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Original poster

Feel like I’m drowning...

31 replies

Sadsoul18 · 24/09/2018 20:10

Pay day last Friday (I have a professional job and am a single parent) and there’s literally none left. Mortgage, bills and then debts mean I’m struggling every month. I borrowed from a family member to pay off my overdraft (£2 a day interest) and I’ve had to use it again. When I’ve working out my incomings, it leaves literally nothing left over. I clearly need to earn more but not really sure what I can do. I’ve looked at reducing non-essentials like sky but I’m tied in for another year. Any suggestions will will be gratefully heard. 😞

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 24/09/2018 20:12

You need to contact Step Change and see if they can help you. My friend's husband volunteers for them and loves it - he says it's fantastic seeing people look so relieved when they're helped.

Singlenotsingle · 24/09/2018 20:16

Mortgage, utilities, food and travel are all priority. After that, bills and debts but like pp said, you need advice on how to deal with them.

nannynick · 24/09/2018 20:16

List out all your expenses. Keep a track of every penny you spend.

nannynick · 24/09/2018 20:16

List out all your expenses. Keep a track of every penny you spend.

nannynick · 24/09/2018 20:19

Can you do more work in your existing job? Weigh up doing that vs the cost of childcare and less time spent with your child/children.

nzeire · 24/09/2018 20:22

God, I’ve been there and it’s awful. Can you sell anything? Rent a room? Remortgage?

Original poster
Sadsoul18 · 24/09/2018 20:31

I’ve literally cut down everything I can. I feel so foolish that I’ve ended up here. I could perhaps try renting out a room, but it’s tiny (literally room for a single bed). I’ve taken on as much more as available. Is there anything I could do from home in an evening? Thank you for your replies

OP posts:
Unescorted · 24/09/2018 20:36

Shuffle over to the Frugaleers (credit crunch) and TIPs debt (money matters) threads. There is loads of good advice and support on both

blue25 · 24/09/2018 20:38

Anything you can eBay? Surveys? Do you have any unused nectar/boots points you can use for groceries/toiletries? Could you rent out your drive/spare room?

DailyMailcanfuckthefuckoff · 24/09/2018 20:44

Are there any language schools near you? Could you become a host parent? A single bed wouldn't matter.

HollowTalk · 24/09/2018 23:51

What are your debts? I mentioned Step Change above - have you heard of it? It's a way of getting companies to reduce their interest so that you pay a manageable amount. You can't go on like this, OP.

Original poster
Sadsoul18 · 25/09/2018 05:08

The problem is, other than my huge overdrafts, my main debt is to a family member. They helped me with a deposit when I purchased my house but the repayments are quite high (although interest free). I think I’ve just over-stretched myself. Also, my utility bills are significantly higher since moving too which makes was a surprise. I hate how hard im having to work to still be so poor 😢 I had a look at the step change website, thank you. The huge issue for me is that I can’t not repay the debt to my family member. It wouldn’t be fair.

OP posts:
CallMeRachel · 25/09/2018 05:19

It sounds as if you simply can't afford the home you're in. Can you rent it out and live elsewhere with cheaper bills? Or sell?

Do you drive to work? If so register with Liftshare.com and maybe get payment for taking someone in your car going the same way?

You mention your a single parent, what role does your child's father play?

SandysMam · 25/09/2018 05:25

Can you list all your incomings and outgoings so we can make some suggestions?? Stepchange isn’t really going to help if it’s more of a moral obligation to a family member to pay. Surely they wouldn’t have lent it to you if they couldn’t afford to? As long as you keep talking, and keep paying something you should be seen to be reasonable.

Original poster
Sadsoul18 · 25/09/2018 05:31

Ds’s father contributes sporadically (due to being in and out of work). I can’t rely on his money at all which adds to the pressure. Moving isn’t really an option either, my housing costs are quite cheap for the area it’s just the extra I’m paying back that now makes in unaffordable. When I moved I did things like get a sofa/ furniture on finance. Dss Dad was contributing then, so it all seemed a little more affordable.

OP posts:
nannynick · 25/09/2018 05:55

Debt to family may be a good thing as they may be prepared to renegotiate. If the monthly payment can be reduced by say £100 then you have £100 to pay towards the smaller debts so they get paid off. That then frees up the amount you paid to them.

Debt snowball method is to list debts smallest to largest and to pay off in that order.

You need to look at more income, less expenditure. So do a budget, do meal plan.

Use two bank accounts, one for bills and one for spending. Monzo, Starling and other challenger banks can have good systems for tracking spending. Otherwise come up with your own tracking method so you can set an amount to spend in a certain category and make sure you are sticking to that budget.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/09/2018 05:59

Could you pay money owed to family member over a longer period thereby reducing monthly payment? I took in ironing when we needed extra cash, but it doesn’t pay masses.

nannynick · 25/09/2018 06:03

Listen to money podcasts, they can help educate you about how to manage debt and how to invest for your future. They can also give you hope, hearing how others have got out of debt can help motivate you.

A couple of Podcasts to get you started:
Dave Ramsey Show
Meaningful Money

Changing mindset is important. You have used debt to buy a sofa. You could have got a second/third hand one from freegle, facebook local selling page, charity shop, or done without until you saved the money to buy. We have all been there... we have all spent money we did not have... but you can change, you can stop using debt. It is easy to get into debt, it is very hard to get out. Create a plan and stick to it.

Seth · 25/09/2018 06:21

Hi OP.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I am also a single parent and was recently in a not dissimilar position. I have gone from 4.5 days a week back to 5 (but sounds like you are already working as much as you can).. but the thing that has made the most difference is letting a room out to a student. It's not huge and of course you adjust the price accordingly. You may be surprised. Look on spare rooms. Com or similar.

I don't think a business person would want my room but there is always someone out there who is looking for something within their budget. Particularly great if you happen to live in an area where there is a university. Good luck.

Raver84 · 25/09/2018 06:37

My get shot down here but in your situation I would ask family to extend the loan period if they won't I'd take out a bank loan clear the overdraft and the family debt and make a single lower monthly payment each month for however long to get some breathing space.

DonnaDarko · 25/09/2018 06:45

I would speak to the family member about extending the loan . I would also consider selling the sofa and buying one from a charity shop. We got two armchairs for £50 a couple of years ago.

swingofthings · 25/09/2018 07:46

I've been there. Like you got maintenance for a few months so was able to manage and then nothing. At the time I too thought I couldn't make any more cuts but when I accepted that I really had to make changes I did manage to do. It was the little things, mainly going on the kids, a drink there and then, more school outfits than was really required, a new pair of shoes they never wore, food that ended up in the bin etc... Are you paying for childcare?

HollowTalk · 26/09/2018 20:30

I would ask them to reduce the loan period, too. Is it someone who could afford to do that?

Could you show them your outgoings and ask them for advice? If you just had someone sitting with you trying to working things out, it would help, I think.

Not having maintenance is terrible. He's treating you terribly by not continuing with work. Can he help with any childcare?

Readyforapummelling · 26/09/2018 20:39

I also agree you should talk to the family member and explain you are struggling. They must care about you to have borrowed you a large amount of money and must be reasonably comfortable to have had that money to lend in the first place.

Just be honest with them and explain the repayments are crippling you. I like to think they would help you out by reducing the monthly amount rather than watch you struggle as much as you are. If you were my family it wouldn't even be a discussion, I would insist.

Ta1kinpeace · 26/09/2018 21:05

I would agree with talking to the family member about extending the loan term by 25% and thus reducing the payments by 25%

If by doing that you stop paying the crippling overdraft bills, you will get everything else under control faster than you might think

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