My DH isn't paying into a pension, would this be a deal-breaker?

[slavetolife]

NC for this. When we got together in our early 20s it didn't matter so much. Now we're mid 30's , I've been paying into an NHS pension for the last few years now. DH still does the same self employed job, wages have never really changed much (he doesn't earn loads, enough to get by really) and he has never paid into a pension. I'm starting to worry about what we'll do when we're old!

If you divorce him he will have a pension then - part of yours.

The current state pension is about 8k a year, so that's 16k for a couple. How much more than that do you feel you would need to fund the kind of lifestyle you want in retirement as a couple? And how much is your NHS pension expected to be?
Personally I wouldn't divorce someone over this if the money is being spent on the family and normal living expenses - you said he just earns enough to get by so it's not like he's gambling or drinking it away.

As long as he has life insurance it wouldn't bother me so much. DH didn't have life insurance though and when he died, it was a relief to find he had four pensions, one of which will pay me a widow's pension for the rest of my life - as I'm only 40 it will hopefully be quite a while! The other pensions paid me off with lump sums. It has helped me to know we aren't destitute. Life insurance would have been good but the pension has been a lifesaver.

To me not having a pension is a dealbreaker as it shows irresponsibility with finances. I don't buy that no one can afford a pension. I don't even think about the money going into the pension any more than I do Tax and NI, which we have no choice about. The money left over after deductions is what we budget with.

It is nice to be able to think like that one ring, but when you are self employed, it really is different. When I was employed I paid in every month, now I am self employed cash flow is so irregular i can not commit.

To have a deal breaker relationship based on ones preference to save into a pension is a tad harsh.

The current State Pension is not a flat £8000 for everyone. It is calculated depending on individuals circumstances. So relying on getting the max £16000 as a couple is dangerous. Even if that was the amount, it is taxed.
Everyone, should make provision for their retirement, it’s never too late to start, even with a small amount. Property value can go up and down, so relying on property value and downsizing could be risky.
Google how much pension pot an individual needs to get by on at 65, you could be surprised.

You've missed a fair few years of contributions too (like me, I started an NHS pension at 29, after 18 years of contributions so far it's worth about one sixth of my current salary, not great as I hope to retire early), should be ok if you are planning to work to 65+, and full time for as much as possible. Have you both got full national insurance years as the state pension will be important for you. YANBU he needs to sort it out.

To get a decent pension later in life, it seems to be that from age 20 you need to set about 25% of your salary aside

In the public sector the employer covers the vast vast bulk of that risk through taxpayer contributions to DB schemes

Anybody without access to a DB scheme is at the mercy of the markets
and is unlikely to ever save enough to match a public sector DB scheme.

NHS Staff need to realise how much the employer contribution to their pension is worth before judging those without access to such benefits.