Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Unmarried Stay at Home Parent

15 replies

Horseyinthehouse · 30/04/2019 15:14

I keep reading on here that it's bloody stupid unwise to be a sahp when you are not married to the earning spouse.

This is my situation but I don't understand how it would be more of a problem being unmarried if he were to leave me or die?

We are not married, live together (in Scotland), our mortgage is joint and we only have the two children that we have together. Why is it actually such a big deal, I'm not disputing that it is, I'm just looking for advice to understand.

OP posts:
octonoughtcake3 · 30/04/2019 15:17

If you split you would entitled to half of everything but in divorce as a SAHM with the children you would probably get more than half. You would also have rights to pension.

Finfintytint · 30/04/2019 15:18

How easy would it be for you to get back a career years later with no experience, etc if he left?

Teddybear45 · 30/04/2019 15:20

If you split now you would be entitled to 50% of everything in joint names, and you would need to go to court for anything else related to your kids (including maintenance). You would not be entitled to anything more for yourself.

This is why, if you are unmarried it’s vital to keep on top of your finances, make everything joint and keep an escape fund just in your name in case it’s needed. You really need to look out for yourself.

ArnoldBee · 30/04/2019 15:21

Bereavement Support payment is only payable if you are married.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2019 15:24

Your income (and earning potential) keeps going down and his keeps going up. He acquires a huge pension, savings, even property maybe... If you were married you'd have a claim on those. Unmarried, you don't.

The death thing is interesting. Who makes decisions for you in the event of serious illness? Who does any death in service money go to? Do you own a home? What does his will say (bear in mind he could change that tomorrow and not tell you)?

If you are fabulously independently wealthy or on the bones of your arse, it's less of an issue. If he has assets and money and you don't, that's the issue.

Original poster
Horseyinthehouse · 30/04/2019 15:32

Half of everything as in the house, I'm already a joint owner though? What other things?

Finfintytint - I assume it would be just as difficult if we had been married or not.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 30/04/2019 15:37

Half of the current account, half of all savings accounts, any investments, pensions.

Original poster
Horseyinthehouse · 30/04/2019 15:38

I'm looking to return to work soon and also I think I might just say we should get married soon, go to the registry office and we're done.

Despite being a sahp foe the last couple of years, my pension is probably better than his and I definitely have more personal savings than him and quicker access to the joint savings!

He has nominated me to receive his death payment from his work and neither of us have a will Confused something else I'd better get on to!

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 30/04/2019 15:38

You aren't eachothers next of kin

grincheux · 30/04/2019 15:43

Check your mortgage terms - we've had to get life insurance for the entire value of the house EACH, as because we're not married yet our single salaries apparently wouldn't cover it if one of us were to die and the bank would repossess... Hmm

Mintypea5 · 30/04/2019 15:47

If your not married get a will! If you have join accounts and house then you're entitled to that but anything else you'd have no legal claim on. We've just been through this with my poor mil who fil refused to marry it make a will she's been left with nothing because legally she had no claim.

Luckily DH and his siblings aren't dicks so she will be ok but it's been a massive heartache and mess for her

Original poster
Horseyinthehouse · 30/04/2019 17:19

That's sad minty pea, so was the house left to fil's children? Glad to hear she can rely on them more than she could their father.

We both have life insurance for the value of the house at least.

OP posts:
Mintypea5 · 30/04/2019 18:25

@Horseyinthehouse yes house was left to the children. Clearly they've let their mum live in it and no issues but I've seen other examples where it gets nasty if people don't want to or want to sell.

Sadly also because non of his money (turned out a significant amount) was in a join account so again she had no claim to it. Basically 31 years together raising his 5 kids and she was left homeless and penny less

TurnUPtheheat12 · 30/04/2019 22:17

The differences between married and single can be found on Citizens Advice and if you are in UK www.gov.uk
Example inheritance tax

Shylo · 30/04/2019 22:22

With regards the comments above that you are entitled to 50% of everything in joint names, if you you were to separate and get into a dispute the issues would have to be heard in commercial court rather than being subject to matrimonial law - the time and cost involved with commercial disputes are far greater (generally)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread