Shared assets and investing in DPs house

[myidentitymycrisis]

This may be long and complicated, please bear with me.

My DP owns a house which is being extensively extended and is not ready to live in. We live in different countries, but he visits frequently.

We want to live there together and get married. He is currently separated and needs to divorce (separated over 15 years) first. This should just be a formality as the financial settlement was made on separation.

I rent here and have a secure tenancy which I will give up. I have savings which I could put into the house to complete it. I think he would be willing to do this even though he would prefer to have the cash available himself. I want to make it a loan and contract it and then to pool our resources once we are married. I think he prefers to transfer the money on trust. I’m fearful that he will think I don’t trust him but it is to me just a reckless way of operating.

I feel like this is coming between us and stopping us from moving forward, and that we are at an impasse. We have to discuss so many things such as our wills and inheritance for our grown children. I feel it would not be half my house because he has paid the mortgage over the last 20 years so my child would not stand to inherit. What would happen when one/both of us dies? Would his child inherit and my child not ? I would have invested my child’s inheritance into the house. I’ve never been dependent on a partner for money but he is offering me the option to move in and not have to work if I don’t want to. I can’t imagine not being financially independent.

It sounds like you have already worked out the pitfalls. I personally know 2 women who have put money into houses they didn't own and lose it all.and that is in this country. Please don't do it. Even if he signed a loan agreement how would you enforce it? Keep your money. He can finish his house or not. Presumably he has a plan to do that without your money?

Why would you invest your money if he is still legally married. If he passed away, legally everything would go to his wife. I would not loan him a penny.

Why would you?
What country do your kids live in?

AJP Yes he has a plan but it will take longer to accrue funds to finish the house that way. He already borrowed against the capital in the house to settle with exW.

D3adPh0n3
I agree that the divorce should go ahead first, but the settlement was made and paid many years ago and my understanding under the terms of the agreement she has no further claim to his assets. Even so I would not offer consider offering the loan until then.
7yo&yo
The reason I would is to move things forward so that we can live together sooner rather than later. I have the funds to make that happen and that is what we agree we both want.

we live in UK
they are EU

Thanks for all your thoughts as there are so many questions and I am going round and round in circles here.

To be clear, where is he living now? In the house he is extending? If you have never lived together it's a huge gamble. Take your money off the table for now. Investigate marriage and divorce law in the country you intend to reside in. Have this moved to legal or repost there.

Yes he is in the house but it’s unfinished Upstairs and has a temporary kitchen (functioning).

Thanks I will move to legal

I would not part with any money until. 1) He is legally divorced 2) You are married 3) You both have wills. Without any of these 3 things you would be leaving yourself financially very vulnerable. Example if you were not married, you lent him the money, you split up, you probably won't get any money back. Versus if he borrowed the money from a bank, if he defaulted on the loan, the bank could charge lots of interest or he may need to sell the house. Be careful !

I'm so glad you are against transferring the money to him just on trust. That really would have been a stupid thing to do, so glad you aren't doing it.

Personally, I wouldn't get financially intertwined at this stage. I would rent somewhere together, each paying half, for a while at least as a test run. He will say he can't afford to due to his house, but going by your update it does sound like he can't actually afford his house; he has already sucked the capital out of it and it's going to take him long to accrue funds to complete it. If he really wants to start a new life with you he is going to have to organise his finances to make that work, otherwise, its just talk really isn't it.

Would he give you a share of the property equal to the loan value? Then you would have an investment and if you split he’d be in a better position either financially to enable to buy you out or remortgage a completed house