Hi,
I would like advice about a particular money related problem.
I have sufficient income to pay all essential bills, repay my debts and meet our everyday needs. However, I constantly overspend to the extent where it is uncommon for me to go from one pay day to the next without having to borrow small amounts from a family member to make ends meet.
The overspending is linked to my feelings of guilt with respect to my two teenage sons.
The boys (now 17 and 19) have serious mental health problems which are partly due to physical and emotional abuse they experienced from their father (from whom I am now separated). The eldest is in residential accommodation and is recovering quite well and the youngest lives with me.
However, I pay a proportion of the fees for my son's accommodation because I feel it is unfair for him to pay this and because I feel it is somehow my fault that his mental health escalated to the point where he had to be accommodated.
My youngest has serious anxiety issues and manages these through almost obsessive eating and fitness regimes. I pay for extra food and all the gym fees. Again, I undertake this because I feel he would not be able to cope without these regimes.
I know my behaviour is infantile and irresponsible, but I cannot seem to break the pattern and I know that borrowing from the man who was the perpetrator of the abuse is somehow related to a subconscious urge to hit him where it hurts (he is quite obsessed with money).
I want to gain control over my finances, but I am frightened to make changes that will cause distress to my sons.
My guilt relates to the fact that I did not get my sons out of the situation quickly enough.
I apologise for being too candid, but the overspending is, I feel, related to the context.