Reasonable?

[Ella1980]

Long story short... I have two kids half of the time (the rest of the time they live with their dad) and a fiancé. We both work ft-I'm currently on around £900 pm and him on around £1400. No other income except Child Benefit for one boy.

We are renting a small 3-bed for £850 pm.

Every month fiancé pays some money into my account.

Out of my account comes nearly all of the food, all expenses for the boys, council tax and all bills inc rent. He pays for his own fuel, that's about it.

Last month he paid into my account £750. Personally I think this is not enough!

Ballpark figure, what would you say is reasonable?

I am sick of struggling 😢

Thank you all so much for your advice x

What would you say (ballpark figure)

@ella1980 that's not true of all subjects and all schools. Where are you (roughly) and what subject?

Yes some budgets are tight but with that kind of thinking you'll never get a job. Even if you went back to m1 you'd be over double your wage now.

God no, couldn't afford to live in London! But then someone else said my rent was expensive?

I'm primary unfortunately.

Sorry I didn't see that you have 50:50 with the kids. If you are struggling for money and only working 30 hours a week then maybe try and pick up a bar shift twice a week. If you did 2x 5hour shifts that would be an extra £300 a month? That might help the money situation

I'll look into it. Should have picked a partner on a better salary too lol!!

Your rent is very expensive! I live in a big 3 bedroomed house and my rent is just under £400 a month.

Wowsers! Where do you live?!! We're Northamptonshire.

@Littleduckeggblue

Blimey! What area do you live? My boyfriend rents a 2 bed flat for £700 a month!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't think 50/50 care necessarily absolved the higher earner of paying maintenance.

Neither did I, but apparently it does.

You need to earn more money op. What about some private tutoring?
I'd get a joint account for you and your partner

I'm in the North East

You could definitely tutor ks3 maths and offer SATs boosters to parents.

Have you seen any secondary transition Maths roles? Try applying for those. Lots of them want ks2 experience.

@Teachermaths Thank you so much for your advice but nearly all of my experience is KS1 and maths is by far my weakest subject! SATS are also done for another year now anyway...

So frustrating! x

Is there anything you can cross-train for? Are SN teachers in demand in your area? Ofsted inspector/LEA education department. Failing that, online English teaching? I doubt it pays well, but I know that with timezones you can work evenings and weekends. Until you find a well-paid full-time teaching role.

@TooTrueToBeGood Unfortunately it does. It's the main reason he wanted at least 50:50. He finds it funny. Just tonight I had an aggressive text at gone 10pm demanding I drop over to his jogging bottoms for my eldest as he has dance at school tomorrow. He also added that "Only poor people like me" have joggers for their children and referred to my fiancé as "Errand Boy".

Basically the courts allowed, and still allow, a vile abuser to abuse. Nothing I can do about it.

I have 2 kids that live with us full time. DP has 2 who are with us 50% of time so we count that as 1 full time.

So I pay 3/5 of bills etc he pays 2/5. No reason for him to pay for my kids. In your case you should be paying 2/3 to his 1/3 of bills.

We both have separate mortgages on the house (I bought half off him). I pay mine he pays his. For your rent I'd say if your kids have a bedroom or 2 then you should be paying proportionally more.

Holidays etc are a separate thing. I pay for them. He pays car and petrol, they're at school in the city where he works. This year he paid all the insurance for everything which was about 3k.

Can you increase your income with tutoring or anything. Your income just doesn't seem to cover your share of costs realistically.

Why are you only on £900 can you not work full time? You should split the rent in half, and bills etc. Food you pay 3/4 as you have kids.

Get a better job, I earn more than you and I'm an apprentice.

@BlackPrism I work as a Teaching Assistant. I'm a qualified teacher with 15 years experience (see previous threads). How would I collect children from school if I work til say 5.30pm on the weeks I have them?

i feel its really frustrating being told to 'just get a better job' like it is that simple. I get this said to me all the time.

What I would give to be able to improve myself and my earning potential once again.

I used to be a high earner. I now have a 4 year old and am an lone parent with no help from sons dad whatsoever. My family all live far away and the ones local all work. I have a mortgage, bills and all of the absent fathers debts to repay (unfortunately all in my name - legal advice was sought). Money is so extremely tight I dont see how I can do anything else than I currently do as I have too many commitments. Posters need to understand it isnt always as easy as getting a better paid job.

I've worked more hours, but now my child is in school I can only afford breakfast club so I have to work around his school hours. I also dont feel it is fair his days being as long as a work day. He is only 4, a school day is long enough.

In response to @Ella1980 I dont really feel your other half should be paying half/contributing to your kids. They aren't his responsibility, and your ex knows what he was doing when he went for 50/50 as it meant no maintenance would be due. However I do feel for you with your salary. Life can limit us sometimes.

I wish you luck

Regarding collecting children from school on the days you have them if you work full time, would that be 5.30pm if you were teaching? I suppose you've checked out childminders and after school clubs for those days? On the assumption that you'd be able to afford them as you'd be taking home at least double your current salary?
It doesn't appear that remaining a TA is viable for you long term. It will keep you trapped on a low wage and you don't have a high earning party to help support you and the DC. Single people with no DC would struggle to rent and pay all bills, food etc on £900 per month.

The better job advice from me is because op's outgoings are not covered by her income. I'm in a similar position, ex-teacher now in a TA type role but I take home a good £300+ a month more than op. I have no children and it's a struggle.
So the advice isn't meant flippantly but rather that this situation isn't viable. OP doesn't earn full time minimum wage so even that would be a start.

@DianaT1969 Unfortunately the school my little one attends doesn't offer any after-school provision as it's tiny. Couldn't move him school as ex would not agree to that.

I wouldn't necessarily expect him to pay for your kids. Obviously that's what works for some families, but I think expecting it and finding it unfair that he doesn't is unreasonable.

The amount he is paying is half the rent and probably covers his share of food/bills. Bearing in mind you wouldn't need to rent a three bed if it wasn't for your kids.