This is long, sorry. Just looking for some friendly advice about if there's something else I could do here and I feel really awkward asking friends, and no supportive family to ask apart from DH...
DH and I married last year. He earns 3 times my normal salary in his work, and works v long hours with a lot of responsibility. I used to be a teacher but left the profession after years of hard slog and working my guts out, and no personal life after I felt it was impacting on my wellbeing and health. After I left I managed to set up my own business doing something completely different and this has been great, but incredibly hard work! We have done really well and for the next few years I have been earning a good salary the same as what I was on as a teacher, plus employing people.
At one point, a few years ago I had a breakdown, mainly due to family issues in my past but also brought on by the stress of running a business and lying awake at night worrying about a big contractor not paying us for our products in time etc etc. I was also terrified I would have to go back into teaching which I was determined never to do. Even the stress of running a company was better as at least I was my own boss. Anyway, I recovered with counselling and the support of my DH (fiance at the time) who was amazing. He financially supported me to take a couple of months off and get the help I needed. The experience gave me a new mindset and I realised it was a habit of mine to work too hard, and I needed to make more time for me.
Anyway, fast forward to now, and my company has hit the rocks. Last summer (just before we got married (!) we lost a big contract and that slashed my business's income. It has also become really hard to sell our products or get new contracts - too outing to go into details but it's basically to do with external environmental things in the world affecting our trade. So since last year it has become clear that I am now only able to take home a quarter of the annual salary I was paying myself from the company. (Luckily my 3 team members foresaw the issues coming in our sector and all elected to leave and do different things -all got jobs- so I didn't have to make anyone redundant, but it was pretty sad and stressful anyway).
Last year, to top up my income I took on private tutoring hours, and also some lecturing at a university (part-time). So alongside my slashed company director income, I am now earning about 50% of what I was before in total. However this income comes from lots of sporadic bits and the tutoring is not permanent (termly contracts) and freelance so it doesn't feel stable.
DH and I have worked out that for each month I can continue to bring in the 50% reduced income we will be alright in terms of mortgage and bills etc, but that leaves nothing else for me and nothing for holidays or any nice extras at all, and no opportunity to save - so we would have to use the credit card if the boiler broke. Plus of course it is unstable.
I have been taking on as much additional tutoring etc that I can, as well as other bits. I have also started looking into ways my company could diversify and earn money from other profits, but this type of work is slow going and time consuming and there is no certainty I could manage to increase profits. At the same time I am also acutely aware of my MH and not burning myself out.
DH has been really supportive and asks me if I need extra money, but I always say no as I know that there isn't any without dipping into overdraft. I also feel really guilty the whole time that he works so hard and considers it all "our money" and half the time I'm at home at my desk trying to make things work but only getting paid 50% of what I used to. I do all the housework during the week as his hours are so long, but feel guilty if I do those during the daytime hours a I'm not even a sahm. (Not sure if it's relevant but we do want to start a family in the future). The good news is DH will be getting a pay rise next year, but I feel sorry because it's all on him.
For context, the normal arrangements for our finances are that my salary / earnings go into my personal account and DH's into his, and then we direct debit our mortgage and bills to a "bills account". Whatever is left is ours to spend or save (not much in my case anymore, obviously). I have been paying my income into our joint mortgage and bills account and then living incredibly frugally. I am lucky that DH's income can cover our groceries, so I am much luckier than some, but there are no extras or savings and I am worried.
Sorry for the babble. My mind is full of this really. I don't really know how to sort out this mess or what I should be doing? Does anyone have any ideas?