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How do I work out this money?

24 replies

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 12:04

I've got a spreadsheet showing all our outgoings.

How do I work out what each of us should be paying in from our salaries so that it's proportionate to our income?

Or so that we have the same leftover each month for ourselves?

Maybe it's the same equation.

I can give figures if you need!

Help! It's never right when I do it!

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 25/04/2019 12:28

100/ joint takehome x your takehome = % you pay proportionally.

So say you take home £1500 and OH £1800
100/3300 =A
A x 1500= 45%

Or joint takehome minus joint bills/2 leaves you the same amount.

It’s two different calculations and totals could be very different between proportional and left with the same.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 12:37

Thank you.

Well that leaves me with another question!

Which is the most fair?

DH doesn't really go out or see anyone, or have any hobbies. Which he's quite content with, he's very much an introvert.
Whereas I'm the complete opposite 😁

Should we have equal spends even though he'll never ever do anything with his?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 25/04/2019 12:39

It’s up to him what he does with his - not for you to deprive him because you want to..

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 12:42

Fair enough.

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 25/04/2019 12:42

Of course you should have equal spends ... presumably he at least buys clothes or personal items or presents? And just because he doesn't spend money now, doesn't mean he won't in the future. Or maybe he likes the idea of having money saved for a rainy day.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 12:51

So we should have equal spends, and not proportionate to income as above?

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 12:52

Clothes, personal items, presents....no not really. He barely spends any money.

He's got about £20k in the bank while I'm paying off a credit card to go to my brother's wedding abroad, alone.

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 25/04/2019 12:58

I think equal is "fairer" particularly if one has taken a hit on their career/earning potential to look after children. But proportionate can work too. Depends on what suits you both.

Presumably your DH likes having his savings (or he would, for example, have offered to give you some)? I'm a saver, not a spender, and having equal personal income was the only way that I could stop resenting DH's every purchase.

SpoonBlender · 25/04/2019 13:06

We do proportional - I cover 70% of the bills (and sneakily pay for some stuff as well so that DP has enough spending money for fun).

SD1978 · 25/04/2019 13:49

Bills proportional, including food. X amount, proportional into savings, the rest is yours to do as you wish to. So if all his is saved and continues to be so, that's his choice.

namechangedx · 25/04/2019 14:33

You should have the same amount of spends each month whether he spends his half or not.

Hollowvictory · 25/04/2019 14:37

It depends on your relationship really. If you are dating I would not exp all money to be shared. If you are married I would.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 25/04/2019 14:55

Do you need/want separate finances? For the first 10 years of my marriage we just had one joint account and everything came out of that. We did have a budget and did discuss large outgoings but there was no 'my money' and 'his money'. Now we divert £100 each per month for clothes, coffees & buying stuff but the vast majority is still shared.

Lazypuppy · 25/04/2019 17:55

We do proportionate.

I earn more than my dp so why should i have less to spend each month?

MeanMrMustardSeed · 25/04/2019 18:04

Although it’s got a very practical application, it’s a very philosophical question you’re asking - and one you’ll have to discuss within with DP before doing the maths.
For what it’s worth, if it’s early days, I would do proportional - the higher earner has the most spending power. If it’s a well-established and permanent arrangement, it’d be fairer to have equal spending. If he chooses to accumulate his money in savings, that is a valid and reasonable choice.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 25/04/2019 18:19

We've been married 4 years and have 2 children. So pretty permanent 😁

I think this has raised some bigger issues actually. He'd rather have 10s of thousands in the bank, than do anything eg go on holiday, or to a family wedding, or a weekend away.
Though when I ask him to explain what exactly the savings are for he doesn't have answer.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 25/04/2019 18:30

We don't do 'proportion of income' nor 'equal spends'.

We do 'put the money together, trust each other to spend wisely, save towards items we both agree we need, and have adult conversations about what to do with any remaining money' Smile

Fairness suggests an element of competitiveness.

RedSkyLastNight · 25/04/2019 19:01

EggysMom that method only works if you have similar ideas about spending and really doesn't work if one of you is a saver and one of you is a spender though (as in OP's case). The saver tends to begrudge any money spent on nonessentials and the spender (as proved by this thread) can't see the point of saving unless there is a clearly defined purpose to it. Much easier to make sure all basics are covered and that any money left over is personal and therefore not subject to argument.

DH and I used to have the one pot and discuss method. Our marriage is much happier now we don't.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 25/04/2019 20:18

Being married with children puts a very different spin on things! Sounds like you’ve got enough squirrelled away to cover you for most eventualities, so you should have some serious conversation about spending at least some of your money while the children are young. You can’t take it with you.

BarbaraofSevillle · 26/04/2019 10:24

Proportionate to income can be unfair because if there are big differences in salary, the lower earner will be left with a lot less spending money and if they're the one who's earning less because they're also looking after children, obviously unfair.

OP, who pays the DC costs - clothes, childcare, presents etc? Do these come out of joint income or your spending money? Don't fall into the trap that some mothers seem to do, where the mother's money all goes on the DCs while the father's money all goes on him. DC costs should come out of joint spends.

But the fairest way is for all income to go into one pot and all joint expenses, including pensions, bills, food, travel unless for personal hobbies etc, child expenses, rainy day fund and annual and irregular expenses to come out of that pot, and for the remainder to be split 50/50 to spend as you and your DH like.

If you want to spend all yours, fine. If he wants to save all his, also fine. That's his personal money for him to do what he wants with, not for you to spend.

If the family has spare money and he agrees that you can use joint money for you alone to go to your brother's foreign wedding, fine, but you shouldn't expect it. Have you transferred the balance to a 0% credit card so it's not costing interest?

DustyDoorframes · 26/04/2019 13:11

Also you say he doesn't spend on presents- if you are buying presents for "his" people then that should go either against his spending money or a joint present budget.

DustyDoorframes · 26/04/2019 13:13

PS - a lot of the conversations around this fell into place very easily when we started using YNAB. It's cleared up a lot of both our thinking.

fluffyhamster · 26/04/2019 13:39

What's YNAB?

DustyDoorframes · 26/04/2019 15:01

Sorry- You Need A Budget. It's budgeting software that it especially clear and strikes a chord with a lot of people.

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