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Original poster

What to charge my grown adult children for living at home

67 replies

missc1984 · 10/12/2018 11:03

I'm looking for advice as to what is a reasonable amount that my 2 full time working adult children should be contributing to the household expenditure each month. I am a single working Mum with rent & all the usual bills to pay. My rent is just under £1300 pcm & then I have all my bills on top of that.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 10/12/2018 18:39

You are not doing them any favors allowing them to pay such a pissy amount. Really grit your teeth.

Conversation goes along the lines of option 1 you pay the going rate for a house share locally
Option 2 I move somewhere cheaper and you can either take the house on yourselves or find a house share together.
Option 3 you find your own individual places.

What you choose to do with the money you get is your choice. You can save some for them if you want. But reflect on what you think they'd do for you if circumstances were reversed.

BooLloyd · 10/12/2018 19:11

My 19 and 20 year old son and daughter pay £75/week. It was a third of my daughter's wages when she turned 18, so I charged my son the same amount when he finished college at 20.
I've told them that their rent will go up by 10% every April, so that I don't have to have awkward conversations with them in a few years time if they're both still living here and earning much more.

Original poster
missc1984 · 10/12/2018 20:40

I just don't know how to start the conversation off. I think it will be good to run through their options but they are going to hate me.

OP posts:
MessySurfaces · 10/12/2018 20:46

If they hate you for talking to them about rent then you have bigger problems!
You need to be clear- you can't make ends meet like this. You are happy to carry on with them paying their share, or you can look for somewhere smaller and they can move on. Give them a few weeks to think about it, and then talk again.
Good luck! If you feel like you can't manage it as a chat, maybe start by writing a letter for them, and see if it helps you think it out.

Ragwort · 10/12/2018 20:52

They are clearly taking advantage of you and showing you zero respect. I would suggest making it clear to them what your costs are, what you expect them to pay and if they do not start contributing then you should start looking to downsize & get a smaller, cheaper place for yourself alone. Actually I would think I would be doing that anyway, who wants to live with an adult who is smoking weed in his room, even if it is your son. Sad.

Alicatz66 · 10/12/2018 21:13

They are adults .. please don't worry about this .. if they kick off then they can move out and will soon find you are more than reasonable .. they need to grow up
And realise there are bills to pay ... I don't go for all this putting the money aside and giving it them back for a house deposit ...Once you are an adult you look after your own finances , not act like giant entitled children

Ragwort · 10/12/2018 21:20

Are you a little frightened of your children, it sounds as though you are worried in case they ‘hate you’, remember you are the parent.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/12/2018 21:29

I ask for 15% from wage earners. which means that there is always a clear principle to follow. They buy their own food if they want to cook for themselves.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/12/2018 21:34

They might not like it to start with but once they are paying their way your relationship might improve. I know I feel less annoyed about things like lights being left on or the odd breakage because they are making a contribution.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/12/2018 21:50

Sorry I meant £400 not £300 towards rent plus £200 food and bills so £600 a month total per child.

user1471426142 · 11/12/2018 08:07

You’ve got bigger problems if your son is smoking weed in the house to be honest. That alone would be a reason for me to encourage him to go.

On money, I don’t think it’s fair to charge the going rate for a house share or a random percentage of their wages. For me, the following would be fair: Additional costs (e.g council tax), fair split of bills and food and in your case a portion of your rent as you’re in a bigger place than you need for their benefit.

Pinkyyy · 11/12/2018 08:13

I agree RE the smoking weed in your home. If they are living in your house they need to respect it, i imagine he would be kicked out if he did that in a rented property.

erykahb · 11/12/2018 08:28

When I was younger and earning 15.5k I paid £200 per month, obviously more if I earned a bonus. £400 seems reasonable per child.

I'd be charging your son more if he refused to stop smoking in his bedroom. A lot more. As punishment.

notapizzaeater · 11/12/2018 08:51

I paid a third of my take home pay when I lived at home. Did I like it ? No. But when I left home I wasn't in for a shock like most of my friends.

ScarletAnemone · 11/12/2018 10:28

I sat down with our adult son and wrote down with him all the bills that we had to pay as a household. We own our house so there’s no rent to pay, but I would have included that if there was. We then divided that by the number of people in the house, and worked out what his share was. In our case it came to £50 per week.

If he didn’t agree he could have looked for somewhere else, but after that conversation he had a better understanding of why he had to pay.

I didn’t feel bad about charging him. That’s what a wage is for. It’s not pocket money.

Bestseller · 11/12/2018 10:48

I paid £60 pm from my £4500 salary in 1988 and I also had to pay £120pm in fares.

My parents didn't need the money and have been very generous on occasion since but they thought it was important that I understood that wages need to cover actual costs,.they're not just spending money.

ivykaty44 · 13/12/2018 16:43

Op do you claim UC or housing benefit? Local council tax relief?

If your children are earning up to £136 a week the giver reackins £15 a week rent, up to £200 a week is about £40 and then up to £300 a week is £75 a week or there abouts

If you are on benefits ask how much you’re being deducted for having non dependents living with you?

ivykaty44 · 13/12/2018 16:44

Not giver government sorry

jessstan2 · 13/12/2018 16:56

A proportion of the household bills.

Original poster
missc1984 · 14/12/2018 07:11

Ivykaty44 No I'm not claiming any benefits, just working as many hours as I can to afford to pay all my bills. Is there anywhere That I can read what government recommends for these weekly payments you have mentioned? If so I could show them to back up my arguement for them to be paying more. I would say they both earn at least £300 a week.

OP posts:
donajimena · 14/12/2018 07:59

Stop being so passive. Look for a one bed flat. Find the cost of renting that. Then write your rent down and all the bills. Divide by 3. Tell them unless they increase their contributions you WILL be downsizing.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2018 08:58

Information about housing benefit deductions due to adult non dependents, which includes adult DCs is given here

If they're earning £300 per week, and you get HB, they will deduct £78.

But whether you're claiming benefits or not, £1300 pm rent is huge, and unless you're quite well paid, it's simply unaffordable to pay the rent on a family house all by yourself to house freeloaders working adults.

Why on earth should you struggle, while they have over a grand a month just on spends? They need to pay more, or you need to move on your own to a one bed flat that you can afford.

Also look up the cost of a room in a shared house so they know what a good deal they are getting - that's likely to be a minimum of £3/400 pm plus bills and food.

ivykaty44 · 14/12/2018 11:46

www.charnwood.gov.uk/pages/non_dependant_deductions

This is charnwoods list of non dependant earnings and rates they should pay for either 52 weeks if 48 weeks

It will vary slightly around the country

Jetbet11 · 15/12/2018 07:24

I'm quite shocked reading this ... Missc1984 I don't understand why you're worried about asking for more money. And what kind of people are they if they're happy to watch their mother struggle whilst keeping virtually all their money to themselves as full time working adults? Wow they'll have a hell of a shock when they do finally leave home!
You'll be doing them a favour by telling them (not discussing/suggesting/asking!) that from right now you need X amount each month by standing order otherwise they have a month to pack up and leave. As three working adults surely you should be splitting at least the rent, council tax and service bills three ways??? Buy the food if it makes you feel better but I would say it's the least they could do Angry.
I have two upcoming adults in the next few years and they are already fully aware of their responsibilities financially once they start work. You're doing them no favours by letting them off so lightly.

Ragwort · 15/12/2018 08:42

I asked you before but you didn’t answer, are you frightened of having the discussion with your adult children? They are massively free-loading off you, you need to make it absolutely clear that the rental you are paying is just not sustainable and you will be looking for a cheaper rental in the New Year unless you get a guaranteed, realistic contribution from each of them. Your rent is very high, do you have a suitably high income?