Family finances

[Fieldsofcabbages]

I'm wrestling with what is fair in this situation and could do with some suggestions.

DP and I both work and we have a DS aged 18 months. DP works 5 days a week and I work 4. DS goes to nursery the 4 days I am at work and is with me on the 5th day. Having DS one day a week is completely my choice and I love spending the day with him. I could go full time if I wanted but I don't want to.

We have always had a joint account out of which we pay all household expenses including DS's nursery fees. DP and I have historically always paid the same amount in each month to the joint account except when I was on maternity leave. Our full time earnings are broadly the same as one another. Whatever is left over after we have paid into the joint account is ours to spend individually as we wish.

Now that I am working only 4 days compared to DP's 5 I am earning less. I am also obviously saving us as a family the cost of a 5th day of childcare.

Should I therefore be paying less than him each month into the joint account. Should I be paying 4/5ths of the amount he pays?

I am obviously also losing out in terms of my disposable income as I have less left over to spend on myself than he does. Is there a solution to this or should I just suck it up as it's my choice to have DS for that 5th day?

It wouldn't work for us to pool all of our earnings and then take out equal amounts to spend on ourselves so what is the best/fairest solution you can come up with?

Can you pay the same as DP, minus what you are saving on childcare? That would seem fair to me.

Dontknowwhatimdoing I hadn't considered that as an option. That might work. I earn more than it costs to send DS to nursery but still I can see the logic in it.

You should absolutely not just suck it up as you want to spend the day with DS.

I work 3 days and my DP 5 days. I earn more than him full time but obviously less now and he puts more in our joint account as a result. We try to make sure we are left with a roughly similar amount of spending money each month.

It wouldn't work for us to pool all of our earnings and then take out equal amounts to spend on ourselves so what is the best/fairest solution you can come up with?

Why? Genuinely interested. This is certainly the fairest thing to do.

We pool our money then take equal spends but this is only on paper (excel). In reality and for historic reasons, DH gets paid into his own account, I get paid into our joint account (& on different dates) so there's lots of money juggling and transferring here and there for a day or so and I produce a new spreadsheet every month with updated figures on it then we have a big sum in the joint account for the bills then an equal spends amount each.

Also, your DH should be supporting you in enabling your child to have some time at home with a parent even if that's not him!

You create a spreadsheet of family outgoings. Ours includes everything. Phones, gym, petrol, savings, childcare, debt. What's left is divided by 2. This is your own money, no questions asked. It's brilliant.

jjemimapuddleduck it wouldn't work because we are both self employed so our monthly income varies. We also both have to pay out for various work expenses that again vary month by month.

Ok, could you pay yourselves a salary which is roughly the same every week or month?

If we had normal jobs in the sense of being employed rather than self employed then I would definitely adopt the spreadsheet option- pool our income and pay ourselves an equal amount out each month. It just wouldn't work for us unfortunately so I think we will probably have to go for either the 4/5ths option or the I pay what he pays less the childcare costs of day 5 option. Either way it doesn't really address my lower disposable income point but does at least go some way to balancing us out.

What is it your decision only to go down to 4 days? Does your oh also wishes he could do the same? If he sees it a luxury that you get to enjoy and he doesn't, it would explain why he feels it is fair he has more disposable income for his working 5 days, otherwise maybe he could also go down to 4 days, have your ds on that day and then you'd both have to make concessions.

Can you not pay a % rather than a fixed amount?
This is what DP & I do, I work 4 days to DP's 5 and even though my kids are now in school, I use that day for food shopping, cleaning etc also do things for myself!

I know from previous conversations I have had not many people work it like me but we have 1 joint account and 1 savings account. We both get paid a similar salary each year. I get paid big bonuses every quarter but my monthly salary is slightly less but makes up for it with big bonuses. We have 1 account, both get paid into it, all bills go out of it and all spends on both sides go out of it. If we are a couple, own a house together etc etc I dont see how I could see my money as mine only if that makes sense. We never argue over money, I buy what I like (usually puppy toys) and he does what he likes. We both work equally as hard!

and can I also add - I am sure being a parent 1 day a week is more tiring than actually being at work. I would class that as working 5 days a week

We are both self employed and pool resources, and take equal amounts of fun money out. It's totally doable.
It's easier since we started using YNAB (budgeting software). We make sure we put money against all of the crucial household costs (tax, bills, food, nursery), then put some against the nearly crucial ones (pensions, stuff for the kids, home maintenance etc), and lastly the fun stuff (gifts, personal spending, family fun money etc). So if one of us gets paid in a big wodge, (looking at you, client who seems to save invoices up all blinking year...) that person might tick off a whole month of costs in one go, Woo hoo! (Including the other persons fun money). And as little payments come in they just go against whatever is most urgent (so next month's rent for instance).