End of my LTR has turned me into a compulsive spender - please help

[londonldn]

I've name changed as I'm really embarrassed about this. My LTR fell apart earlier this year, ironically because ex kept racking up debt in secret.

Since he's gone, my money habits have changed beyond all recognition. I've been using my credit card for the first time in years and keep impulsively spending on new things, clothes, Botox, concert tickets, right down to small things which are adding up such as buying lunch at work each day where I used to make a pack up. I'm digging myself into a massive hole but I just can't seem to get back on track and get the "old" me back! If there's a sale email in my inbox, I've opened it and bought something!

I'm too scared to check my bank account, I'm spending money which is needed for bills, and I haven't used YNAB in months.

Can anyone give me any advice to get back on the straight and narrow please?! Anyone else ever done this? I'm so ashamed of myself. Really want to pull this back before it's too late.

You need to find a different way to prove to yourself that you are worthwhile (which you are! And not just worth spending money on! You are lovable and cherishable in non-speedy ways too!). Have you had counselling?
On a very practical note- unsubscribe from all those sale emails!!!
Do a reset on YNAB and start from scratch.
And maybe start a savings fund, even a small private pension or something, to put money into instead of frittering it. "Yup, £5 lunch would be lovely, I'll buy it for my older self instead to really enjoy/have it in the south if France by putting it in my holiday fund"

Could you cut up the credit cards? Unsubscribe from the e mails & all temptation, write a list of all the things that would make you feel better & how & when you could afford them on your budget. Instead of buying the lunches could you go for dinner 1 night a week with a friend & have that as your thing to look forward to. Maybe try some new things? You can get dance classes really cheap on groupon in my area. I think the basic thing is you are trying to make yourself feel better, that's totally normal so don't be so hard on yourself

Retail therapy is something a lot of people turn to after relationship woes. At least you are recognising that you have a problem. It’s kind of a quick fix thing which makes you feel happy when you’re spending, but then the aftermath when you look at your bank balance brings your mood back down. I guess you have to deal with like an addiction - distract yourself when the urge to spend hits. Reduce your credit card limit to make it impossible to use it. Go for a long walk if you’re feeling vulnerable to a spending spree, minus cash or cards of course.

You need to force yourself to look at exactly how much you are spending and how much money you have. It will only get worse and worse if you keep pretending it's not happening. No one is saying it's easy but you need to do it.
Good luck.

Fresh start in YNAB. Just start again. You’ll be OK!

Found myself doing it again tonight! It's like self sabotage, I don't know what's going on.

Make sure you don’t save passwords into your iPad, so it is harder to log into online accounts. Also, don’t save credit card details in.

@AuditAngel I think that's a big part of the problem but I don't know how to UNsave them from my iPhone.

Just change the passwords and don’t auto save the new one. Your iPhone will ask do you want to remember the new one

And here's how to get rid of the credit card details-
m.wikihow.com/Delete-Credit-Card-Info-from-Safari-on-an-iPhone