Please advise me - parents have given/lent us some money, can we spend some of it on a holiday

[Debbiethemum]

OK some background.
DH was working for a complete arsehole, very unhappy for a long time and finally resigned a few months ago.
He has been seriously job hunting, but no luck so far.
I got my last retention bonus back in March and that has suplimented my wages so we have only started using the overdraft facility this month. We could cope for another two months (ie he would need to get a job within a month) before things started getting very tight.
Dad called this evening to say that he doesn't want DH to feel he has to take any job going just to pay the bills and end up in another job he hates, so is posting a cheque tomorrow.
They have offered before but I have said we were OK.

This cheque will see us through to Christmas so it does take an enormous weight of my mind.

We have been talking about going camping in Brittany for 2 weeks in August - we have all our own camping gear, so it will be a cheap holiday and would use less than 10% of the cheque.

We haven't booked the holiday yet - well ferry crossing & campsite fees.

But is this a complete abuse of trust and taking advantage of my parents generosity.

We would all benefit from the holiday. DH was very depressed in his last job and it was wonderful to see the happy man I married when he resigned, but he is now getting down again because it is taking so long to find another job.

Sorry this post is so long, but I would value your opinions - dh is out this evening so doesn't know yet.

The presence of interviews is a good thing. Let's hope one of them turns out to be an offer and then you can have a stress free holiday at some point.

Agnes

If you and your dad have such a good relationship that he would send you a cheque to keep your dh out of a crappy job then I think you should say what you have said here

"dad, would I be cheeky if I used some of this for a holiday?" If he goes quiet, or seems offended then you can make a decision to wait until the job situation is more clear.

It's not like it's a widescreen telly or a playstation 3, it's a camping holiday for the whole family.

If your dh gets offered a job he must claim he has a prebooked holiday or you won't get away until next year.

I totally agree with twentypence.
Talk to your parents about it before even buying any brochures ... and I would do one week, not two.

Agree with 20pence, you should ask your dad what he thinks imo. I think if dh gets a job then you can return the money and do what you like. I assume it's a substantial sum if it's enough to keep you going for six months so I think it's only polite to ask.

I would ask your dad what he thinks- sounds like you all need a break.

I would not go abroad however, think it wiuld be more gracious to camp in the uk.

AS someone who's dad has helped them out a lot, i think a holiday would be ok.

I know my dad would do what he could to ensure we were ok and if i said to him can i use x amount to get away for a few days he would be more than happy.

Hope the interviews go well for your dh.
It's a long time till August so fingers crossed something materialises from now until then.

I think whatever happens, you must talk to your father and mother about your holiday plans. They sound like they are kind and approachable and would not get too offended if you used a small proportion of the money for a holiday. After all, it is something for their grandchildren as well as for you. And August IME is not the best time to job hunt as so many people are away.

I think in your shoes, I'd go to Brittany if dh had a job or firm job offer, but if not somewhere in the UK. This means your dh can still do a bit of job hunting here and even go off to interviews if necessary. Harder to do this if you are across the Channel.

And still go for two weeks, if you feel all bases are covered and your parents are OK about it. And I think if you choose a UK camping holiday, they should be OK about it tbh.

Go for 2 weeks - much better value than one and a proper chance to destress - also if the weather is crap for 3 days it doesn't matter so much.

A wise old lady once said to me "there is no point trying to have half a good time"

I think the UK compromise is enough without cutting the actual time back.

Sometimes a holiday/break can mean the difference between continuing to cope.. and going under (emotionally/psychologically). Only you will know if its that necessary or if you could wait until next year and go without guilt or questioning yourself over it.

Agree with others; discuss with your parents. Discuss, discuss, discuss! They sound lovely, understanding and supportive so this shouldn't be a problem.

Then decide.

I would have the holiday.Just because your husband resigned from an awful job doesn't mean you all have to be ounished!No crime has been committed here and everyone is so harsh.Your parents sound like they wouldn't mind.Go and rejuvenate and come back ready to go!

I think, from what you have said, that your parents want you and DH to be happy. Take the holiday! If it makes you feel better "ask" your parents' permission first, but I really don't think you are cheeky!

I was made redundant two weeks before we were due to go to the Maldives and we could have cancelled on insurance, but didn't! As DH and my parents pointed out, we needed the holiday more than ever! Enjoy!

Kerrymum if you haven't had a holiday in ten years I think maybe it could be time one took precendence in your family. You can't get back those childhood years and holidays make lovely memories.

And some holidays don't cost much more than the usual living costs of a week at home. For instance, asking on MN if anyone has a static caravan they'd be willing to rent you cheaply!

(Lots of them do!)

I would advise against asking your parents. It make them think you don't appreciate the 'value' of money or the importance of being ultra careful when times are a bit rough. Even if they say 'go ahead and enjoy yourself' they might be secretly disapointed in you.

Why not go somewhere like Cornwall to camp? Beautiful scenery, fab beaches, kids will love the ice cream and cream teas. Virtually all the best campsites in the country are down there. I can't see that the 'extra's' you might get from being in Brittany will be worth potential parental disappontment, and the ferry costs will be extortionate in August.

Brittany will still be there next year....

Surely if he got a job offer he could start straight away, couldn't that be an advantage which you could lose if you commit to a holiday ? The money wasn't offered on the basis of you doing whatever with it, it was to tied you over, so I think no, pare down you plans and stay nearer to home this year.

What nice parents you have!

Take the holiday in Brittany. Sounds like it'll give you a real chance to unwind and build some lovely holiday memories.

I don't think you need to discuss it with your parents either.
If they've given you the money, then it's yours to spend how you like.
If they've only lent you the money, then the same applies, only more so as you will be paying it back.

My thoughts are as follows:

It's not as if your DP packed in his job on a whim and you've gone straight to parents to help you out. You have managed for quite a few months on your own and would probably manage ok until DP finds another job.

Your Dad offered the money as he is concerned and wants the best for you all (that is sooo lovely of him and your Mum of course)

You want to go camping in France for 2 weeks not go to Fiji for a month.

If it was me I would ask the parents, as a courtesy, if they minded if some of the money was spent on a much needed break as it is their money. However they sound as if they just want the best for you and if it was my daughter in the same situation I'd want them to go and have a good time.

They may be pleased to see you and your family getting some benefit out of your inheritance while they're still around too.

To be honest I would probably leave it a few weeks before even raising the issue. The holiday isn't the priority here, but your dh's job seeking is. The way I would look at it is to let him continue the job search and when he finds one then that is the time to nip off on holiday. Tbh just the fact that he is now under less financial pressure whould help to lift dh. I think holidays and especially time away from work can be very important, but actually dh's job hunt is more important right now. He may also want to use some moeny in updating skills etc if the search continues to be tricky.

Hmm this is tricky, like you say its only going to take a small amount for holiday, its not like youre using it all to go to the Maldives or anything.

My mum pays for our holiday every year as she believes that its very important that everyone gets time out and I agree, the two weeks we have just had made a huge difference to us.

I would use the small amount for the hol, then use the rest for nessecity (sp?) and tell your parents just so they dont get pissed off when you go on hols

We'd booked and paid for a trip to Orlando (had a huge backpayment of Tax Credits) but hadn't told my mum, because she'd have expected to come with us.

She then out of the blue sent us a large cheque "towards our bathrooms" because we'd just had to have them refitted, and although DH did all the work and the fittings were all cheap Homebase & B&Q it still cost a bomb.

Of course she then assumed we'd used her money for the holiday and was very frosty with us, even once we'd explained about the tax credits.

Depends what your parents are like but I'd run it past them first.

How amazing of your parents! My dh was made redundant (company shut down) a few years ago, and my mum pretty much ignored us for awhile because she was frightened we would ask for money!! If they are that wonderful that they don't want your dh to get "any old job" (i can't get over that! How amazingly lovely) then they sound like they may be open to a holiday. I would feel terrible going for 2 weeks and abroad though. Even though its camping, things can still be expensive. I would talk to them. Just tell them how guilty you feel, but that you are torn because your dh needs a break and i'm sure your dc do too. You are so lucky to have such thoughtful and generous parents!! Good Luck!!

Thanks again for all your thoughts.
Yes, my parents are pretty wonderful (and were even before they offered the cheque).

I will not mention anything about holidays for a week or two. You never know DH might have a job offer by then - his interview today seemed to go very well and they want him to think things over during the weekend and call them on Monday and DH was very enthusiastic about the job & setup there. Fingers crossed.

DH has been letting these companies know about our holiday dates. The dates are not really negotiable (we have our holiday then or not at all) as I have booked my time off & holiday clubs for the children on the other dates also we are stuck with school holidays and booked for the annual family reunion for the August bank holiday.

If DH gets a job starting in July (ie a pay day before August 8th) we can pay the parents back and go to Brittany, just will have to be very sensible when we come back.

If he doesn't get either this job or the one that he is being interviewed for on Friday. We will have to play it by ear and I will chat to them about a break in the UK.

I am worried that DH is getting depressed about all of this and if he gets a break it will be really good for him. I could do with it as well, as I am finding it hard work trying just to stay positive & encouraging. It is because we could really do with the break that I am even cotemplating it.

Thanks for all of your opinions, it has really helped me think things through.

A break in the UK would be as expensive as living at home if you budgeted carefully. If you go somewhere you like you could always get your husband to have a look at local job opportunities as well, see if anything looks worthy.

Agnes