If you were once shit with money, what made you change?

[bodgersmash]

Just curious. My DP is shockingly bad with money. Earns well but spends even more. Buries his head in the sand about it.

He just doesn't seem to get money, and debt doesn't seem to affect him mentally (I could be wrong about this bit). He'll do well for a while, but then will slip and spiral again. No gambling etc, it's more things. Eating and drinking out, odds and ends, subscriptions for stuff he doesn't need.

Has anyone managed to change their money mindset? If so, how did you do it? What was your click point?

I went back to being a student a bit later in life and was forced to live quite frugally. It really made me question whether I really needed every purchase. Sorry I don’t know if that could help you!

I was never shit with money, I just never had any and never been taught anything about finances. One day I had enough and took the matter into my own hands. I went to the library, got all the books I could find on finance and read the lot.
Then Martin Lewis happened.

My click point was realising that nobody is ever going to sort out my finances for me. Talked to lots of girlfriends who dismissed it as ‘him in the shed’s business, not mine!’ As it happened mine was appaling with money and he was spiralling us into debt.
I then talked to their husbands, who dismissed me with a ‘that’s your husband’s business to worry, not your pretty little head’s’.
Then I went to the library.

1. marrying somebody more financially savvy than me who explained and encouraged good spending behaviours together.

2. having children. My desire for them to live in a nice home and have opportunities for activities and travel, as well as wanting to be able to help them as young adults, has spurred me into better spending and saving habits.

Point 1 that @tomhazard said above.

When I was younger I was terrible with money. I married someone who was very good with managing money, and most importantly I listened to their advice and how they managed money.

Now, many years later, I'm probably too sensible with money as all work and no play makes for a dull life.

On the bright side we have a massive amount of savings and I could treat myself guilt free.

However it's easy to slip into spending so it takes effort and vigilance and most people struggle there with the "want it right now" culture.

I was in a relationship with someone even worse with money than I was, it made me realise it's a slippery slope. I was guilty of buying things I didn't need and couldn't really justify the cost of, ex blew a large six figure inheritance in two years with nothing to show for it. I got out of the relationship and now I'm very frugal and have a decent wedge of savings. Security is the most important thing to me now and I wouldn't go back to the stress I was inflicting on myself before. It isn't difficult to budget, but you have to want to.

I read on a other forum a post saying they realised that the interest they were paying on their credit cards was basically funding massive financial services bonuses. Every time they were tempted to use the card they made themselves think of some overpaid arse lying on a tropical beach somewhere. I'm still not perfect but I've found this tactic very helpful!

DP works in finance so he helps me put together plans and budgets etc.

I got a Monzo card which shows you how much you've spent that month on eg eating out, shopping, wine (you can customise). It's v good.

I realised I kept being charged for going over my overdraft lol - felt like theft!

I brought Dave Ramsey's money makeover and listen to his podcasts it's been really helpful for someone who was initially crap at money

After enjoying spending money and maxing out credit cards and overdrafts despite not earning much, something had to give.

I decided to to treat our income like a business, I am Financial Director of our money and needed to reduce overheads to maximise profits.

Now debt free and living well below our means, we still don't earn a lot but can easily manage it. I have gone the other way and track and analyse every penny spent which is OTT but I enjoy seeing the savings rise towards holidays, home improvements, mortgage reduction etc. Seeing our monthly net worth rising is nice to see too.

Oh budgeting is vitally important too. I use an app called You Need A Budget (YNAB) bit you can use free Excel spreadsheets.

I love YNAB, DP hates it. He just seems to want to stick his head in the sand about everything. He's in about £10k debt. Down from £15k 18 months ago, up from £7k 5 months ago.

I want to buy my own home and get away from family. I'm saving up for my first deposit. I still have my moments but have saved around 5k despite still studying for my second degree.

The biggest thing that helped me was to set up a monthly direct debit that went into a fixed account I couldn't touch. It wasn't a huge amount only £25 a month which I didn't even notice, but it slowly builds up.

For me it was owing so much on a credit card that I was only just making the monthly payments. I took out a loan to pay it off at a lower rate of interest and cut the card up. I do have a card now but have asked my husband to keep it for me and only to give it to me if I really need it.

Could you ask your husband for you give him control over the cash and to givd him an allowance. If I was still struggling I would ask my husband to do this.

In my early 20s health and high graduate debts - had to take on a DMP for a while. Meant I had to give up any credit cards and open a simple bank account. It really helped with managing money. Years later have a good credit rating but has changed things. I keep a simple account with no overdraft and much more careful.

Not carrying cash.

Excel spread sheets.

Printing monthly bank statements and allocating every single spend to a catergory. I built up around 3 years of monthly spending - it was revealing!

A period after I left when money was brutally tight. I managed to give the children a nice enough life (toddler groups, trips to the park and an ice cream etc) but only by spending absolutely nothing on myself. Now I am much clearer on the difference between “need” and “want”.

*after I left abusive ex

If your rubbish with money you need to have a proper light bulb moment to change for good. I think I might be having mine. Its Easter holidays and I have absolutely no money to treat DC or take them anywhere despite both my and DP working and having a mortgage paid off.

I had low living costs in my 20s and spent all my money on clothes and holidays and used credit cards without thinking. When I bought my own home, I literally had no spare money to spend on myself and learnt how to budget because I had to. I also met someone who was careful with money who changed my mindset too.