How to build a Fuck Off Fund?

[Sumosally]

I've been advised by a few older and wiser women to build my own secret fuck off fund (words used by a well-respected friend).
Anyway, I don't want to go into details as to why and although I'm always about honesty and clarity in any relationship it has become apparent through counselling that my partner has me trapped financially and emotionally. Also, that he has been dishonest with finances and his earnings. For me to continue striving for honesty and openness, it makes me vulerable as he does not.
We have children and are not married. Another side of an agreement that DH has not kept to. I fell pregnant on the pill with DCs (twins) so it didn't give us many choices with regards to marriage first.
He agreed that he wanted to marry when the twins were 1 year old and we were passed the first difficult year. 6 years later... still not married.
I have seen a solicitor and I know my vulnerabilities. I have been making plans, but first, I need a fund of my own.

Where to begin?

We don't have a lot of spare cash and o my just enough for a modest 1 week holiday each year. My earnings vary each month so I can definitely manipulate things and make it look like I've earned less,but then there's the guilt that the money won't go towards a better holiday for my kids.

Any advice?

Presumably you have your own separate bank account? Make sure he doesn’t have access to either paper or digital statements and change all your important passwords if there’s any chance he might.

As for building up a fund - one useful thing is to get a tenner (or more) cashback each time you do the shopping and go pay it into your account.

Also, it sounds like you’re working already - make a plan for how to step up your earnings. Including once you’re on your own.

Some savings accounts do "round ups" they link to your debit and credit card and round up the spend to the nearest pound and transfer the pence to the savings, it's an invisible way of saving and easy as you don't need to do anything. However it will be slow to save a decent sum. I use Moneybox as a savings account although I don't use the round up feature, it's definitely a clever idea.

Don't feel guilty about the less-good holiday. If your partner is emotionally and financially manipulative, your DC will be better off in the long run if you can get away from him.

This is the voice of experience: my father subjected my mother to what we would now call emotional abuse and I used to wish he would just disappear from our lives, from the time I was about 12.

Please look at the Earn a £10 a day threads which can all be found in Money matters. Quite helpful with lots of stuff you can do from home. Some real good earners. Sorry I don't no how to do links.

I budget all the time as I’m saving in my running away fund. I’ve sold my jewellery to Hatton garden metals. Old clothes on Facebook mums groups. Sold toys to a local shop. I earn extra money by renting the parking space outside my house on JustPark. I also collect spare change obsessively. Every penny is step closer to getting out of here. Good luck

Set up savings accounts for your children, publicize them heavily with family members to encourage gifting for birthdays etc. You may not need to use it, I didn't, but by god it's comforting to know its there as a safety net.

Great.

Lots of good ideas here.
Perhaps making more time for myself ahen DH is around is key to making a bit more money too. I never seem to have the time to do any of the £10 a day ideas, perhaps I just need to make some.

I also round up coins like a pp, I’ve started to put 5p’s in a jam jar and bank those once it’s up to £5. Would that be an option? I also put any change into another pot.

Sign up to cash back sites. If you are paying for groceries etc then try to cut back a little and siphon off a few pounds from each shop. Go paperless with your bank account and if you have an app on your phone make sure he cannot access the phone.

Topcashback, can get £50 upwards for new broadband/tv/energy etc providers and you can switch every year or so.

Quickest way to sell used clothes on Ebay is a bundle, it doesn't have to be many things just three or so. E.g. Ladies Summer Tops size 14. Then you only have to do photos and write-ups once. Round up p&p to allow for the fees ebay take (haven't used shpock or depop but you could look into them as I think they are pick up only - I prefer post as poeple can mess you about with pick up!). Kid's shoes in good nick - clarks etc, go well. Decent brands sell - not Primark etc. Ebay recommend you to start at 99p but ime that's a risk - use the sold checkbox on the search tool and see what similar have sold for, then price around that.
I have been known to pick up things at car boots and resell! Charity shops prices nowdays don't make this worth while though x

Put a small amount a month into premium bonds. Not a bank account as such and paperless so easy to hide. Added bonus of a very small chance it could turn into something big!!

Are you eligible for Child Benefit? If so put that straight into a safe account for you and DC if you ever have to leave.

I agree about collecting loose change. You could also have a SO from your account for £10-25 a month - not a lot but adds up and won;t take a big bite out of yoru joint income.

Do you have a joint account? If so, can you get out cash for groceries - a set amount each week, that you have budgeted for, but actually buy at Asda, Lidl or Poundland and save the difference.

Sell stuff that hasn't been used in years, gathering dust in the attic, shed or garage, as well as toys and clothes the DC have grown out of.

You could also be wise to trends. Buy the latest Lego or Christmas Must-have toy and sell at a profit when Christmas comes and people are desperate.

Should you be building a fuck off fund, or just fucking off?

Seriously - how much do you think you’ll be able to save this way? Do you have a target - e.g. an amount needed for rent?

You’re working. Have you properly sat down and worked out what you happen if you told him to fuck off now? Benefit entitlement etc.

Agree with above. Use "entitled to" website to find out if you can claim benefits as a single mum. The biggest problem I had when I left the martial home ( he refused to leave) was finding a deposit for rent on flat. There are charities that can help with that... Also, check out whether you can claim these benefits whilst still living under same roof, my friend moved into spare room and tax credits started playing her as if she was single.

Don't stay where you're unhappy, it's not fair on any of you x

Every time you go to the supermarket get 10.00 cash back and save it. The cash back transaction wont show up on your statements.

I would sell things too.

Look at what benefits you can claim if you leave. It's helpful to have a couple of thousand but if things are bad you need to leave for the sake of the kids at least

Just jumping on this thread! I too had to start building myself a private fund. I downloaded the app called plum after seeing it advertised here and there. Was sceptical at first but the reviews looked good and it’s regulated by the FCA. It basically rounds up your transactions and takes a couple of pound here and there by looking at your usual spending habits. It all goes into savings which you can withdraw from at any time. The app sends you notifications every time it’s made a saving for you. I’m not on a high income so it was only a couple of pound each time and rounding up my transactions to the nearest £. Just got my monthly report yesterday and I’ve saved £57 this month that I would not have saved myself. My referral link is friends.withplum.com/r/etNPUU if you want to give it a go. X

Do you get paid for referrals, @kandgmummy?

You do For every 3 referrals but I haven’t had any yet. I joined via someone else’s referral and I think they received £5 every 3 referrals. But this app has genuinely helped me as I find it very hard to save if I see money in my account I will use it on days out with my kids or buying them little treats here and there when really I should be building some savings. Only when I was faced with having to leave a dv relationship did I seriously think about having some savings behind me to support myself. And this month I’ve managed £57. So just sharing incase it helps anyone else not for the referrals you can join via the normal route too. X

Use one of the AI things like Cleo - it works out when you might have a bit spare and squirrels the odd £5 here and there from your bank account into your Cleo wallet. It can build up without you even noticing

If you want to give it a go I can give you a referral code

Ah hadn't seen kandgmummy had posted about plum. Cleo and plum are very similar - just handy to have something working for you in the background to help build the pot a little without you even having to think about it

Yes also heard some good things about cleo too. I think they are very similar in principle. Just handy if you aren’t very good at putting money aside every month like me!

For those not familiar with the term: www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/

OP, don’t listen to @ELM8. I trust he/she meant well but premium bonds are a very dumb idea for the financially and statistically illiterate. You may as well “invest” in lottery tickets. Premium bonds don’t pay any interest, but entitle you to participate in a kind of lottery. If you don’t win at that lottery, then you don’t lose your money but get zero interest, which means inflation will slowly but surely eat away your savings.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/premium-bonds/

By contrast, just google for the best buy saving accounts, and you’ll see you can get easy access saving accounts paying ca. 1.4%