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Money matters

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Original poster

Money management help

11 replies

Augustend · 01/10/2018 12:53

Hi there,

I hope you can help me on that one. I’m married with 2 dcs, we live in expensive area of London. I have a well paid job and dh less so. The way we do with money : we put the same amount in the joint account but I pay for all the extras, think lunches out, take away, kids stuff etc...at the end of the month if there is left over, it all goes to dh. Is that fair ? I have a big birthday coming in 3 months and I feel under pressure to pay more in the bank account so he can afford to treat me to something.

OP posts:

frecklefox · 01/10/2018 13:28

Only you can say if that's fair or not - but I feel like you've come here to ask because you don't feel it is...

It's your financial arrangement, what you and DH do with your money is between you. If you're not comfortable giving him what's left at the end of the month or feel you're paying for too much, talk to him about it. Probably best to talk sooner rather than later before any resentment starts festering too...

You and DH both know he won't be "treating you to something" with the money you put in the joint account, why not accept whatever gift he chooses with love within his budget for you and buy yourself something posh if you feel you need it?

Original poster

Augustend · 01/10/2018 13:42

Freckle- you are right...most of the time I really don't mind but today I'm feeling down about it. I also the majority of the housework, food shopping, meal planning and the kids don't help even if we have a system in place. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I want to leave them all to it.

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 01/10/2018 13:50

Do you have another account each too ? As you have said you put money into the joint account ?

frecklefox · 01/10/2018 14:11

@Augustend - get to the bottom of whatever it is that's making you feel down about it today in particular, sounds like there's something else bothering you which is making this matter more than it usually would. Ask your family for help, you can't be everything all the time

19lottie82 · 01/10/2018 16:03

Ihave a big birthday coming in 3 months and I feel under pressure to pay more in
the bank account so he can afford to treat me to something.

Fuck! That!

Seriously?

Don’t even think about it. He should have been putting money aside each month if he wants to get you a big present. DO NOT pay for it yourself.

Original poster

Augustend · 02/10/2018 08:55

I resent him so much for this situation. I work so much and look after the house and make the majority of the meals. I can't enjoy my own money because after we pay the bills we have little left and I pay for a lot of extras and I buy pretty much nothing for myself. I'm so angry and sad and frustrated to be in that situation. I'm never at the receiving end of a treat he bought himself. I was going to give him all the money left at the end of the month so he could afford a birthday gift for me but yes you are right, he could have tried to save but he didn't. How can we recover from that. I'm so angry

OP posts:

specialsubject · 02/10/2018 10:02

not money, is it? sounds like you cant afford treats anyway, so an adult discussion is needed about finance, savings and plans.

MaverickSnoopy · 02/10/2018 10:20

Well we pool ALL of our money together and out of it budget for bills, travel costs, food, kids clothes, haircuts, Christmas/birthdays and anything that we know we'll need to spend out on during the year. Money is accrued in a separate bank account for anything that's not bills or food. Then anything left is split equally. Would this not work for you? It's means that we're both equally contributing to the household and both getting the same as each other.

Original poster

Augustend · 02/10/2018 11:56

But if I earn twice as him plus being responsible for the majority of housework and kids. It's not really fair, no. The total bill is a certain amount + planned purchase. I work more hours, I shouldn't have to give away all the money I earn surely ?

OP posts:

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 02/10/2018 12:25

Hi OP, I think the money issue - which sounds very unfair to you - is a symptom of a bigger problem in your relationship. From the little you have told us, your DH sounds lazy and entitled and this goes far deeper than just money.

I think you should get this moved over to
the Relationships board, or else start a separate thread there too if you still want to get the excellent financial advice MNttrs provide on this board.

notapizzaeater · 02/10/2018 12:57

There's nothing wrong with your money management, it's your oh that's the problem. ...

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