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Original poster

Help me curb my spending!!!!

22 replies

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:16

I'm a SAHM with a love of shopping! I'm not awful in that I'm not going out every week on shopping sprees, but DH says he gets stressed out as I can't seem to stick to our budget. So we take out a sum of money at the beginning of each week for me to buy groceries, stuff for the house etc. It's a decent amount and yet I still seem to go over. Also he wants me to factor in online shopping so ideally, if I buy something online then take less money out each week. There seems to be so much we 'need'. The list is never ending and there's always something new. It's not always essentials -i.e. I bought a jumper de-bobbler off Amazon but my old jumpers look horrendous so rather than throwing them out I bought one. But I also want to buy a cat bed for my kittens,......shelves for the lounge.....the kids need base layers....etc etc.

Any ideas on how I can rein it in? And show DH I can be frugal and careful with money? I think the problem is, even though we're careful and don't use our cards to pay for everything, I have this big wedge of money at the beginning of the week which makes me feel like we're rich then suddenly things crop up like -a new lock needed for the back door or a cat needs to go to the vet and I've gone and spent that money on lipstick or a new top!

We do have cash in the bank for things but the point is DH is trying to get us to stick to a budget so we can save for holidays and to do our garden etc.

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:20

For example this week it's only Tuesday and I've spent £60 in Aldi (needed) £20 in TKMaxx, £13 in Sainsbos (extras I couldn't get in Aldi), and £30 in Boots (hair dye, kids vitamins, sanitary pads - and ok yes a lipstick!), and £3 in Pets at Home on catfood. Problem is I usually get our weekly cash out on a Monday but this weekend I went out with friends on Saturday night so got it early, then paid for night out, then went to Waitrose on Sunday for food for sunday dinner etc too and suddenly I don't have that much left for the week.

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anotherangel2 · 25/09/2018 13:21

I think you need to both look at your budget together and decided what is sensible. I would also suggest you have your own monthly spending money to spend on you.

Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:22

the £20 in TKMaxx was for presents for other people, plus some small food containers...yep can never have too many of those!

I get anxious and stressed too when I realise I'm low on cash....I'm my own worst enemy!!

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:22

I am looking for a job so maybe that'll help when I don't have all this free time....

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sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 25/09/2018 13:27

Write shopping lists and stick to them. I do an Asda home delivery twice a month,go to home bargains once a month (toiletries, cleaning stuff) and go to Lidl every week for nappies, veg etc.
Amazon is my weakness, esp during night feeds. So I put items in to my wish list and think about them rather than just buying straight away. I find that half the time I don't end up buying the stuff!
You need a budget for treats.

Want2bSupermum · 25/09/2018 13:27

You need to sit down with your DH and build your budget together. DH and I have done Financial Peace University twice now and it really helped us learn how to budget. Yes it's religious and I'm not Christian BUT it works and through our local church it was super cheap (here in the US I paid $88 this time and previously paid $52). The course includes 9 lessons you attend which are 2 hours each. 2nd time around we had kiddies so made it our date night.

Reading your OP, there are so many things 'wrong' with how you as a couple are managing your money. There is a better way and Dave Ramsey has worked really well for us.

Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:39

anotherangel2 I guess I just feel like I shouldn't be buying stuff for me so having a budget for it seems indulgent, but then I spend money on myself anyway I suppose. DH doesn't want to buy stuff for the house or himself (He will do one or two big shops a year for clothes and be done with it)

I feel a lot of guilt because I don't work, and I'm not contributing to the money coming in - just spending it!

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:40

Want2bsupermum I live in the UK so not sure we could do that course?

DH is good with money/does spreadsheets etc and works out everything so I don't think he needs the help, it's just me!

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 13:42

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch I do actually- I do a shopping list every week- go to Aldi for most of it then Tesco usually for any extras. I'm also trying to go to the market to reduce my plastic waste but that's not going great as it's just another morning out I need to do...with the temptation of going to other shops nearby.

I also menu plan and try and use up old food before buying new.

Yeah perhaps we need to think about a treat budget....

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grannyscobwebs · 25/09/2018 14:02

Do you think you'd feel differently if you had earned the money? Were you as spendy when you were earning a wage.

Just really try to cut down on the things you don't need...maybe keep a few quid aside from your budget each week and use that to buy non essentials at the end of each month?

Want2bSupermum · 25/09/2018 14:03

sunshine The principles are universal. Doesn't matter what country you are in. Look on FB and join one of the big groups. Just ignore the religious stuff if it isn't for you!

Both you and your DH need to work on your budget together. You know what the DC need and how much it costs. Your DH probably doesn't know or thinks you can get away with spending less on lower quality things which cost far more in the long run. Right now your DH has financial goals. You are along for the ride with no idea where you are going.

I also don't think you have so much of a money issue. Why do you have this 'need' to buy a lipstick? Are you doing it to make yourself feel better? If so, why do you feel down? What can you change to not feel down that doesn't involve burning through cash? Seriously, I'm just getting to the end of my lipstick that I've had for more than 5 years. I wear it daily. I have 2 other lipsticks I use and they are both over 2 years old.

Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 14:10

grannyscobwebs I think I'd feel more entitled to spend on myself if I was earning too? I know he earns money for all of us but perhaps I know deep down I'm frittering it away on non-essentials. I love interior design, I love fashion so naturally I want those things. I want the house to look nice- I always have new ideas for things to add. And yeah I was the same when I had a job.

Want2bsupermum I just fancied a new colour. I don't buy them that often (although I admit I've bought too many nail varnishes recently) I just like new makeup - it cheers me up/gives me a buzz I suppose. I'm not 'down' as such though struggling to motivate myself to do anything now the kids are at school. I should be cleaning and tidying the house every day but I guess I feel like that's so dull so I go out instead....find excuses to pop to the shops for something....

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 25/09/2018 14:45

I like doing crafts. Perhaps I should get my arse in gear, do my housework then spend some 'me' time doing something creative. Who knows, the satisfaction of doing it may be enough to stop me trying to get a buzz spending in the shops.....

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Want2bSupermum · 25/09/2018 20:48

You sound bored. Find a hobby that doesn't cost money. Do some volunteer work. Get involved in your local community. I always imagined it would be hard for me to stay motivated and focused as a SAHM once the DC are in school. All the jobs left you are tedious and are tasks no one else wants to do or the DC are too small/immature for.

Viviennemary · 26/09/2018 18:46

Are you working. If not why not consider getting a job a few hours a week to earn extra money rather than cutting down because everyone does like little treats. it doesn't sound to me that you are extravagant just that you don't really have any money for extras such as hair dyes and lipsticks. It's all very well to fritter away a bit of money if you have extra but quite serious if you are on a tight budget. you just can't afford to.

LadyLapsang · 26/09/2018 20:59

It doesn't sound like you spend much. Is your husband declaring his razors and shaving foam if you are declaring your tampons and a cheap lipstick. If the children are at school, get a job.

swingofthings · 27/09/2018 07:21

I agree that having too much time on your hands is a killer. I found my spending half when I changed jobs and ended up in the middle of nowhere so no shopping at lunchtime and was too tired and busy in the evenings/weekends to want to go out again or spend much time online shopping.

Out needs didn't change though so it made me realise how much I spent on non essentials even though before I was convinced that most of my shopping was for needed items.

RedSkyLastNight · 27/09/2018 12:18

I'd suggest working through a proper budget with DH and splitting it out.

At the moment you seem to have one sum of money to spend on a multitude of things.

Food is clearly an essential - is the amount budgeted for this realistic?
Same for toiletries, children's clothes, pet food ...
Do you (as a family) have enough money to cover all your essentials (realistically budgeted for)?
I'd suggest that you assign yourself a sum of money for things you "want" not need - so the lipstick and the de-bobbler. When it's gone, it's gone - back to essentials only.

Original poster

sunshine05 · 28/09/2018 07:39

swingofthings yes I think you're right! I convince myself these things are 'essential' but they're probably not! And yeah if I'm working at least that's a couple of days a week I can't 'spend' then I'll just allow myself 1 day to go out for food shopping/other bits so I'm not browsing the shops a couple of days a week

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 28/09/2018 07:41

Want2besupermum yes I think I do need something else to occupy my time! I'm applying for jobs at the moment so hopefully I'll get a balance of work/home and less time to spend money!

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Original poster

sunshine05 · 28/09/2018 07:44

RedSkyLastNight food varies though we usually spend around £60-70 at Aldi and up to £30 at Tesco per week (we're a family of 5 and I have to buy gf stuff so it's a bit pricey sometimes)

thanks for the advice, I'll try and split the money up into 'wants' and 'other essentials' etc. I think I do have enough, I just sometimes fritter it away on non-essentials like something nice I see in TKMaxx for example! Sometimes for the house sometimes for me or someone else

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Oly5 · 28/09/2018 17:47

Why don’t you get a job? I work in a good job and also see the kids. There is money for all the things you are talking about - holidays, clothes, things the kids need, lovely trips they will remember forever.
It’s fab!
If you want a certain lifestyle then find a way to fund it through work

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