Constantly stressed about money

[JackMummy12]

Ok, so I don't know why I'm like this but really need help as it's making my mental health really bad

I'm constantly trying to save money and when I do, I never have enough saved and when I do have to take money out of my savings for things I feel like a complete failure, like I'm not actually saving anything because I'm having to take money out..

I know this sounds ridiculous but I need help because I am finding myself for hours of the day feeling shit because I feel like I'm skint and can't afford anything, but in reality I try and push too much money into savings.

Is there such a thing as financial anxiety? And can I do anything to relax? I'm going on maternity leave next year and seem to think I'm going to be destitute.

Yes! Me!

I honestly could have written your post.

For me, I think it’s a need to control stemming from general anxiety.

I reassure myself by deliberately catastrophising and then working backwards: I lose my job because of a bad mistake and have no money coming in? Wait: would my friends and family let me starve? No. Would I get a new job? Yes. Do I have savings? Yes (and you’re so used to scrimping that you’d be able to live on very little I think!)

I highly suspect CBT would help us both. But, for now, just know you’re not alone

Why do you feel the need to save and what for ?

First off look at your income and your spending and work out what is essential.
Look at what you will not need to spend once on Maternity leave (work clothes, travel, food out etc etc)
and reallocate that money to the baby.

Then look at other ways to economise -
babies grow at lightning speed - buy EVERYTHING second hand
breast feed as long as you can - its cheaper and good for both of you

do you have a partner who can share the burden
but in the big scheme of things

most folks are stony broke when their kids are small
accept that you are normal and relax

I could have wrote your post too. I’m so ridiculous!! I try to save so much every month & live basic when there’s really no need then have to “borrow” from my savings which makes me worse I’m so ridiculous I set myself an allowance of £5 a day I know stupid! Recently I upped it to £10 as it wasn’t possible ha

This isn’t a case of being broke, this is I can’t save enough as in I constantly want to save and for no reason in particular, I seem to want to hit a milestone in savings and then get frustrated when I have to take money out of savings... but surely that’s what it’s for? But my mind doesn’t feel like that and I feel like a failure when I have to move anything back, that could be car service, Tax or just needing a bit extra that month.

This is our 2nd baby, so haven’t needed to buy a lot only clothes as different genders.

I’ve saved a fair amount this year and am worried next year that if I have to use these savings for maternity leave I will feel again like I’ve failed.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s controlling my life at the moment and I’m not quite sure if the best way to deal with it. I can’t enjoy anything because I feel so guilty spending,

Also, glad to see I’m not the only one.

Do you have particular things you are saving for? Do you know where your anxiety around money came from? No one in my life seems to be like this and spend money easily, which again I think makes me feel like I’m skint,,,

It might be helpful if you could set yourself a realistic budget, working out a monthly amount for known annual costs, such as car tax, MOT, insurances, etc and also a certain amount for unknowns. This could be saved in a separate account, so you can access easily, but, crucially, also know that this is what the money is for, and you are not "failing" by taking it out. Honestly, this really helped me.

I started saving for specific things, but am now just saving. I can relate to the feeling of failure when you spend some of it. I’m currently diverting most of what I save into the mortgage currently to overpay. It makes me feel uncomfortable, even though I know it makes more financial sense.

I’m not a parent, so apologies if this doesn’t work, but can you pay yourself a sort of wage from your savings next year (to top up Mat pay)? So you’re not just dipping in, it’s more controlled? Might help the way you feel about it?

Most people have no savings, most people have a baby at the “wrong” time. You make it work. Why stress about saving money rather than enjoying life.
All baby needs is a roof above their head food and love. Try and put it in perspective. Most women don’t have a mound of savings for mat leave and it’s tough but they cope.
Don’t compare to others in your life everyone has different circumstances.

I teach people how to budget and I think you need to jam jar this. What I mean is, rather than having one savings pot, you split the money across multiple accounts on your online banking (or jam jars in a cupboard if you work in cash) and move money to these on payday:-

• Car repairs/tyres/MOT/servicing/tax
• Clothes and shoes
• Kids' (nappies, wipes, baby groups etc - I put my Child Benefit in my equivalent of this one)
• Christmas and birthdays
• Household savings (annual insurances, replacing appliances)
• Health (dentist, optician, haircuts)
• Kids' savings accounts (one each)
• Tax
• Holidays
• Long term savings

Obviously amend the categories to suit yourself but I like this way of working. It means there's not one random pot of money you feel guilty for dipping into as the money is being saved for purposes and you are saving small amounts for each category but saving these small amounts often.

I'm exactly the same. I'm an accountant so spend my working life figuring out how to save as well .... I think mine stems from being a sole parent with zero maintenance from my ex; I was overseas and only had six weeks of maternity leave and got into a cycle of "what if?" thinking.

I was really annoyed when I had to have a mortgage because house prices had shot up (that's how ridiculous I can be). I check my bank balance on my phone when I wake up. I have a spreadsheet which I adjust daily with actual and projected spend for the month. I have a saving aim of just over two thirds of my salary but am always trying to make it more, so spend less.

I know exactly where you are coming from. I put it down to insecurity of some description, not necessarily financial but that's the most tangible way to ensure that an element of security exists.

I'm 50 and have learned to live with it. Nobody knows because I'm generous and normal with gift giving etc - I enjoy it. That makes me wonder if there is also a bit of "I don't deserve it" in there somewhere. I sent DD to a private primary school and didn't consider the expense because it was for her, not me, yet I struggle with a coffee that's not made at home and the instant type!!! Madness.

I think insecurity is key to it.

A budget is a wonderful tool (as are various savings pots!) but I think the OP is talking about the negative feelings attached rather than actually budgeting, if that makes sense?

I do think CBT may help shift your thinking patterns.

I’m seriously envious if your ability to save that much Lobster!

Hi, I suffer from mental health problems, my husbands job changed and his wage has been reduced drastically, we are managing to pay bill etc, not a lot left over but that’s okay, the reason I’m posting is we still manage to put a small amount into savings and manage to pay into a private pension, he also has a work pension as well.
It’s just I have major problems in touching my savings, eg scared to touch them in case we are left with nothing can I get any advice how to make me see ,if it is going to be okay, so worried and panicking about this

Flowering21 I feel the same. Mines mostly I think about when we were first living together we had no money and my husband wasn't in a secure job.

I save and save but never feel there is enough to be secure. I worry I'm not making the most out of life because I'm constantly wanting to earn more money but spend less.

I am saving to buy a house but I am trying to save too much, to the point I have £10’a day I’m so ridiculous I can’t control it. If I spent more than £10 I panic. I don’t know where it’s come from but just the last two years embarrassingly I once ran out of petrol & broke down because I’d spent my £10 per day 😂😂 I do think I need therapy

OP, how much do you have in savings compared to your usual monthly salary?

One thing I did before I went on maternity leave was to save up nine months of salary beforehand - it is horrible when you go back to no money, but then you're earning again, aren't you?

I'm like this too. I'm on universal credit as looking after Young one and hubby has been signed off work due to bad back so we are getting full UC which does cover everything but there's not a ton left over for days our birthdays etc. I do try to save what I can as with UC u are allowed up to £6k in savings. We have £1,500 which is not bad and not needed for anything in particular but it's still good to have just in case. Especially as hubby is so bad with money so Altho I control the purse strings, he is naughty as he just asked me to transfer a fiver for toilet rolls when in reality for the Tesco own brand lack of 9 I think it's only about £3.50 so I'm just gonna buy them myself later

I do agree it's a good idea to save up 9 months salary if u can before maternity leave. That's what I did before my first Altho it wasn't 9 months it was only about 4 months but it was still something to help

I worry about money all the time. About 7 years ago DH and I were really skint and then DD came along. We had bugger all and lived in a tiny flat that we could barely afford and worried all the time about what to spend on and how to afford the vasocs. ast forward and our luck has changed considerably - both kids are at school, we have had large promotions and inherited some money. We have plenty of money but have been unable change my mindset. I worry about how much Im spending per day on food, I worry about all the small expenses then worse than that I worry all the time about future finances- pensions and helping our DC through their education. I am trying to take things months at time rather than years and try and remember that financially we are quite fortunate at the moment.

I absolutely second @charityhallet re shifting your budget thinking to a jam jar/envelope system, which allocates money to a purpose. I use YNAB (an app/piece of software) that holds your hand through the process, and I feel
A LOT calmer about money since using it. If you are putting money by in a pot labelled "car tax" then there is no anxiety to spending it on the car tax. Equally, you can have a pot just labelled "savings" which is just spare money (this will be much lower once you are putting specific money by in all the other labelled pots!) which really is untouchable except for really dire emergencies. And you won't need to touch it as you have will money put by for all the more ordinary stuff which you can predict.