ARE WE BEING MUGS OR WHAT??

[Bigwobble2413]

Hi , i would like some advise .. my son met his fiancee whilst living at home and going to uni however what started as a couple of nights due to issues at her place ( uni accom) lead to 8 months of her living with us with no help for food or bills from her or her parents who it took 4 months to initially contact us back re her staying at ours( son gave us something pwk for him) she has then continued to live with us paying the same as him during the rest of uni time of over three yrs yet her parents have avoided every opportunity to not help either her or us financially ( £50 does not cover everything and we have often ended up giving back the money to both her and son to help them (whilst i dont object to this i do object having to fund someone else's young adult through uni who's parents are oblivious to the costs and when i have my own to fund) Every time we have broached the subject of money they have used everything under the sun to changed the issue and even insulted my hubby by waving an empty wallet in his face at one point stating they were broke. Well so are we now due to the issue as we have eaten into our savings and would like to see some help from them especially as now son has a job and is helping us out with rent etc yet fiancee 22 is doing part time course and nothing else and is going to struggle to pay towards anything here .. we are so fed up with her parents and dont actually blame the girl but how do i knock some reality into them as under uni rules they get a discount in their tax etc for her ( they run their own farm business and mum works full time separably hence they have money coming in) and are legally responsible to help her as she cannot claim as being estranged and get full fees etc ... note: hubby is ex forces and retired due to injury so living on limited money whilst i have long term health issues and am on chemo hence this is making us ill .- we have even paid for holidays both here and abroad in the last 3 yrs with no help from them .. oh no forgot they gave us £50 three yrs ago 8 months after she moved in .. feel sorry for her as they are so into themselves i do all i can to help her but am worrying how we will cope in future as we have eaten our savings out...

You have a front door? Show her it.

What was she living on before she moved in with you.

I think it's clear her parents aren't going to pay for her.
Are they unhappy with her relationship with your son? Do they think she should have stayed in university accommodation?

I'm not sure why you've taken it upon yourselves to support her though. You can't afford to so why didn't you just say after the first month or whatever that she had to go back to wherever she was living before.

What happened with her uni accommodation? Were the parents supposed to continue funding that?

The girl needs to either get part time work or live elsewhere.

They’ve (including your sons girlfriend) taken you for a mug. Show her the door and if your son is not happy with this, he either pays more to cover the added expense of having her live with you or they both move out.

Oh I see you have started another thread on this already

Please explain further

You are struggling for money, but you paid for all 4 of you to go on more than one holiday ? together ?

She doesn't work ?

It's not her parents who are responsible for paying. It's your sons girlfriend and your son who need to pay their way.

You need to decide what is an appropriate amount to cover the costs and tell them that they have to pay it.

They then need to get jobs that allow them to pay that amount, or move out.

What are their plans when they graduate ?

Do they hope to continue to stay living with you ?

How much does a room in a shared house cost in your area, with or without bills, food ?

Honestly, you should of set ground rules at the beginning, there’s no way I would be paying out for someone else who’s not family and putting myself in debt. Why have you left it over 8 months? They will now just think you’re being unreasonable as it has been like this for such a long time.

Why on earth would you do this if you can't afford it? She's not your responsibility and now she could work but isn't and for some reason you're blaming her parents?? I blame them for bringing their dd up to be a sponger

You may be better asking this to be swapped over to Relationships. You will get some good advice

How about you give an ultimatum of unless x amount of rent is paid per week then you will no longer be able to live here.

So they have graduated and she is doing another part time course? Is she doing a masters? Is she still getting funding? Why isn’t she working part time?

This is ridiculous. She is 22 and needs to move out.

All of these choices were yours.
Who pays for an adult child’s holiday, if they can’t afford it - but at the same time us resentful of no rent?

Forget about her parents.
Give money willingly, or don’t give it.