Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Need help calculating a fair split

22 replies

ncqtime · 25/05/2019 21:46

Hi all so I'd be really grateful for any help with this one...
Dp and I are considering a setup wherein he does not live with us but stays 6 nights per week.

He and I share a DC who lives with me 7 nights per week. I also have two DC from a previous relationship who are home 5 nights per week.

He stays a fair bit as is and we're pretty good at buying our fair share of food and household stuff, as well as stuff for our DC although out of choice I buy stuff which is more expensive than he'd ever consider.

My difficulty lies in calculating a fair split on the gas and electric, which are the only utilities that would be affected by his staying here.
Putting aside our DC, I have figured that in terms of nights spent at the property per week myself and my other children spend 17. He would spend 6. So that's 26%. So that's what I'd ask for. Does that seem right considering everything?

OP posts:
MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 26/05/2019 10:07

Hi OP

We're just bumping this one for you. Flowers

Babyroobs · 26/05/2019 10:47

If he stays with you 6 nights a week then he lives with you.

kamelo · 26/05/2019 11:18

I don't see how you can possible say he doesn't live there if he sleeps there six nights a week. More to the point, does it matter what address he officially "lives" at, or to put it another way would it make a difference if he was officially living with you?

As for a split, there is three of you and one of him so a quarter sounds about right.

DustyDoorframes · 26/05/2019 20:07

Three and a half and one and a half, sharing the joint child surely? So more like a third than a quarter.

SpideyMom · 26/05/2019 21:05

Surely 6 nights a week would be considered as living together?

thelonggame · 26/05/2019 21:13

I'd class six nights a week as living together, and so would say split 50/50.

babysharkah · 26/05/2019 21:16

6 nights a week is living with you. 50/50.

Scrumptiousbears · 26/05/2019 21:19

Where would he being going on his one night off?

DramaRamaLlama · 26/05/2019 21:20

Why on earth is he spending one day away?

You have a child together. What's he doing one night a week and why?!

Tremar · 26/05/2019 21:37

How can he not be living with you if he's there 6 nights a week? Doesn't make any sense. I have plenty of friends who's dhs work away and can be gone 3/4/5 nights of the week, (sometimes whole weeks at a time) but they're still living together, and they still pay the bills (or their "share") as if they were there every night. Where is he "living" on his one night off?

swingofthings · 27/05/2019 07:55

So he has another address? Where he lives during the day? Does he not work?

Original poster
ncqtime · 27/05/2019 08:00

Oops didn't realise I got any replies! Thank you everyone the idea was he'd be renting a flat and staying there for the other night. Looks like he'll be moving in now as it makes the most sense

OP posts:
Scrumptiousbears · 27/05/2019 08:14

Why would he rent a flat for one night a week though. That makes now sense at all.

JaynePoole · 27/05/2019 08:36

How are your other finances, for raising your child, arranged?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 27/05/2019 09:10

Do you get benefits and he is 'living away'. I can't see any other reason for someone to not live with you but stay six nights per week.

SpideyMom · 27/05/2019 09:27

It was bound to get mentioned at some point.

Are you in receipt of any benefits 'living alone' with 3 children to care for? Just because he has a correspondence address elsewhere in your case does not mean you are living separately. At 6 nights a week and contributing you are most definitely living together.

Why waste money on renting a flat for only 4/5 nights a month. It's ridiculous.

Glad you have agreed it's best he just moves in
Regardless, if he is

SpideyMom · 27/05/2019 09:34

Ignore the regardless if he is. No idea where that come from

fedup21 · 27/05/2019 09:38

Why on earth he spend money renting a flat which would sit empty for 6 nights a week?

You have a child together, you are a couple-why aren’t you living together?

Why would he only be paying for gas and electricity? What about all of the other costs of running a house?

JoJoSM2 · 27/05/2019 12:48

50/50 There isn’t that much difference in gas used whether you cook for 2 adults or 2 adults and 3 children. Or the house needs heating either way.

HigaDequasLuoff · 27/05/2019 13:58

This is a selfish, gittish oaf who has temporarily persuaded you that he isn't. When the scales fall from your eyes you will regret this.

Obviously as PP say, 6 nights a week very much is living with you. What he wants is to maintain an escape route so that he can easily leave you and the child to whom he is the father once he gets bored, and
therefore won't take on any role in actually supporting his family, whilst still getting all the benefits (mainly the shagging and the domestic labour) of being part of a couple.

He is taking you for a mug, and you are being one.

For heavens sake get him out of your life. The sooner the better.

If he was a "keeper" he would be wanting to move in properly, and you would both be pooling all resources (including obviously any child support coming in for your other DC) and not caring exactly who pays for what.

He's not a "keeper" though so don't get any more entangled. Get shot of him instead.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 27/05/2019 14:03

Either people will assume you are fiddling benefits or he will assume you will be doing 100% of everything as he is just a guest....
He needs to step up imo. You have a dc...

Ellisandra · 27/05/2019 16:59

Why on earth would you go to the cost of renting a flat?!
And why wouldn’t he live with his own child all the time?
Sounds like this should be on Relationships not Money. I’m sure there’s something very dodgy about this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread