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Original poster

Asking for money as a gift?

24 replies

Whitetigar · 01/10/2019 21:04

Hi there, I’m about to have my first girl - due in 1 month.

I was wondering if when she’s born there’s a way that I can ask people for money rather than gifts, as I have most of what I need and don’t want her to end up with overpriced clothes she’ll grow out of in seconds!

Is it rude to ask people this?

I also wondered if as she gets older I can set up some kind of gifting account that people can contribute to for her future.

Does anyone else do this? Do you know of any good websites or apps that can help?

Thanks a million Smile

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2019 21:18

Incredibly rude! You can’t assume people will give you gifts and if they do you smile and say thank you. People usually include a gift receipt with baby clothes so you can exchange for the next size up.

You can open a bank account for her once she’s born and if people are kind enough to give her money you can deposit it for her.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/10/2019 21:23

I don't think I'd do this for a baby... part of the "joy" is welcoming a new baby and buying them something lovely.

Maybe just have an account and if people ask or do you give you money, put it in there?

I'm absolutely fine with people asking for cash for their wedding or birthdays but babies feel different.

Original poster
Whitetigar · 01/10/2019 21:43

Hmm, okay thanks both.. others feel the same?

What about apps that let you save for your kid and others can contribute? (Not just for babies) Anyone know of any of those?

I feel like it would be a cool idea?

OP posts:
Hey1256 · 01/10/2019 21:53

No it's rude. Never ask for money

BackforGood · 01/10/2019 22:06

I agree with others. No, you can't really ask for money.

You can for a wedding. People know you will want to buy bigger things than people would be able to buy you and are usually happy to contribute towards your fund
In my family, for Birthdays and Christmas, if people ask, they it is acceptable to say "She's looking to buy X and was hoping, if people don't mind they will give her some money towards it" , but that's once they get older. Mine all asked for money towards driving lessons for example rather than 'a top' or whatever.

However I agree with everyone else that people like to choose a little something for a new baby - so therefore most people don't buy too much before the baby arrives, knowing that people will get them things as gifts.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/10/2019 22:09

So grabby don’t do it!
Most people have common sense and buy clothes above new born- you can helpfully say what you have without asking for anything.
As for money going forward I think it’s down to the parents to save for their children- if someone sent me a link to their child’s saving account I’d be appalled/ talk about it on mn Wink

user1493494961 · 01/10/2019 22:11

No, it's not cool to ask for money.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/10/2019 22:22

ShockShock no you can't ask for that!

You could ask for no gifts if you think you'll be totally overrun but it is a bit of a shame and honestly you'll probably be fine

coffeeeandtv · 02/10/2019 07:20

White tiger I think it's fine to ask certain people for money instead of gifts but with an explanation, I have done this for my children with my family and close friends, I opened a bank account in their names and put in every penny their family kindly gave them, they now have over £9,000 in each which my son, when he turned 18 converted into one of those first time buyers ISAs, I have told them both the origin of this money and ensured everyone that their kind donations are greatly appreciated and will not be squandered on fripperies. Obviously both boys have received toys as presents eg at school parties which they greatly appreciated and enjoyed.
So my answer to your AIBU is, depends on who you ask, FWIW, I totally agree about expensive designer clothes for babies, but my best friend will only dress her kids in the very finest clothes, at parties they are not allowed to eat or play incase they damage them.

AlexaShutUp · 02/10/2019 07:24

Sorry, I think it's crass and grabby to ask for money. I guess you could request this from your own parents, but I wouldn't say it to anyone else.

italianfiat · 02/10/2019 07:34

I feel like it would be a cool idea?

Why on earth do you think it would be 'cool'?

MarthasGinYard · 02/10/2019 07:38

Eeeuuuu

Raphael34 · 02/10/2019 07:39

It’s not rude to tell people what you could really do with when the baby’s born (bigger clothes/steriliser/toys/something nice for the nursery etc). Extremely rude to ask for money. My oh best friends just had a baby. The first thing my oh did was ask him what he NEEDED for the baby rather than going out and buying anything.

AMAM8916 · 02/10/2019 08:11

People will likely ask what you need and you can tell them. But asking for money when a baby is born is very cringe

littleduckeggblue · 02/10/2019 08:15

No no no!
This is absolutly CF!

Pinkyyy · 02/10/2019 08:17

Absolutely not.

Hey1256 · 02/10/2019 09:19

You can for a wedding

I don't know where my people even think this is acceptable. I hate when people ask for money from me at a wedding and I still buy them a gift. I'll never give anyone money, wedding or any other occasion. It's always a tacky thing to do with no exception

OneThreadOnly0101 · 02/10/2019 09:26

Definitely unreasonable and rude. New baby = gift or nothing.

If you want to save for your child, then save for your child.

Countrylifeornot · 02/10/2019 09:37

It's your responsibility to save for your child, no one else's. It's not "cool" to set up a savings account and ask people to put money in there. Please don't do this, it's beyond crass and people will absolutely judge you.

BackforGood · 02/10/2019 22:30

You can for a wedding

I don't know where my people even think this is acceptable. I hate when people ask for money from me at a wedding and I still buy them a gift. I'll never give anyone money, wedding or any other occasion. It's always a tacky thing to do with no exception

Because many people these days have lived in their own homes away from parents, for some time when they get married. They no longer need toasters and saucepans and mugs and measuring jugs. OTOH, something like a 3 piece suite or a dining table might be something they'd like to start their life together, and, by putting together money gifts from lots of their family and friends, they can they get what they actually need, rather than ending up with a load of stuff they don't or need from people buying them gifts they don't want.

Sorry, OP, to derail from your question, I just really dislike this snooty attitude of looking down noses at other peoples choices that people have to a pretty sensible way of doing things at weddings in 2019.

WellButterMyArse · 04/10/2019 20:49

People do like to use the birth of a baby as an excuse to buy something, often without much thought as to what will be useful. And don't like yo be deprived of the opportunity. Set up an account for her asap, as some people will probably give you cash or ask for the account details. And, controversially on here but do it anyway, if you get given any nice expensive outfits that she'll never wear then leave the tags on, sell them and put the money in her account. Because unfortunately we can't be sensible enough to cut out the middle men.

polkadotpixie · 04/10/2019 21:16

When family asked what we wanted as a gift for baby arriving we said money for his bank account and everyone was totally fine with that. I wouldn't say it to friends or colleagues though, I just gratefully accepted their gifts and thanked them

Anything that I didn't like or had no use for I just took back and exchanged. They never knew so no harm done

Crazycrazylady · 06/10/2019 13:42

Please don't do this. It's so vulgar

Afternoonteadelight · 08/10/2019 21:09

New baby = gift or nothing.
Have to agree with this.
I was aghast when I asked one of my friends if she had everything organised for her baby. This was just a general conversation about being organised I wasn’t asking what to buy and I was told gift vouchers.

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