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Parting with things you struggled to buy when broke

10 replies

CompostableUsername · 23/06/2019 22:29

This is not a humblebrag.

When the economy dipped about 10 years ago, it hit us hard. We had just come off a fixed-rate mortgage, and our interest rate shot up. We were suddenly hugely in negatively equity. I lost my job (and was there for under two years so no redundancy), my husband's salary was cut by 20%, and all his bonuses (and many benefits) stopped. Over the course of three months, our income reduced by about 60%. It was tough going. We cut right back on everything, focused on paying the mortgage, I took a job for half of my previous salary, and we got on with it, like most people.

Fast-forward to now. Things are much, much better. I ended up in a very secure job a few years ago, and now have a high salary. DH was promoted so his salary increased. Property prices increased so we were able to access cheaper mortgage rates based on LTV (I’m not in the UK so not sure if it’s the same there). Our house suddenly increased a lot in value.

Generally, things are good. We learned lessons from what happened, and now save a lot, and invest more in to pensions just to give more of a buffer if things tank again.

While we were broke, we obviously didn’t have much money for home decor. We made do and mended, focused on DIY rather than using tradesmen etc. We did need various pieces of furniture over the years so went to Ikea, solely because it’s cheaper, rather than just picking what we wanted in terms of style etc. from other shops. It was a struggle to get the money together for the Ikea trips.

Now, we’re renovating. Our house is nice, but a bit shabby as we haven’t done much to it in about 15 years. We’re using savings to replace the kitchen and bathroom, do a lot of carpentry to give more storage, painting, and replacing furniture.

This is the but I’m struggling with. My lovely Ikea bookshelves that have served me so well for a decade are going, and are being replaced by bespoke units. My beloved couch (that was actually an expensive purchase but had to be kept for much longer than it was designed for) that sags despite being refilled twice is being ousted in favour of a plusher number that might actually be comfortable to sit on for more than 5 minutes.

I’ve donated as much as I can to a local charity that provides services and furniture to domestic violence victims who are being rehoused. My Ikea bookshelves are in great condition, and will hopefully give a family some storage space as they set up their new homes. They’re also taking the coffee table, an armchair, and a console table. All bought for very little, but in great condition.

The couch is beyond reuse. It’s fit only for the skip.

I’ve been packing and cleaning things up this weekend to have ready for the van or skip tomorrow and I’m having a little wobble. I struggled so hard to buy these things all those years ago, and now I’m replacing them with items that cost an awful lot more.

Our renovation isn’t excessive- we’re just doing what we need to stop the house looking shabby, and to give more storage space.

Earlier this year, I had to change my car. My 14 year old Toyota finally gave up the ghost. I replaced it with a fairly new secondhand car. I remember lying awake in bed at night over the years and panicking about a click or a rumble I’d heard coming from the engine and worrying that a trip to the garage would mean a huge bill we couldn’t afford.
I shed a little tear when the Toyota was loading on to the back of the recovery van for the last time Blush

I’m not looking for advice (there is none to give!), but just wondering if anyone else has moment likes this, or am I just overthinking and placing too much emotional attachment on material items?
I’m not a hugely material person, I think I just have such powerful memories of what these things represented, and how much stress we had to endure to have them.

OP posts:
Riley2013 · 24/06/2019 06:13

Hello I’m new to this but wanted some up to date answers.
Me and my child’s father use child maintenance service (CMS) for him to send payments. We are currently on a direct pay arrangement as other arrangements have not worked in the past. He is due to pay a certain amount each month which is directed by CMS. This month however he has paid a very low amount as he believes because he has overpaid in previous months he has taken back what he is owed.
On previous months I have not questioned the payments as I believed he was doing so to clear his arrears I also did not contact CMS and tell them of these overpayments for that reason also. But now he is saying he has every right to pay the amount he did due to previous months of overpaying.
I have contacted CMS awaiting a response. But am I being in the wrong for asking him to pay the correct amount this month even though previous months he has over paid knowing he has arrears and I did not tell him to pay this amount and he took it upon himself to do so?

Please help? I’m confused and don’t want to be in the wrong. Thank you x

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 24/06/2019 06:20

@Riley2013 you’re going to need to start your own thread about that, you’ve responded to someone else’s post instead which means you won’t get the answers you’re looking for.

@CompostableUsername I think your reaction is entirely normal. These things symbolise a time when you had to put a lot of thought into each and every purchase. You don’t take your easier life for granted and you appreciate what you had and are disposing of things thoughtfully. I hope your good fortune continues, it sounds like you had a tough time of it.

Riley2013 · 24/06/2019 06:22

Oh thanks for replying how do I start a new chat? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 24/06/2019 06:26

Try this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/ninety_days_only?call=NewConversationPage

NiteWotcha · 24/06/2019 06:26

click on Start new thread in this topic - right below your post.

Riley2013 · 24/06/2019 06:27

Thank you I think I’ve done it now. Apologies x

Gymbabes · 24/06/2019 06:34

I think it's a normal reaction too. Not quite the same but I had my own house before I met DH. Worked really hard to be able to afford it and pay for it so felt very proud of myself. He moved in having had a huge disposable income for some time and so his gadgets shone over most things of mine! However some 8/9 years later and in a new house, my more practical stuff has stayed the course but certainly now due for renewal and I do get a pang of 'Oh but I got that for my first house'.

EleanorReally · 24/06/2019 06:38

I dont think you always need to get rid of the stuff you got that served you well. But that is just me. presuming your new book case is more aesthetically pleasing, or better made.

TipseyTorvey · 24/06/2019 12:50

I totally understand. I came from a very poor background and when I started to buy things they were very precious and hard won. They were, however, poor quality and so I've had to replace things over time. I struggled until I read Marie kondo where she outlines a ritual for speaking to the thing and thanking it for all its hard work and service and saying goodbye to it in a very formal way. Really helped me get rid of loads and loads of stuff. Now I gleefully remove anything in the house that is no longer sparking joy (mainly toys!) and the children are trained to say thank you and goodbye as well.

CompostableUsername · 24/06/2019 19:05

I dont think you always need to get rid of the stuff you got that served you well. But that is just me. presuming your new book case is more aesthetically pleasing, or better made

It’s more a case that we’re short on space so need to get bespoke units to maximise storage. The old Ikea stuff was great to fill a gap, but meant a lot of space was wasted.

Also hoping to move in the next few years, so would need to spruce most areas up then anyway. At least this way, I get the benefit of living with nice new things for a while!

Some stuff really has worn out (especially the couch) so fit for nothing but the skip, unfortunately.

Funnily enough, a few years after we moved in, the floors started getting scuffed. I assumed it was cheap laminate so just put down rugs and decided to live with it until I could afford to replace it. That time came, I got a tradesman in, and he happily informed me that the floors are solid maple and just needed to be sanded and varnished. If I’d known that 10 years ago, I’d have rented a sander and DIYed myself a fabulous floor!

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