Money

[Littlemisssugarplum88]

I'm not really too sure what I expect from this post but I feel I can't talk to anyone in RL and need to get this off my chest...
So I've been with OH for 5 years, we were looking at buying a house together a year and a half ago and when it came to it I found out his credit rating was really poor and he wasn't able to get a mortgage due to lots of missed payments, so I got out a mortgage by myself instead a year ago and he pays half towards everything.
I fell pregnant in January and we were both over the moon. Anyway, I knew he had a bet on the football but didn't know to what extent. When I was 8 months pregnant I found out he had spent £500 in one weekend and lost it; and it was me who had bought everything for the baby. I told him that I can't be in a relationship with someone with a gambling addiction and he promised he would no longer bet and that he would be more sensible with his money. Anyway, baby is now 10 weeks old and I've just found out he's still betting. I'm so angry at him and he can't see that it's a problem.
I just don't know what to do anymore 😢

Leave him. You will have more stress with him than without. You need to be focussing on your baby not this man child. He sounds awful.

What an absolute nightmare. I couldn't live with someone who was so financially irresponsible. It's a trust issue and the consequences of him lying to you about money are massive.

He should move out and pay whatever you think is reasonable for the baby. He can keep a roof over his own head.

I really am getting fed up with it now, I'm just so upset at him and annoyed at myself for believing he would give it up.
I'm not even sure I can afford my mortgage on my own whilst I'm on maternity leave. It's such a mess :(

You need to give him an ultimatum. He gets help for gambling addiction and stops, or he leaves and you claim child support from him.

You should probably take over all financial management and he can only have a cashcard for his budgeted spending money. Some banks now offer cards that you can exclude gambling transactions from. Would that help?

However, whether or not this will work will depend on how determined he is to succeed and how he does his gambling - online or in a shop where he can still gamble using cash.

He's at a crossroads and needs to take the right path now to avoid losing everything.

He can't see he's a gambling problem tho, that's the problem! He said he's cut right down and is only depositing £10 a week into his account online, but I don't even know how true that is? I have absolutely no idea how much he's depositing and he thinks I should just trust what he tells me.
I'm finding it really hard the tackle the subject with him because when I do, he turns it around and says I'm always having a go at him.
I've told him once before that I've really had enough and that I wanted him to leave but then he made loads of effort with me until I changed my mind. I just don't think he takes me seriously at all xx

£10 a week is too much full stop

Well I've said this but he just says there is no problem coz he gives me all the bill money so he can use what he has leftover to spend on what he wants :/ xx

I wouldn't have bought a house alone if I couldn't afford the mortgage alone. His poor credit rating should have been a red flag.

People don't change their spots, it's very wishful thinking that a child makes someone change. They rarely do.

I have a family member who's partner had/has a gambling problem but she didn't want to leave him. They set it up so she controls all finances and he has a set amount of money each month. I thought it was bonkers when I found out their plan but also none of my business. It's working really well for them and they both seem happy. I'm not saying that's what you should do or that it's a healthy suggestion but if you don't want to leave him it would give you a way of feeling secure.
Really feel for you op, I saw the damage it did to my family member and I would be gutted if my dh had a gambling problem

@TheBigBangRocks I can afford my mortgage alone, just not when my pay drops after 6 months. And we didn't have a child to fix anything, I had to go through the fertility clinic to conceive her which begun way before I found out about his credit rating.

@Notsurehowifeel0 ahh I'm glad everything worked out for your friends.
I already have all of our household bills going from my account and he pays me half towards everything.
He's a good man otherwise so he really lets himself down with the gambling side of things xx