How much more expensive do they get....?

[DustMyselfOff]

So I've been the living embodiment of a Mumsnet make-do-and-mend approach to parenting. Everywhere I could save a penny bringing up the kids I've done it. From cloth nappies, ebf and bundles of clothes off facebook to clothes swaps with friends, ebay or facebook for buying (and then selling) bikes, scooters, beds, clothes...

But I'm aware that things are going to change. The amount of second hand clothes is dwindling as my son gets older and kids stay in their clothes for longer before outgrowing them. Soon technology, social life and travel is going to be involved, not to mention pickiness about branded clothing, toiletries etc but how can you keep costs down with older children/teens and how much more expensive are they really?

They aren't.
The most expensive time is when you are either paying childcare or missing one salary to stay and look after them yourself.

Teens can cost a fortune if you choose to spend that money on them, but - just like you have done so far - you can choose to be more prudent if you prefer to be.

Well I'm about to have to do both the things you mentioned, sadly. DH has transformed into STBX.

How old are dc?

Ime, if you've brought them up with an appreciation for people and not things, even as teens and peer pressure hits, they can maintain a sense of balance.

Hopefully stbxh won't be the type to bribe his kids with material possessions, but if he does it would save you money...

Bargains can still be had if you shop around. We buy a lot of clothes for dd1 off eBay and Facebook, topping the dc's wardrobes up with plainer stuff from supermarkets, like leggings and jeans. Second hand but good quality and the kids really won't know unless you tell them. Especially if you wash everything before they wear it.

People have always said to me that they get more expensive, but I am not sure how they can.

At one point my childcare bill for two kids was £1500 per month. Even with school trips, clothes, extra food, electronic gadget, phones etc, I can imagine a teenager costing more than £750 per month?

Having said that, if you raise young kids without a childcare cost, then young kids can be very cheap and I'm sure teenagers will be a shock!

And Dd has a kind heart and is so oblivious at the moment to branded stuff. I'm sure it will change but I'd like to think if she's made it to secondary school without worrying about it, she will survive these years without too much of a battle.

They're both at primary school now, no secondary school for a few years yet. But yes, haven;t had childcare costs to worry about so suspect upcoming years will be a frightening eye opener in that sense.

I think they do get a lot more expensive. I say this as a quite skint single mum. I have a 10 year old and 13 year old. The 13 year old has become a lot more expensive in the last year or so - its lots of little things:
-endlessly eating. And trying to have a balance of snacks that are not too awful
-cant really buy 2nd hand any more. Is harder to get stuff that is not really worn but also just general fussiness about what she will wear
-more hanging out with friends. So bit of money to go to costa/subway if meeting friends in town or for snack after swimming etc
-school constantly needing money for trips, lockers, to fund DT, sports leaders tops, leavers jumpers
-club fees and buying kit for hobbies
-mobile phone contract.
-hair and beauty! controversial I know. Dd has very naturally bushy eyebrows with a monobrow and started being teased for it a bit. So she now gets them threaded every month.
-doing stuff. They are no longer happy to go to the free craft activity at the library for example!
My saviour has been giving the kids their age in pocket money each month. This does build up and I make them use this if they want to for example buy a branded jumper rather than a plain one. I contribute the price of a plainer one and they top up.

I’m finding age 12/13 to be the most expensive. My DS has gone through 4 shoe sizes in as many months (ok maybe 6 mo the). I made him wear my trainers, then his father’s, but he’s needed his own even bigger ones now, plus rugby boots, school shoes etc. Suddenly his clothes and shoes are adult sized (so VAT added). No interest in fashion, so I tend to get them from Zara/H&M. But I feel I’m currently replacing his clothes as often as I did when he was tiny - except suddenly there’s all this compulsory uniform stuff. On third waterproof coat this year...
Even stuff like a bike that was fine 12 months ago suddenly looks like a clown bike, and it’s 6 months till his next birthday.
It’s come as a shock!

My teen is becoming expensive.
2 school trips at 675 and 625.. For Oct 2020 and April 2021 so plenty of notice but still a squeeze.
He's in adult footwear and goes through shoes fast. And trainers and football boots.
Clothing.. Tbh hes appreciative of anything but does wear his sports brands more so find the non branded just sits unworn so come to Conclusion that may as well. Spend that extra couple of quid that'll get worn..
Although this sounds like he has everything on a plate etc.. He helps a lot. He saves lots of his pocket money. For example he's saving 2 quid a week. Towards trip spends.. So by then hell have a bit.
He saves for his own console games and extras he wants.
And apart from the odd pound or 2 he never ever asks for anything.. Even if he needs it like stationery.. I do t know why he doesn't but I keep track of it now so I know he's got what he needs

If you've not had to pay full time childcare I'm assuming you were a sahm? so you now have the opportunity to work and possibly only pay for wraparound/holiday care? That's a lot less than either losing a whole salary or paying ~1k a month in fulltime nursery, or am I missing something?

My dh is now a stbx so I'm losing his salary. Even with maintenance etc the amount i can earn will be significantly less. Esp after years out of the workforce.

They are expensive but if you're lucky then they'll be old enough to get a part-time job by the time that they become brand-conscious. Mine have been happy with high street like Primark as long as the items are in style eg ripped jeans

Right. Sorry to hear you are in this situation, but that isn't the dc getting more expensive though, that is your income getting less.

When mine were young the most expensive things were buying 3 lots of school shoes and 3 lots of trainers all at the same time. Mine weren't brand conscious until late teens so I was lucky there.
Also with small children you can get Christmas presents on 3 for 2 you deals etc.
Now they are older the major expense was in subsidising university. Christmas presents are more expensive ( they want phones and playstation games ). Clothes are more expensive because they want branded stuff.
My youngest is 11 (first girl). She is cheap to clothe because she loves Primark but all her friends had £££ phones by the end of primary school, so she has one too. She is more sociable than her brother's so wants money to go out with friends, when her brother's would play football in the park for free.
Activities are pricey too - if they play an instrument or go to sports clubs.
In all honesty I find the teen years to be more spendy.

I'm asking if they're likely to get more expensive as my previous plan to deal with that was to become a dual income household...

I think you're asking an impossible question really. You have the money that you have, so you just have to manage on that. It will mean your kids maybe miss out on some school trips or don't have the latest trainers or iPhone, but that can't be helped.

I agree that when they are young and you have to pay for childcare is the most expensive time, but things like university can be very expensive depending on what they want to do.

From about 9 onwards I gave my kids a clothing allowance of about 40€ a month. This was about 1/3 of what I was then spending. We have no school uniform here and the kids ride, swim, gymnastics etc.

They have to buy all their clothes, shoes and sports stuff. Or ask for it for birthdays and Christmas. They do keep their Birthday and Christmas money too.

The money all goes on a bank account and they have a debit card. They tend to shop 2x a year. The eldest used to buy bundles of clothes from our national buying/selling site from the same girl each time.

Now at 13 and 14, 2 of them have pretty much stopped growing.

They keep a record of their spending and I keep their cards in my wallet. It's worked pretty well.

The amount of second hand clothes is dwindling as my son gets older and kids stay in their clothes for longer before outgrowing them.
God this! We used to get clothes from ds who's kids were a little bit older and now they wear them out as do ours so there's very little to pass along to the youngest.

Certainly ours have never got cheaper. That has been balanced against higher income and an ability to progress careers. At the moment our highest child related costs are a wedding and another talking of wedding, visits to our deployed son for us and his girlfriend, university costs, whole family holidays and support with buying houses and furniture.
Much of that is optional and our choice but that’s true of many children related costs. Nobody needs artisan sourdough loaves and sliced value range fills bellies just as well. Nobody needs two weeks in the med or in a caravan in Rhyl; holidays are nice but they are a luxury. Nobody needs fashion. Nobody needs makeup or paid out of school activities- you can teach your own children to swim by taking them swimming and it’s a whole lot cheaper than lessons.
How much you choose to earn and spend on your children is entirely up to you. A few luxuries are just that - nice but not essential.