Partner hides money and debt from me.

[Wilsdj01]

My partner has a child with his ex who I might add left him and moved 300 miles away. She currently gets more CSA from him than the calculation says he should pay. We also have to pay twice monthly to travel to see his child which involves, hotels hire cars and fuel not to mention the fact we have to pay for days out also as we can't be couped up in a hotel all day long I've accepted this now for six years even to the point that I agreed that we should give up our home and moved back to my parents so he could have more equity to see his child he gets a very good wage also but I refused to pay all the bills in a new home when he wouldn't contribute a penny to it. His ex is very very wealthy and won't waiver on any of the money she takes off him. I am now fed up of having no privacy want my own place again and he's saying all he can help me with is £500 a month even despite the fact after he's paid everything he's left with £1300 expendable income!! Now I've just found out that it's not enough that all his wages goes on competing with his ex with his child he's been hiding credit card debt from me that he's ran up competing with his ex for absolute stupid things she's 9 years old and has iPads mobile phones etc all I want is my own place I really want to just leave him I've ended up with anxiety and depression just need some friendly advice please I'm at my white end I don't think he will ever change.

His child is a red herring here. I think you need to leave.

I totally agree with you Hun even his child at 9 bribes him now. He's told me loads of times she will always come first I've lent him thousands when his ex left him broke and I first met him and now he can't even spare a few hundred so we can have our own place your damn right I know it's what I need to do suppose I'm just scared of the upset but in the long run I'll be better even his sister has told me to leave and he will never change.

Sorry OP, I don't really understand the problem? You say you really want to leave him, so badly that it's now giving you anxiety and depression. So leave him. Sorry, I don't get what the problem is? It's really quite normal to end a relationship when it's no longer working. You say you are worried about the upset. Will he get violent or nasty, or do something? If you are in danger of course you need to be careful and maybe ask specific advice on that. But if you are worried about him being upset (in a normal way as would be usual at the end of a relationship) then I think you need to leave. There is nothing in your post to suggest you still want to be in this relationship, so leave. You deserve to be happy.

Sorry maybe I didn't explain properly everytime I say I'm leaving he promises to change gets upset and I buckle and give in, but now it's got to the point where it's making my MH worse I think I've got this feeling in my head I'm just not strong enough to leave cz I feel I won't be able to cope with the guilt of upsetting him I just think I'm putting his feeling before my own and to be honest I know I shouldn't as he's never respected me until the thought of losing me then he changes for a few weeks thinks I've forgotten about it then goes back to his old self. Your right I'm mostly just not feeling strong but I need to be and cut all ties.

Suggest start making enquiries how much to buy or rent a property for yourself. You don't have to tell him anything. Make some viewings of properties. Also add up your income and your expenses. You may need to save up, until you can move. It sounds like you need to end this relationship.

Oh OP I'm so sorry, I completely get why this is causing you MH problems. He sounds very manipulative. Given what you said I can see why he doesn't want you to leave. He does rather have it made doesn't he! You sound like a very kind and caring person and you deserve better then this.

Him changing his ways just for a few weeks and then reverting back to his old habits isn't good enough. And its also the clearest indication you will get for what the future holds: more of the same. But it sounds like you are now seeing through his bullshit. You are seeing the pattern of manipulative behavior.

I worry that the longer this continues the worse effect it will have on you. If you can find the strength to leave I hope you can do it. He will try and emotionally blackmail you into staying, but see it for what it is, him looking out for himself first and foremost. You deserve much better than that. It really sounds like you will be happier without this. x

Such a lovely thing to say thank you. See when I met him he was in so much debt from his ex whom he has a child with I gave him all I had cz I felt he needed it but now I know he isn't in that situation anymore he's still all out for himself I am currently sorting a place thank god as I still own my own house but I rent it out. I've got a place to go temp and with all the lovely advice I have had from you lovely people you have all confirmed exactly what I already knew deep down he won't ever change. Thank you all so much this advice has been amazing Xx

When my exh hid debt from me and blamed me for being skint I filed for divorce and threw him out.
Stop being a doormat.
Take back your life!!

You're not married to him, and I can't see any mention of a child of your own. So all you're doing is facilitating him, with nothing in it for you. I'm glad to see you've decided to go. And good luck for the future.

I take my hat off to you for being such an amazing and strong person your deserve all the happiness that's coming you way X

Thanks so much X