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Bf not paying towards the bills [confused]

16 replies

MUMAV4 · 09/01/2019 11:55

I need advice on my situation because I’m confused.

4 and a bit years ago while I was 6 months pregnant with my little girl my bf left me. He couldn’t give me a reason, we had no problems before I was pregnant and well he just started ignoring me and then he left.
Skip ahead 2 years, I’ve found a house before little girl arrived, finished my degree, got a full time job got and lost a bf and about to start my masters degree… and then.. the dad (who is a fabulous father) wants me back.
I forgive him even though I never actually got an apology.
He moves himself in right away (using the key I gave to his mother for emergencies) but I was fine with that.
I told him to stop giving me the £200 he was giving me for my child every month because it felt weird to still have maintenance and as we wanted to book a big trip to Japan he said he would just start putting it to a holiday fund.
He never offered to pay any bills or give me money for anything. He does all the driving but shopping and days out are very much split (if anything I would over compensate for him driving and pay for the days food etc)

My bills are £900 for rent, council tax and house related bills (not childcare or my mobil etc)
Last year Jan I didn’t have a job for two months but using my student loan I still covered all the bills until I got my current job.

Back in October after seeing he’s not putting enough away for the holiday fund I said things need to change.
I said he had to make the house over all more equal (because I also do most of the cleaning and all the school runs… without a car)

HE has tried with the cleaning but I still do most of it, but trying is good.
He was planning on quitting his job because the commute was too much and he wants to train to be a teacher ( I fully support that) but he now uses it as an excuse not to pay equal.
He left his job just before Christmas without a job set up to go into. Yesterday after I asked him what job searching he had done he had only applied fo one job and gone out with his brother.
He also hasn’t finalised any training for September.

Am I being a complete mug? Because it feels like it.
I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 09/01/2019 12:00

Can he work in a shop or bar part time while he is doing his teaching course.

7yo7yo · 09/01/2019 12:01

Yeah your being mugged of.
Stop being a fool.
A fantastic dad pays for his kids.

LIZS · 09/01/2019 12:01

Sounds like a freeloader. Why quit before his teaching course starts, assuming that is for real. Has he even applied?

pinkyredrose · 09/01/2019 12:04

Why did he move in straight away? The cynic in me says he needed somewhere to live and knew he could talk you round to getting back with him.

fromdespairto · 09/01/2019 12:08

I'd get rid. He sounds like he just wants a free ride. He would either have to start paying half the bills straight away or he would be moving out.

LionsHeart · 09/01/2019 12:10

He is a gold plated cock-lodger and furthermore he sounds to be setting himself up as full-time SAHD. It's a matter of time before he suggests being your DD's SAHD so he doesn't have to work, pay out, re-train or leave your house if you see the light.

Good luck getting rid of this chancer. He saw you coming.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/01/2019 12:13

The hills are that way—->

Bluntness100 · 09/01/2019 12:15

Yup, he's free loading, kick his sorry arse out.

sparklepops123 · 09/01/2019 12:16

He's using you, kick him out

StarJumpsandaHalf · 09/01/2019 12:20

Sorry OP but you’ve made yourself into a total doormat and he’s not only wiping his feet but rubbing the dirt in too.

brick15 · 09/01/2019 12:22

Yes you’re being a mug, get rid.

flumpybear · 09/01/2019 12:23

Bloody hell OP - he's either using you or ... well using you 😵
Get a firm grip on this as he's taking the piss! Plus he can work around training to be a teacher (crap pay!) to contribute to his family

MUMAV4 · 09/01/2019 14:08

These weren't easy to ready even through I knew it was true. When he comes out with these things, like e quoting his job nearly a year before the course because it's getting him down, I stupidly just want him to be happy and agree. He's nice to me day to day, he couldn't raise his voice even if he tried, everyone see's him as such a great guy but now I've really noticed it, he's being so unfair to me I'm so embarrassed.
I have kicked him out and made him stay at his parents but it only lasted a week then I gave him a second chance because I wasn't sure if we would fix it and my daughter was starting to ask questions that I couldn't cover and I didn't want her upset or confused.
Well now I know I'm not just playing the victim I'll be firm.

OP posts:
Lifeofsmiley · 09/01/2019 21:14

Cocklodger springs to mind

Mum4Fergus · 09/01/2019 21:22

He's a freeloading cocklodger. You are setting your little one a bad example when it comes to what is/isn't acceptable behaviour. Get rid...if you can't do it for your own self esteem, do it for your daughter Bear

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 09/01/2019 21:24

Am I being a complete mug?

Yes

I don’t know what to do.

Pack his things and kick him out.

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