What's fairer, same spends or proportional input?

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

I'm in my bills spreadsheet and I flipping hate it.

DH earns 3.5 what I do. A year ago is was roughly equal but I've taken a massive pay cut for less stress, more time to parent etc.

Is it fairer for us to pay bills proportional to our earnings or to have the same amount of spending money?
I actually thought they were the same but my figures tell me different!

And if someone could calculate it for me aswell that would be great 😁

What would be fair is to pool your money, I'm assuming they are his kids?

Same spending money but it’s a lot easier to just get a joint bank?

I would say the same amount of spending money, and that’s what works for us. Income goes into the joint account from which all bills are paid plus savings pots for holiday, cars, house maintenance etc and then we have the same amount each transferred onto our own personal accounts.

DH works nearly 70hrs a week on average, I work approx 28 but my hourly rate is nearly twice his (Which to some extent is irrelevant)

I therefore do all the shopping, cooking,cleaning and most of the parenting ie running to clubs etc which allows him to put the hours in at work.

We’re a team and our overall contributions are equal if not monetary.

Total joint banking won't work for us.
I'm a spender and he's definitely not.

It would end in disaster, if it's there I'll find something to spend it on.

But thanks for answering a question I didn't ask.

We do same spends. Income into own account, standing order out into various joint accounts for everything family. Equal spending money remains in our own accounts.

Can't do calculations, but I would say same proportion of bills. Transfer it from your single accounts to a joint account all the bills come out of and keep the rest in your own accounts. I think joint accounts are great but don't understand the insistence you often see here that you must only have a joint account and put everything into that.

I would suggest as you’re a spender it might be better for you to save most of your income (somewhere you cannot easily access it) and for your DP to take on the expenditure fully. Proportional input is only fair if, when emergencies happen, both parties are able to contribute either equally / proportionally - from what you said you might otherwise just end up spending your surplus.

Same spends. You both work hard, out of and in the home. Given the income difference, proportional bill paying would leave you with less for you. Why should that be if your income cut was a family decision?
PS You guesses - we do this 😆

Same spends.

Could you put all money into one account for bills, then transfer the spends into your own accounts?

I'm guessing DH couldn't be earning his much larger salary without you picking up the slack at home? Why should you be penalised for that?

Tricky
in my household we have two spenders and two tightwads
but the overall goal has to be to avoid resentment and achieve a feeling of fairness even if the numbers do not add up
every couple is different
and remember that when doing things you both want to do
it comes out of the kitty

I earn 0 these days and DH earns a lot.

The main account is a shared one. However, the money gets used for bills, groceries etc If there’s a bigger purchase, eg a piece of furniture or holiday we agree it together before buying.

Individual spending money is in own accounts to blow on whatever we like. At the moment it’s equal but I used to have more (on the grounds of needing more for hair and beauty treatments, clothes etc). However, I somehow felt bad about spending more on non-essentials so we made it equal.

Wouldn’t that work even if you’re a spender?

Pool your money, have equal spends and save the rest. Discuss any big purchases in advance.

I’d say equal contribution. You went part time for less stress so with that comes less income. Not fair he should have to work more hours and pay more because you won’t.

Was it a joint agreement for you to reduce hours?

It was a joint agreement but I massively regret it.
We moved house when I was on mat leave and the combination of unreliable trains, childcare not being open long enough and getting zero contribution to running the house meant at the time it was better for me to leave. In hindsight I should have just got a cleaner and put my foot down about chores.

Firstly, why are they your bills?
The fairest way is to pool all money. Never disagreed about money in a 30 year marriage, because what's his is mine and what's mine is mine .
No, seriously, married and money is joint, ask a solicitor what would happen if you divorced?

Icecreamandcandyfloss he would work every hour God sends if he could.
But he can only do this because I'm here doing everything else.
The stress was brought on by trying to be out of the house for 11 hours working and doing everything else.

Where exactly did I say they were my bills?

We do proportionate, but we earn a similar (but not identical) amount and there’s no kids. We are both financially independent except for the joint household costs.

In your situation I would think equal spare money was appropriate. What pot does kids clothes, activities etc come out of?

I think equal spends are fair. But he needs to understand why you cut down your hours I.e. because he wasn't picking up 50% of the slack at home.

Same spends.

Proportional input only makes sense until kids and the sacrifices they bring come along.

No need to be quite so snarky in your replies, is there...

You said ‘in my bills spreadsheet’ - I understood it to be your spreadsheet of the bills but it could quite easily be seen to be a spreadsheet of your bills.

Fairest is bills and all household expenditures to be paid into proportionally (this can go into a joint account for bills and spends), then an agreed proportion of what’s left allocated to savings, then what left is divided into equal personal spending money for each party.

Do you know what are family/household costs vs personal costs? How do you currently split all that? Hard to say, otherwise.

I think proportional is fairer