My life is in a complete mess right now and feel trapped and confused...

[Boogbuster]

I'm not sure if this post is appropriate for this group but I'm in a serious predicament and need any advice I can get right now...

I live with my long term partner, our toddler and my adult son from a previous marriage who came to live with me after the relationship with his dad broke down. This caused a bit of upheaval in our home initially. partner and I have had a rocky relationship since the beginning but things settled down and we're on an even keel family wise

Everything is coming to a head now though and I'm at breaking point

*I'm neck deep in debt and NEED to file for bankruptcy but can't as partners wage has to be included in the calculations which is not fair as I accumulated most of this debt before we got together I'm also worried if filling for bankruptcy will affect my right to remain in the UK (my EU Settlement application was approved but still don't feel secure here and have never lived in France my mother land so don't know how I'd survive there)

*I'm on thin ice at work due to underperforming at my dead end job which is in part due to my mental health problems which in turn are causing serious issues between my partner and I at the moment. Can't get councilling and none of the meds have helped (I'm basically stuck in a rut and can't seem to dig my way out of)

*My father in law who we rent from (partners step dad) is not happy that my son and his dog are living with us and wants them out (I can understand why he's not happy about the dog as we didn't ask permission to bring him over but as my sister in law who also rents from them has pets as does he I assumed it wouldn't be a big deal) but kicking my son out would do irreparable damage to our already fragile relationship

*To top it all off partner's mother is critically ill and my elderly dad is no longer capable of livin on his own and needs me but lives in another country and I wouldn't have space for him in our house

I feel like screeming right now and am feeling so stressed and lost I even contemplated suicide the other day.

I know I need to seek profession advice but am frozen in fear right now and hope an objective third party could suggest possible solutions 🙏

is your adult son working ? if so does he contribute to your finances ? Are you claiming any benefits you are entitled to ? have you spoken to an organisation like Stepchange or CAP to discuss the best way to deal with the debt ?

Get yourself to CAB and start to put a plan in place. One step at a time, one day at a time. You will get through this but you need help, you can't do this alone. Sending you a big hug and some much needed strength. I'm sorry I don't have any more practical advice for you. Keep your head up

Try stepchange for debt advice. You need to do whatever you can to keep your job and maximise household income including from your son.

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice

I really appreciate it, as much as I've been avoiding it I have to go into step change xx

Also go to Money Saving Expert/ debt free wannabe for financial advice.
Non judgemental and very wise people over there. and best of luck. Mx.

Have you looked into a debt relief order?

I've decided the best thing i can do for everyone is to separate from DP i think we could both do with a break (it's not easy living with me when my depression peaks) and that way he wont be affected by any repercussions of dealing with my debt

surprisingly he took the news quite well which was a relief in a way but part of me was a little sad he didn't try to convince me to stay together :(

since i have ZERO savings for laying down a deposit in private rental i looked into council housing but my chances aren't good as i'm not technically homeless so i'm back to square one - need to get out but nowhere to go

i could sell my car for the deposit but then that would make getting to work on time a nightmare due to shitty transport links in my area

guess i'm gonna have to go back to the drawing board...

@serebrina for some reason your comment was deleted please repost

I was in a similar situation to you but instead it was my do that was in huge debt. His pay was good but it wasn't enough to keep 7 of us and we weren't entitled to anything, we both were diagnosed with depression and are relationship hit rock bottom. We too separated and things have never been better, sometimes it's the only way.

Are you sure you need to go down the bankruptcy route? What sort of figures are you talking about, £5k, £10k, more?

It's easy enough to set up a debt management plan, either through something like Stepchange or by yourself.

Have you asked the council housing people if they would help with first months rent and a deposit on a private rented property, I believe some councils do this.

Just to let you know I spoke to step change about bankruptcy and they said I did not need to give partners details as debts in my name.

Please look after yourself. I am worried by what you said about self harm. Your son needs you and your baby needs you. No one has ‘debtor’ on their tombstone, your family relationships are the most precious thing.

Just take one thing at a time. Seek help with the debt first. Put your dad’s issues aside for now.

Rayn is correct. You don’t have to give your partners income. If your partner doesn’t give his income then it is assumed he pays 50% of the bills.

Check with the council whether they do a deposit scheme. Did you tell them that your partner was chucking you out or you were leaving?

Pop over to Moneysavingexpert.com and the bankruptcy board and the guys will talk you through it.
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=136

Have a chat with National Debtline
www.nationaldebtline.org

Or

StepChange
www.stepchange.org/about-us/our-history.aspx

Is it a great deal of debt? Is it joint with the ex?

Please contact one of the agencies suggested by previous posters, they will help you and not judge you.

Tell them about your depression and the self harm as well as the debt.