Hi,
I am looking for some advice. My husband and I have separate bank accounts. He is the main earner and I am a stay at home mum. I do however own a little side business but it is not bringing much in at the moment.
My husband has got into massive debt - massive. I found out about this last year and was completely devastated and felt really betrayed. I still don’t 100% understand how the debt came about and why he let it get as bad as it did but regardless I decided not to walk away from my marriage.
We have young children and for me to work outside the home we would be financially worse off due to childcare so unfortunately that’s not an option at the moment.
Almost half of my husbands income is going to pay off the debts each month which means there simply isn’t anything left after the rent - last month he was £130 short of rent which I managed to cover with our child benefit. However I have done the entire month with not one single penny and it isn’t the first time. I still feel my husband isn’t being as responsible for the finances as he could be - he’l do Silly things like pop to the shops and buy a £5 treat - a cake or something. It’s not a massive deal and he gets stroppy when I complain about it and says “so I work 6 days a week and can’t buy a cake” the fact is no, no he can’t buy a cake. I feel that absolutely every single penny needs to be accounted for and spent properly. All the £5s £3s spent of unessentials add up.
He is refusing to get any official help to reduce the monthly payments as his job requires strong finances and he could lose it / certainly his position if they were to find out what a mess he’s in.
I can’t claim any working tax credits or anything as his wage is over the threshold so I’m not entitled to absolutely anything.
I honestly don’t know what to do
Monday - Friday he works away so I have the children on my own. I literally have no money what so ever to live on. I do a weekly food shop using his credit card but the final week of the month that runs out too.
I don’t want to end my marriage because of finances, but I feel like I need to separate in order to be able to have some money, and also pay my own bills which are at the minute just being left.
Can anyone see a way out of this?
Obviously I don’t want him to lose his job or position at work, but we can’t continue like this forever and I don’t see what we can do to get on top of everything.
I don’t even have access to the accounts to go through it all and work out a budget.
I feel completely in the dark and am frustrated.
Every idea welcome.
Thank you xxxx