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Overspending secrecy - what would you do?

10 replies

NoNameCosOfShame · 01/08/2007 14:19

Right, had to name change for this as feel so ashamed.

I have always been bad with money. My finances have very often been on a cycle of getting into debt then paying it off then getting back into debt. Ihave never saved and always lived beyond my means until I got a job that paid well enough for me to spend what I liked and not get into trouble.

However, I went part time a couple of years ago and then left to be a SAHM, but my spending habits didn't adjust to my decreased income. I ended up running up debts on credit cards which amounted to more or less my salary cut, about 20 grand or more.

Some of this I managed to pay off myself and some of it was generously paid off for me by DP, who had recently come into some money. It was really good of him and I felt bad about it.

However, some of it I had already secretly consolidated into a loan with a monthly DD repayment and I was too ashamed to tell DP about this, telling myself I could manage the payment each month from the small income I now have. In effect I told him I owed about half what I really did.

I cut up all my credit cards and closed the accounts but kept one for emergencies. Now I have run up credit on that and so have the loan plus a maxed out credit card.

So the money I have coming in personally to my account is just Child Benefit, Maternity Allowance which will run out in October and £150 petty cash allowance from DP. Housekeeping and clothes etc come from our joint account.

Should I tell him I have messed up again? I feel I should but after last time I also think maybe I should just get used to having no dosh and pay the debts off bit by bit monthly to teach myself the lesson that I need to learn.

The other thing I was thinking of doing was giving it a year, making all the payments and keeping a really tight control on the budget and housekeeping etc and THEN telling him once I have proved my mettle a little bit.

By the way I didn't really spend it on my self but on stuff for the house and kids.

Please don't tell me I am a waster and a spendthrift, I am more than well aware that I have issues that I need to tackle and take more responsibility for, much of it is "spending to make myself feel better" which never works.

OP posts:
NAB3 · 01/08/2007 14:27

Cut op the emergency card. Tell your husband. Work out a plan. Good luck.

NAB3 · 01/08/2007 14:27

UP not op.

CarGirl · 01/08/2007 14:30

work out a repayment plan, cut up cards, perhaps not have an account just have cash then tell you dh and ask him to go through the plan with you and agree to be accountable to him each week/month????

Perhaps you need to work out a joint plan on how you handle money and perhaps cash only for you is the way to go?

EscapeFrom · 01/08/2007 14:31

What is your responsibility to buy? Which things do you have to pay for out of the mony you get?

fedupwasherwoman · 01/08/2007 14:32

Out of interest why did you keep one credit card for emergencies, wouldn't your dp have dealt with the emergencies such as boiler repairs, new washing machine etc. ?

Can you sell any stuff to reduce the amount outstanding ? Clothes/shoes/outgrown kids clothes & toys etc.

Don't think about it just the spare stuff, think about what you can sell on eBay to rais some money.

Please cut up the remaining credit card a.s.a.p.

NoNameCosOfShame · 01/08/2007 14:59

EscapeFrom - the money I have coming into my account is for me to do what I want with. The MA is not counted by DP and myself as it is not permanent, it has been used so far on household stuff but it is not factored in anywhere - if I wanted to spend it myself (or use it to pay stuff off) I could.

NAB3 and CarGirl - have already cut up card.

FedUp - Emergency card was more due to my "fear" of being stranded somewhere with no readies - ie on holiday or away from home etc. Daft really.

I do have stuff I could sell on Ebay and will do that.

I guess the main thing is whether I should tell DP (and risk his being disappointed and angry and let down) or continue to keep it quiet (which guilt feels bad) or resolve to tell him after a while once I hve got things firmly under control.

OP posts:
fedupwasherwoman · 01/08/2007 15:38

Will he notice you selling stuff on eBay ?

ChipButty · 01/08/2007 15:53

Please tell him. You can then work out what to do together. He will be disappointed - but I'm sure he'd feel much more disappointed if he felt you couldn't talk to him about it. Good luck. x

NoNameCosOfShame · 01/08/2007 16:53

Fedup - he won't notice. I mean, he didn't notice half the stuff coming into the house did he? He wouldn't care anyway, his policy is unless it bites him on the ass he is not bothered.

This why I don't want to tell him for a bit, he will take it much better if I tell him and explain that I have been dealing with it for a while and its all manageable now, if I tell him now he will think I am asking him to do something about it, which I am not.

OP posts:
fedupwasherwoman · 01/08/2007 16:55

Maybe you could get busy on ebay raise some funds to reduce the debt and then tell him, because I'm sure you won't be able to keep it a secret for long.

Have you cut up that credit card yet ?

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