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/12/2019 13:44

One pot split the bill.
DHs side.... Parents, brother, sil, 2x niece. His grandmother passed away earlier this year so now one less
My side, parents, brother.

(And in an non- Mumsnet fashion... I will sort out presents for his mum and nieces, plus our godchildren. He admits to be clueless as to what babies, toddlers or teenage girls would like)

dementedpixie · 04/12/2019 14:20

We don't buy for adults that have children, we just give to the children. Childless adults do get something. Don't buy for friends or neighbours either (well we did start giving to next door as they keep handing in something for the 2 kids). If it's a joint account does the money not just come from there

Notreallyhappy · 04/12/2019 19:13

Don't buy for anyone over 21...then have a get together after Christmas.
Someone will thank you eventually for canceling excess buying...I did it this year.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/12/2019 06:50

If it's a joint bank account what is the problem it's both your money in one account Maybe if the OP earns over five times more than his/her DP then it might be fair, but it's still a ridiculous situation.

What if there isn''t the money in the joint account to buy presents for 22 people, most of whom probably don't want or need one?

Second/third/fifth all the suggestions about not buying presents for other adults, even if they are siblings or first cousins, that really is insane. And even if you are a large family with 3/4 siblings who all have 3/4 DC you have to work with what you can afford and I can guarantee that many of your siblings are also feeling the pressure, so just stop. If you have several siblings and they all have large families just get each family a board game or similar and a box of biscuits. No need at all for individual presents.

With 22 people in a cycle of gift giving, the cost and waste must be enormous. Plus the time and mental load. Perhaps that's why your DP thinks you should pay for and deal with it yourself. So you can see how ridiculous it has all become and cut back to sensible levels.

fromdownwest · 05/12/2019 09:04

Anyone over the age of 18 gets put into the Secret Santa draw in my house. So direct family buy one gift, get one gift.

Stops the financial stress, and the problem of coming home with stuff that we do not actually need.

The children have a strict price limit per person, no exceptions (apart from GP's who insist on spending more, but its an ongoing joke)

Hoppinggreen · 05/12/2019 17:01

If OP can afford to and wants to buy presents for 22 family members Then that’s up to him/her
If not then just buy for adults and if you both earn equally then OP should but for his/her side of the family

lifeisgoodagain · 05/12/2019 17:22

Always had a joint account so wasn't an issue, I did all the shopping. First Christmas post split and he's transferred £300 for kids presents and Christmas Day food contribution but he can buy his family's gifts!

Pateontheback · 06/12/2019 19:57

She can buy her 4 you can buy your 22.
Stop buying for friends and neighbours.
I buy for 4 people. I’d happily stop altogether

charm8ed · 07/12/2019 13:46

We save £40 to £50 per month for Christmas presents. We buy for parents and DC and that’s it. We use our own money separate to the Christmas pot for presents for each other.
Nice and easy and none of the buying £10/£20 gifts for relatives.

GreenTulips · 07/12/2019 13:50

DH buys for his family - 2 people
I buy for 17 people

I pay for my families gifts he pays for his

He’s the higher earner

We share the kids gifts 1/3 I pay 2/3 he pays
Roughly!! It’s swings and roundabouts depending on what they want

RollOnNextYear · 07/12/2019 18:51

Joint here too from when I was Working I'm. Now a sahm so all from his wage. I have the larger family too.
I used to have nr 30 to buy for. 3 yrs ago I stopped. Only. Do parents.. My sis that does a lot for me and grandparents. Not neices and nephews etc. It's an absolute relief