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Original poster

Bills allowance from dh

49 replies

Ijustlovesnow · 28/10/2018 07:40

How much does your dh contribute to the house. If you own the home and dh not on the mortgage does he contribute or do you just pay it all?
My dh gives me £250 a week and an extra £50 food allowance. I pay for everything including clothing, Christmas, birthdays and holidays or days out and I'm starting to get tired of paying for everything. We have 4 kids. He works and earns a great deal more that me and he also has money to himself every week but I'm left with nothing at all. I have to have a job that works round my children. Not entitled to tax credits as he earns to much. I do get child benefit paid in to my account. If there is a problem in the house he always tells my it's not his problem and that the landlord should sort it. I own the house so I guess he means me!! 🤔😔 opinions please 🙂

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 28/10/2018 08:18

Total up the bills
Include everything
Clothing shoes food kids school stuff clubs etc and show him
Hard facts

He should be treating all of you to days out and help with holiday

Land lords don't give free hoilidays
Neither do landlord clothe their children

Original poster

Ijustlovesnow · 28/10/2018 08:26

Thanks all.
I'm going to try showing him again what's coming in and what's going out. Fingers cross he gets a better understanding. ☺

OP posts:

Livingloving · 28/10/2018 08:27

So you pay about half each of the living costs but you earn less than him?

Randomusername01 · 28/10/2018 08:29

I think being married or not is a red herring. He has moved in with you and had children with you. Presumably if you were separated you would be entitled to tax credits and csa and would probably be in a much better financial position. He is a cocklodger in my opinion. All money should go in one pot and any leftover split fairly. Or if not that then bills should be split re ratio with each of your incomes so you both have some money left over. Atm you are barely struggling to pay all the bills with his pithy contribution whilst he has a huge amount of money spare every week.

Cric · 28/10/2018 08:31

Talking to friends we all do it differently.

We have a joint account, work out what we need for the month. Anything left over gets split in half and that is our free money for the month. We don't earn the same money.

PurpleWithRed · 28/10/2018 08:32

He sounds more like a lodger with benefits than a father and partner to me. It also sounds as if you don't really trust each other long term, despite having two children together. Any reason why you haven't married/gone into a civil partnership and made a public, legal commitment to each other?

But at least if you split up he won't have a claim on the house.

DonnaDarko · 28/10/2018 08:32

As you're not married, and he's not on the mortgage, I don't think he should be paying half of that as if you split, he has very little rights.

But I think everything else should be split evenly.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 28/10/2018 08:36

I really don't think marital status can be described as a red herring, when it has such a significant impact on his entitlement to any of the house. If they were married, in the event of a split it would be included in the pot of assets and he'd in all likelihood get a share.

It seems a very weird setup OP. You're the one with the asset, he's the one with the money. I don't think it's equitable for one partner to have all the spending money, but I don't think it's equitable for one to have sole ownership of the home either, not when you've been together that long and had kids.

timeisnotaline · 28/10/2018 08:36

I don’t think he should be paying half your mortgage but he should be paying at least half of all other costs - perhaps a split proportional to income. I too would stop paying for him on days out if he has money to spare and you don’t.

jackio2205 · 28/10/2018 08:37

Money is always a tricky one, because sometimes things can go unaccounted for, like takeways, meals out, days out, holidays, who pays for them? In general were pretty equal but i pay for infrequent bit things and hubby pays for frequent small things x

confusedmomm · 28/10/2018 08:48

We had a similar situation. It came to a head when I explained it for the 10th time and said that if he didn't start contributing more we would have to part ways. That's when it finally clicked in his head. First off any repairs at home should be 50/50. He would be paying a lot more living elsewhere surely?
Presents / bdays / Christmas should be 50/50 even if that's just for the two shared kids (it shouldn't be, but that would still be a step towards being more acceptable).
Make a list of outgoings and earnings both monthly and yearly ones plus make sure you add on X allowance for presents, trips etc and only then bring it to him and say based on this and this you need to be contributing X.

Mishappening · 28/10/2018 08:54

The day we married we created a joint bank account containing all our joint money and trusted each other to spend wisely. If a big expenditure is on the cards, we discuss it - otherwise we just trust each other.

I would not be with anyone where there was insufficient level of trust not to simply pool our resources completely.

Randomusername01 · 28/10/2018 09:10

I don't understand why he shouldn't have to pay towards the mortgage just because he is not on it. He is still living there and benefiting from the roof over his head. Op have you considered moving house and keeping your own house as a rental? That way you could each have an equal stake in any future home.

bubbles108 · 28/10/2018 09:14

Fingers cross he gets a better understanding. ☺

Oh .... I think you'll find he knows exactly what he's doing and his understanding is crystal clear

cansu · 28/10/2018 09:20

Work out actual cost of food and bills for all of you. Divide in two. Work out contribution to mortgage given he would have to pay at least for a room somewhere. Work out cost of child care, kids clothes etc and then type it all up and ask him for his proper contribution. If he doesn't want to pay maybe he should get his own property and pay maintenance for the kids.

swingofthings · 29/10/2018 12:27

£2150 a month not including food? Something doesn't sound right. This is very high for two adults and two children and a small mortgage.

Does this include debts? How old are your children? Could you really not increase your hours?

GreenTulips · 29/10/2018 12:42

I don’t think he should be paying half your mortgage

Wonder if a landlord would see it that way?

ivykaty44 · 29/10/2018 13:12

Landlords actually do sometimes give 4 weeks in the year when tenants don’t have to pay rent - I only know of social housing association landlords doing this - but it does happen.

Tbh op I think your outgoings are really high
Your oh puts in over half of the monthly outgoings

You have choices, change jobs and earn more, put up with not having much money.

Stripyhoglets1 · 29/10/2018 15:08

So he gets to keep at least 1k a month for his own use when you have nothing to use for yourself. Ask him why he thinks that's fair? He should be paying more for food so you have some spending money for yourself as well.

outreach29 · 30/10/2018 09:43

Tbh op I think your outgoings are really high.Your oh puts in over half of the monthly outgoings.You have choices, change jobs and earn more, put up with not having much money

Really? Her outgoings are not that high - considering there are 6 people living in the house and still paying £500 a month mortgage. Council tax gas and electricity, water bills running a car and then food for 6 people (teenagers eat A LOT) I think outgoings sounds perfectly normal. Unless you want to eat pasta and beans only every night.

Her partner sounds as tight as a duck's arse.

Howhot · 30/10/2018 09:52

How is giving her £300 a week tight!? If he earns 40k, that's more then half his take home pay. He's not on the mortgage and it's ops house.

SwizzelsFizzers · 30/10/2018 14:03

He should buy a house in his own name. If you split he would have nothing. A BTL and overpay the mortgage would be a starting point.

Is he saving his money as he has no assets? I think if this were reversed people would be advising a woman to ideally get married but if not to start saving money in their name only.

Alwayscheerful · 30/10/2018 14:46

What is the £50 food allowance supposed to cover?

Shopping for 6? school dinners? Packed lunches? entertaining family and friends? Beer & wine? cleaning products, toiletries, toilet rolls?

I would start with your shopping bill let him cover that first and then contribute an "allowance " very 1950s! towards everything else.

Who pays for school trips etc and days out?

swingofthings · 30/10/2018 16:35

The two older children are not in FT education so surely they should be working any contributing towards their keep. May e that's the issue he has, not want to give his worked money to go on two adult children who are not contributing anything.

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