Should the man pay for most things if you don’t earn a lot?

[Jollydolly123]

I’ve been dating my partner for a year we don’t live together but we have been dating and consider each other partners. I am a single parent with 2children from previous partner.

I work part time and have very limited funds and don’t have much for social activities due to commitments and having recently purchased a new house which has been decorated.

I never suggest going out as I don’t really have funds to stretch for meals and can’t expect him to pay unless he offers. I feel like he expects me to hold my own next to him and go 50/50 on meals which is why I’ve stopped going places with him. I’m ok living this way until my kids are settled at school but I do see my financial situation changing in the next 12months I’m willing to go full time and further up career ladder etc.

I feel he could pay more often as surely he should no single parents may struggle. Oh I get no financial help from kids pathetic father. ( he doesn’t no this as I feel I don’t need to declare my finances I make subtle hints etc).

I’m starting to look at him a bit different but also understand it’s a new relationship he may not trust me yet help please?!!!!!

I think no clearly he shouldn't be taking you out ans about, it's not 1950, but he and you should tailor your dating to suit your budget. You invite him for dinner, he takes you out for dinner, that kind of thing. After a year you should understand each other's financial situation and have this shit worked out.

The reality is op, you're going to struggle to date if you only go out with men who pay for you.

Im looking for some objective opinions here because I don't want to discuss the issue with family/friends. I've been married 2 years now and love my husband deeply. He's very kind, loyal and considerate. The only thing that is starting to get to me is our finances. Since the beginning of our marriage I have paid for the majority of things. Holidays, groceries, presents etc. Tbf we have a joint account and would split bills/rent 50:50. But he's setting up his own business and his constantly broke. I've transferred him a few thousand here and there to tide him over. Paid for the rent for a few months. Im not on.a huge wage or anything, about 60k, but ive had to start dipping into my savings. We need to get IVF, and are both happy to do it. It costs 7k approx and he has said he can't pay for it. so again it's on me. I just feel a bit isolated and sad and not financially supported. He's working so hard to get the business off the ground, but it's not like I have an unlimited supply of money. I grew up in a very generous household and he grew up in quite the opposite. I'm not sure if this has something to do with it. Feel sad and a little taken for granted

@Sashadublin I identify with some do what you’ve said. He’s your husband so I think you need to talk about your common goals. If he gets his business off the ground then presumably that would benefit both of you? If so you need to consider what you priorities are. If his priority is his business and your priority is another child then you need to think about what that means. If you have often paid for things then he might just expect you to do it. MyDH has been the same at times.

OP you are being unreasonable. He shouldn’t pay because he’s a man. He shouldn’t pay more because you have less money. He may choose to. It seems v strange and U to expect him to support you financially or even take your finances into account when you don’t seem to be telling him the full story.

I think you are confusing the issues. Do you expect him to pay for more because he is a man OR because he has more money OR because you are a single parent and he isn’t??