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Original poster

Anyone with family law knowledge? Still stressing over custody, please help....

33 replies

lunavix · 14/08/2007 17:58

H (I refuse point blank to call him dh now) is saying he wants custody of the kids mon-fri one week then all weekend the next (bearing in mind during work hours I'll be having them, as I'm a childminder.)

Honestly, what are his chances? I don't want to stop him seeing them but he now says he has equal rights to them and will fight me in court for them. What is he likely to get, bearing in mind neither of us has cheated, neither of us are drug addicts, and neither of us are in jail????

OP posts:
aloha · 14/08/2007 18:01

Really, really unlikely! So he wants you to look after them as his unpaid childminder, then pick them up and take them to his house every night alternate weeks? And also have alternate weekends? That's totally unreasonable! He will probably get alternate weekends and maybe one night in the week or something. How close do you intend living to each other? How old are they?

aloha · 14/08/2007 18:06

tbh, the way the family courts work is that they try to find a 'compromise' so you need to work out what you think is reasonable and good for the kids (eg alternate weekends, Friday night to sun afternoon plus wed nights for tea) then suggest one weekend a month and no weeknights. The courts will compromise with alternate weekends plus wed nights for tea and overnight. I know it sounds horrible and sneaky but IME that's how it works. But before you resort to tactics, what do you honestly think the children would like? Is he doing this because he's always been a hands on, involved dad, or do you think he may be trying to upset you?

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:11

he's a great dad, but I'm the one who looks after them, the most he does is a quick play and he always baths them.

We had already agreed on alternate weekends and one night during the week but he's backtracked (with a lot of other conditions I've put in another thread)

another problem is we own a house (briefly, no equity as interest only mortgage and the value has gone down) I was planning on just leaving and trying to get another place through council etc but i've been told if I leave he'll get custody because he has the nice house and i have the crummy bedsit. Which I spose is true but I can't see a way around not having to put up with this every night

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Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:13

that's what I said about the unpaid childminder thing. Also means that he'd alternatively have them for a whole week + weekend at a time.

I want them to have continuity in their life which switching houses every week will not give.

He says he wants to move away, I for now at least want to stay put. If he stays, it's literally minutes apart, depending on how housing turns out.

I've told him that he can have them occassionally for longer eg holidays, if he has time off work etc. I don't want to keep them from him, I want them to see him a lot, but I want to be the main carer.

OP posts:
aloha · 14/08/2007 18:18

I think the best way to get him out is to move on teh divorce as quickly as you can.

charliecat · 14/08/2007 18:20

Money wise for tax credits etc you need to be main carer, or you will end up paying CSA to him, just thought id add that little bit.
Get to housing ASAP, you may not end up in crummy bedsit, but get on the list.

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:20

We've only been split up for two weeks ANother what... two years to go??

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Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:21

charliecat - yes I'm going monday, first day with no mindees in a long time. Going to cry and beg and see what happens. I'm not holding my breath however.

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Twinkie1 · 14/08/2007 18:21

I would say half of school hols and maybe every other weekend Fri night to Sunday night.

Why do you have to leave the house why not him?

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:36

twinkie - well as of yet I don't, but he will just stay put and be an arse like he is now till i either kill him or myself.

if I leave apparently i'm less likely to get custody.

fucking shit situation

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Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:36

and I could just about cope with every other weekend and half school holidays though he only gets 4 weeks holiday a year lol so dunno how he'd cope

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Twinkie1 · 14/08/2007 18:38

Trustme you couldn't cope with every other weekend and half the school holidays - that means you wouldn't see your kids for nearly 2 weeks and it used to kill me before I got custody of DD.

Go and see a solicitor for advice you get 30 mins or an hour free usually for the first appointment.

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 18:45

but you said half the shcool holidays....

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aloha · 14/08/2007 19:11

Why two years? YOu can get a quicker divorce than that!

aloha · 14/08/2007 19:13

And don't move out! I assume your business depends on your living in teh house as well?

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 19:16

well my business depends on me living in a house....

I thought you could only get one quicker than two years if one person had cheated?

OP posts:
aloha · 14/08/2007 19:18

Talk to your solicitor about a possible occupation order. YOu might need your GP to say somethign like you are becoming stressed and depressed because of the strain of living with your husband under the same roof.

aloha · 14/08/2007 19:19

No, you just go for unreasonable behaviour. And that can mean anything. You don't need to 'prove' it.

aloha · 14/08/2007 19:19

Do you have a solicitor?

aloha · 14/08/2007 19:22

Examples of unreasonable behaviour don't have to be extreme, but need to be relatively recent - ie during the last six months.

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 19:22

will local family mediation be enough or does it have to be a solicitor?

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Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 19:23

this one www.berks-mediation.org.uk/ is our local one

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aloha · 14/08/2007 19:23

If you want a divorce and to get him out of the house, you need a solicitor - mediation is not enough.

aloha · 14/08/2007 19:25

Mediation is only IN ADDITION to the legalities. Divorce is a legal process. If you had no property, no kids and agreed on everything, then you could do a DIY divorce (though you would still need to go through a legal process which mediation won't help with) but in your situation you need a solicitor.

Original poster
lunavix · 14/08/2007 19:43

okay then, thank you.

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