DPs money dishonesty

[Choodechoo]

After returning to work from maternity leave number 2 and having to pay nursery fees again, I've been racking my brain trying to balance finances. DP told me his income and I told him it was keeping me up all night trying to work things out in my head etc. DP then offered to pay all the nursery fees out of his own money. I was flummoxed as I couldn't see how he would be left with enough money himself at the end of each month.
I asked for his wage slip and he said he had left them in a drawer at work. A rummage later, I found them in his laptop bag... all 30 of them. It turns out that he's been earning £100 a month more than he has said in the last 2 years.
This may not sound much, but I thought we were ensuring that we each had equal spending money at the end of every month... it turns out hes been having £100 more than me. And to think I was fretting about him being left with no money!
I have told him I am upset at his dishonesty and he has gotten angry at being called out and told me that the problem is that I "need to get better job that pays more fucking money then, or work evenings and weekends, earn more money if you want more money"
I'm gutted.
I work 2 days in the week, take care of DCs whilst he works during 3 days of the week and do a bit of extra work at weekends to make ends meet when DP is at home (making and selling, that type of thing.) I do all school runs for DC1 etc. He doesn't see us as equals. I'm devastated.

Would you be?

Or value my role as primary carer for our children it seems. He thinks I deserve less money because I earn less money. I've given him 2 beautiful children 😓

Just to add that he is not offering to pay all the nursery fees... just the extra that we seem to be missing, which happens to be 100 a month, the same that he has been having extra to me.

Of course you are disappointed especially as he lied however take some time to reflect and see if you can talk to him when he is less defensive.

Ultimately he was prepared to pay more for fees so that is a positive. I think finances is an area of high conflict and finding a way to make it work is important. I hope when he cools down he apologises and tries to rebuild trust. I think his comments were defensive as you caught him out, rather than true beliefs but that is something to test.

So what's yours is shared and what's his is his? You're all in with equal spending money, and he keeps £100 per month extra? I wouldn't have that.

While I'm not necessarily in the all money is shared money and everyone needs to have the aame amount bla bla bla this is not ok.

The fact is he lied.
The fact is he's hidden money.
The fact is that he only offered to help when you were at breaking point.
The fact is he still lied,then lied some more to cover up the initial lies.
When confronted about all this,instead of looking at himself and his behaviour he went down the "you want more money make it" twat route.

This does not sound like a healthy,equal,respectful relationship.

Out of curiosity does he do his fair share in the house?

When a partner lies about money, you can be 100% sure they will be lying about quite a few other things.

For you trust has been lost. It is doubtful whether you will ever really have confidence in him again, especially when the other lies start to emerge.