DH has no intention of paying in to a pension

[whattodoiwonder]

Looking for some advice on pensions please? Find the whole subject hugely confusing tbh.

(I'm not great at explaining myself so please bear with me )

My DH is self employed and does not pay in to a private pension.

I have always paid in to a pension and will continue to do so until retirement.

I'm obviously not hoping for the worst to happen, however if he was to die what would happen in terms of financial help? I know if I were to pass away then my pension funds would go to him, but what about vice versa?

He is a stubborn git and "doesn't see the point in paying in to a pension when he'll get the state pension. Live for now blah blah".

(Disclaimer; we have a lot of issues within our marriage and this is just one of them).

I'm sure that legally he is entitled to half if we were to divorce. If together I don't "need" to give him half. I can do whatever I choose...save it, share it, invest it etc. But if we divorce then half is his just like all other assets etc.

I do love him. He drives me mad sometimes with his stubbornness but he is a good person underneath it all. We just have different priorities financially and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that he's not thinking about his / our future. And I'll potentially be funding his retirement after working my arse off all my adult life, making financial sacrifices and going without at times. Wouldn't it great if X% didn't get taken off your wage to go towards old age, and someone else would fund it for you? I wouldn't see him struggle though. I'd not leave him behind while I go away on my granny holidays would just be nice to know he was thinking about OUR future too.

Hi there.....as the saying goes you can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink! I can't tell you what I do as we had an agreement when we got married, plus I have to wait till hubby retired some 3 years after me before I can draw my state pension if I get to see that! I have a very small private pension some of which I have had to use as had an operation and draw down as I am over 55! We have to make a joint application for universal credit to see if I would be entitled to anything or help which I feel makes me a slave to hubby's income! Plus as he has a pension from previous employer I doubt we get a thing! But that means I have to ask for money for everything from dental visits, opticians, prescriptions and anything else ok may need which burdens him. We have never had a joint account other than our mortgage....I digress only that times are difficult and I doubt I will be able to return to full time work due to poor health. However I do know that his private pension will come to me should anything happen and I will possibly "manage" as the mortgage would be paid I only have utility bills and food to pay for along with council tax ....had you thought how you would manage/cope? If he won't sort a pension at least ensure he has covered his funeral expenses with a plan, it may not cover everything but essentially the bulk of the expense. My nan was left heartbroken at the death of my grandpa who she not only lost but found out there was no money to bury the bugger! He always said he had money in the bank saved up! You could mention you buy him a new shovel so he can dig he own grave ....but he may not have a sense of humour? The other thing could be to ensure there is some life insurance for both of you without breaking the bank and guaranteed pay out of a lump sum should anything happen. We have one to cover the mortgage and private ones each to cover each other in the event of any kind of accident or death. It's hard to talk about, no one wants to face it but one thing in life we can all be sure about is taxes and death! May be he can be persuaded to pay into insurance? As I don't know your age I can't advise but many over 50 plans are quite inexpensive and you know the amount you will receive. It's worth noting that at 80 years some insurance is null and void so check if it covers eventual life and not the insurers date as you won't get a penny after that time! Good luck

That should say retires after me....he isn't retired now !! it's too early 4.30 am!

I'm assuming that you have made a will? As you have children and he doesn't, I'd be making damn sure that my will was heavily in favour of my children.
Why he's paying into his father's pension pot I don't know, that's just ridiculous! Especially as he doesn't have his own pension.
When your inheritance comes through, make sure it goes into an account in your name only, that way he can't get his hands on it and it can be stipulated in your will that it goes to your children. Your pension could also go to them, you don't have to nominate him.
My set up is a bit similar to yours except my DH has always earned much less than me. He has no private pension. When we first got together we have very little spare money, I had a lot of debt from my first marriage and my settlement went in a deposit for a house bought jointly. I had a young child and we have a DD together, both now adults. We have treated all our income as joint, with joint bank accounts and savings accounts. Ive very recently retired but still work part time which means that my income is significantly more than before I accessed my pension, but as I intend to stop work completely soon that won't always be the case. I see my income and pension as a joint asset. We both agreed that I would pay as much as possible into my pension as it was a final salary scheme so has paid out very well. I don't resent it at all, but I might feel differently if he was giving his dm money for her pension!
A couple of years ago DH got a small unexpected inheritance and we spent that money on our house, in preparation for retirement with a reduced income. We know exactly how much income we will have to live on until he retires in 12 years. Once I get my state pension in a few years, my income will be similar to what it was when I was working full time, but I think my outgoings will be lower.
As we have always treated our income as joint, we don't think of it as yours and my retirement pensions, just 'our pension'.

So his plan is to live for the moment now, and then live off you later?

And he uses you as an interest free payday loan company?

Sounds pretty selfish.

Incompatibility on financial issues is a major dealbreaker in a marriage.

The big issue here is the ‘Dad’ pension. Has it occurred to him that if his mum dies first his father could spend that money on living it up with a new partner? Things change and it can’t be ruled out.

If he won’t stop, I would suggest to him that he reduces that by half and puts the other half into his own pension.

Having the same approach to financial matters is just so important in a relationship but sadly it's something that is rarely properly discussed until it is 'too late'.

I find it very odd that he is prepared to pay into his father's pension pot and not his own.

I suggest you change your pension nomination form so that if anything happens to you, your children are named as the beneficiary, not your DH.

You can't make him pay into a pension, but you can protect your own, and your children's future. Make sure you get your name on the mortgage immediately, and have a serious think about your future with your DH.

I have a very small pension pot as I haven't worked enough, however my DH has a massive pension pot. We have always agreed this is a shared pot as I have done the home/children grafting to allow him to work long hours for a high wage. This works for us but I can see it isn't working for you OP. If he is earning a wage he relay ought to be putting something away for retirement.

I’m worried about pensions too. I have a very small one and my partner doesn’t have one at all. He’s ‘live for now’ sort of person. I will be receiving half of my ex’s pension, but I don’t know when. I’m not quite 60 yet, my ex was retired when we split.

Can your inheritance be put into a trust for the children or is it already too late?

Thanks for all the replies...a lot to think about here.

I'll definitely reconsider my pension nomination.

My ex was unbelievably financially abusive towards me so I'd made a point of never having joint finances again. I'm happy to share just one bank account with DH and that's the bill account. Every else left from my wage is mine to decide how it's spent, which is mostly on the family.

But yes the parent pension pot is a bizarre set up that I've never heard of before DH has many siblings. MIL spent 20 years bringing babies in to the world and many more raising them. While FIL worked in a trade on a very modest wage. So never paid in to a pension. He will get he state pension. Does anyone know if MIL would get the state pension? She may have worked in retail type jobs until early 20s but nothing since.

If she claimed child benefit she should get a state pension when the time comes. It is easy to check online.

I think his parents' situation is not nearly as bad as he thinks, but his own situation is potentially a lot worse than he thinks!

OP - have you got a life insurance policy for you / your husband?

You can take out a policy on your DH or ideally a joint one.. that way you're both financially protected if something happens either of you.

Would he consider becoming a landlord? Imho more hassle than a pension but he could get a buy to let and rent it out then when he retires he can either sell it or use the income to supplement any state pension. Pensions do for some reason seem like theoretical money so he may find saving for a flat more concrete, if you remortgage so you are on the house mortgage he might be able to borrow more. Or do it as a joint venture but in your mind offset it against his pension.

Could you get him to do one of those pension calculators so he can see how little State pension is?

If he refuses to do a pension what about an stocks and shares ISA or LISA? Or overpaying the mortgage?

Can you both take out life insurance? We pay about £20 a month for £100,000 if either of us die before retirement age.

I'm looking into insurance in case I'm ill and can't work, this is looking like £50 a month.

At least that gets you to retirement age.

I don't think you're actually allowed to pay into someone else's pension, are you?

Also, inheritances are not marital assets so as long as you don't muddle it up with joint finances he wouldn't get it on divorce. And you can do what you want with it now or in your will.

Is your dh able to give you any savings at all? My dh revolts when I mention pensions. He lives for the now. So I lied. I upped our monthly household budget by an extra £500. I lied and said we needed more money to live on so hubby pays me an extra £500 for day to day bills etc. Instead I use the £500 and overpay our mortgage. I don't bother put it into my pension as I am a top rate tax payer. I earn too much to get tax relief in pensions. Can you do something similar? It's sneaky but I don't feel bad about it and it's not like he's pissing money up the wall which he would anyway.

I know someone like this now 60 and works all the time, but has had periods of poor health. My husband discussed his lack of pension with him once and he was not bothered. They have a paid for house to live in but life with only an government pension is not brilliant, you still have to pay electric, council tax etc. What are you going to do about rent if you don't own you house by retirement?

I don't bother put it into my pension as I am a top rate tax payer. I earn too much to get tax relief in pensions.

I think you may have misunderstood how that works. I put £200k into this calculator and putting in £15k pa saves you £6,750 in tax so £15k only 'costs' you £8,250.

You don't get the personal allowance if you earn £124k+. And contributions are capped at £10k, but you do still get some tax relief.

www.which.co.uk/money/pensions-and-retirement/pensions-retirement-calculators/pension-tax-relief-calculator-angp51p666u6#

Anyway, these are quite unusual circs.

I am a reasonably high earner so I contribute as much as I can to keep my earnings under the 40% tax band. I can use up to three previous year's allowances too as I wasn't in this position three years ago.
Plus, whatever you put in, up to the lifetime allowance (which I will never hit!) you get to take 25% out tax free when you want to draw it - so another tax savings.

Thanks for the clarification. I believe I do put in the £15k but my HR returns my monies above a certain amount or stops my personal contribution in due to being on the highest rate tax. Basically I have letting incomes, various shares and crypto which I play with as well as my sales commissions which collectively puts me at right a the top. Can't do previous 3 years unfortunately.

If my collective income was £250k annually, could I put £150k into my pension and get below the 40% tax threshold?? Sorry don't mean to derail the thread. I'll start my own in the money section......

Crypto gains won't affect pension - that's counted as capital gains, not income isn't it?

I think rental income counts towards the 'personal allowance' aspect though.

You can't put £150k in your pension (tax free), the annual limit is £40k, if you earn over £124k that reduces to £10k, which is why your payroll depart is managing your contributions and returning over payments (they need to be aware of your other income if you are fluttering around the edges, over the £100k mark though your tax affairs are for you to manage, not your employer).

Not sure what you mean about not being able to use previous year's allowances unless you used them all in the relevant years.

If you earn that much, just pay off the mortgage quickly.

If your DH doesn't earn as much he should totally be taking advantage of the tax relief on pensions, it's idiotic not to really, if you are a higher rate tax payer.

I also have my own company within which I 'earn' about £6kpa, and that goes directly as an employer contribution into my SIPP.

Look him in the eye and tell him if he wants to retire on zero, fine. You won't be funding his golden years.
Insist on an insurance policy and a funeral payment plan, non negotiable.
I earn less than £10,000 and took out a 5 year funeral payment plan for me, after my parents died. The costs for their funerals seemed never ending and breathtaking. I vowed I would not dump that stress onto my children at the worst time of their lives.
Be firm OP, very firm.

Thanks Gogh very helpful. I know what you mean by dh and his pension but seriously I believe some people like mine and OP's dh has a head in the sand type of mental handicap. mine won't sign any papers to open a pension account and he refuses to talk about it. Yet he'd happily give me his money here and now to invest in for him but mention the word pension he will do a runner. It's all to do with fear I think and insecurity.

Does he at least pay Class 3 NI (I think that's what it's called) to get a state pension?

I agree he should have one - as a pp said, it's free money from the Government!