Husband has hid debt

[Cameron2012]

I am devastated, my husband told me yesterday that he has run up a £16k debt on loans and credit cards, I had no idea, I feel so stupid.
We have a joint bank account which I manage both of our wages go in there and each month I go through our financial situation with him.
About ten years ago he ran up a debt gambling we sorted it out and paid it off I told him if he ever did anything like that again we would be over.That is when I took over the finances and he had a weekly allowance.
I thought we were ok, recently he was ill and has been on sick leave I juggled the very little money we had coming in and even managed to save a little, now this.
I havnt looked at what the money has gone on , the one statement I did see contained rows of interest payments, this has been going on for three or four years.He has been taking cash off the credit card to pay the credit card.
Tbh I walked out I couldn’t face it all last night and slept in the spare room when I got home.
We can sort out the financial side of this, but I don’t know how the marriage can continue.
He is my life and I am so hurt, he has acted so selfishly, he has jeopardised my financial security, our marriage and our future.
What the hell do I do now?

Sorry the drip.the house is in my name and all the debt is in his name

What is he doing about it.

I am a 20 year+ gambling addict, I am currently 580 days gamble free, the longest I have ever been.

Do not bail him out, do not make the decisions for him. Do not try and be his rescuer you will actually only enable him further. this is not your fault, you did not cause it and you can not cure it. Have a look at gamcare, for yourself and look in the friends and family section.

The sad thing is I have done everything he has done, probably more. At times ive gambled £20 cash drawn from a credit card that has probably ended up costing me hundreds, by the time it escalates to payday loans and then default markers on your credit file, it is relentless, I spend much of my adult life telling myself I wasn't gambling that much, it was all interest and charges - in fairness there was a lot of that but it was all systematic of gambling. Sometimes even making purchases to justify my lack of money - I could go on and on but you need to protect yourself and I'd start by getting copies of your credit reports (all three main ones) and I will financially disassociate from your dh - you don't have to make any decisions about your future relationship just now so be kind to yourself and give yourself time to think, above all though don't believe a word he says unless you see it for your own eyes.

(even then be cautious, I created a fake bank statement once to fool my mum into thinking it was a banking error so she would lend me some money for an 'emergency car repair')

Thankyou for your reply, I am going to go through all the statements over the next couple of days, the couple I looked at had no evidence of gambling in them , a couple of Morrison’s transactions and Pizza Hut were the only things apart from the rows of interest.when I’ve had a look I will have a better idea of what I am dealing with.Clearly 16k hasn’t gone on Pizza.
I will check out gamecare.
I rescued him last time so I know he has to work out how to pay this himself but his wage is so low that he will be unable to pay it all himself.
I have checked my credit and it is good, I have also checked the credit card that I have for deposits on holidays etc and there is no balance.
I told him before I left last night that he needed to think how he was going to sort this out, I will be interested to see what he comes up with.
I also asked if there was anything else he had to tell me about, he said there isn’t .
How can I ever believe another word that comes out of his mouth?

Huge sympathies, OP.

The truth is you can’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth until he has addressed his addiction fully, properly and long term. That is the characteristic of addiction: his relationship with gambling iover rides his relationship with you.

PP GamblingAddict has been honest in a very helpful way.

I would immediately seek advice on how to financially dissociate yourself from your DH and protect yourself.

He may or may not seek the advice and professional help that saves him from going under, and you have no way to change trol that. What you can control is whether or not he takes you down with him.

All strength to you.

Hi, I see you've checked the statements - that's great for the ones you know about.....hence using credit files as a starting point, I was bailed out once many moons ago - I genuinely forgot about another credit card I had opened, so much had been made out of, there is no more money, we can't help you again (family) that I convinced myself I had no choice but to not say anything (addiction talking) soon that x debt turned into xxx and the cycle was well and truly in the swing of things again

I don't mean to scaremonger at all, just trying to be practical. if you do check out gamcare, look out for posts by Lethe, Cycnical Wife, ODAAT and MerryGoRound - all talk a lot of sense, quite bluntly but from a friends and family perspective.
best wishes

Thankyou for your replies, I am off to work now but will read everything when I get home.
Thankyou again x

I have spoken to him, I have told him I want him to take his name off our joint account and that I want separate finances, that he can spend tomorrow working out how he can pay it back ( he isn’t at work), that I want to see his Expedia, his bank , loans and credit cards accounts they will stay in his name and he can make the payments but I can access them at any time.I will also access his credit reports at any time.
I have said that when he has all this in place I will discuss wether I want to stay married to him and that he will just have to put up with my anger.. tough.
He started crying which I have only seen a couple of times in nearly 20 years, he asked me not to give up on us and that he will do anything he has to to put things right.I told him I will never trust him again and that he has cheated on me, he has lied to me for years and that I don’t know what I want to do. He is going to have to wait until I decide if we have a future.
I have also said that until then I consider us housemates and that I will be civil to him.
God knows what the money went on, he says it isn’t gambling.I will go through the statements tomorrow.

Hi, thanks for updating us, what does he say it’s been spent on? Sounds like an addiction either way

Unless he is actually tackling it, head on then he is likely to just be manipulating you, at least trying to. He may not even realise he is doing it.

Not all poor credit companies use Expedia/Experian?, in fact many don’t so Experian (via MSE) noodle and equifax - free versions should be enough.
Thought it all i prided myself on never lying, just deflection and omissions, in hindsight I did cross the line, multiple times I just lost track of reality.

OP juts wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. No advice except well done for dealing with this head on & being clear to him this may be a dealbreaker.

Do you have RL support?